To expect a 4 year old to be able to do this?

[CandyCaneDane]

I have had particularly food poisoning over the past couple of days, needless to say it's been pretty miserable. I'm at home with DD (4) and DH is working full time. My parents live at the opposite end of the country and MIL nearby.

MIL wasn't available to help and DH couldn't take time off work without it being hassle so I parked DD in front of the TV with snacks and checked on her (when I crawled out of bed from time to time) but essentially left her to her own devices for most of the day.

I just told a friend this and they were horrified and said I absolutely needed to arrange childcare. At what age would you think your child could kind of fend for themselves for the day if you were ill? WIBU to leave her on the sofa for most of the day?

I’ve had to do this on occasion. I’m a single parent, but even before that, my ex DP works offshore so almost impossible to come back unless I was at death’s door. Shouldn’t imagine many parents, single or not, can conjure up/afford emergency childcare out of thin air. Your friend is ridiculous. Don’t pay any attention to her on this one, unless she is offering her own childcare services.

Ours would have been fine, although DS2 was in reception full time from 3yrs 8mths so he wouldn't have been there.

As for the choking thing, that can happen anywhere. I choked in a packed restaurant in Menorca in September with DH across the table from me. I had to have abdominal thrusts to shift it. It's a risk we all take on a daily basis, especially once our kids start school.

I live in a bungalow, so would have been happy to do this with my bedroom door open when my eldest was 4, however not with food and drink, I’d have kept her cup and food in my bedroom for her to come in and eat/drink whilst I supervised. I remember a few days when I had a nasty virus and was in the early stages of pregnancy with DD2, (DD1 will have been about 2.5 yo) when I decamped to the sofa and regularly dozed off while DD1 was playing on the floor. But she was a very sensible, calm, bright toddler. There’s no way I would do it with DD2 who is a climber and too inquisitive for her own good!! I really think doing something like this depends on the child. A four year old can entertain themselves for a day, but do you trust them to be sensible??!!

“I would chose to die on the sofa”

Steady on there 🤣

This has happened to me a couple of horrific times, with three under five, no help, no family, dh abroad. I lay on the sofa with them in front of me, a bucket and lots of water and towels and a ton of snacks and bottles of water etc for them (the older two) to hand. Baby thank God at that point was the only one I was able to successfully breastfeed, so I'd roll over, try and feed her without vomiting on her, stagger around for nappies etc or whatever and then collapse on the sofa again whilst vomiting. I wouldn't rest in a different room to them.

Did anyone else watch the programme in the summer about children & how we treat them in the UK compared to other parts of the world? We give our kids much less autonomy, freedom & independence than many other countries.

They challenged 4-7 year olds in pairs or 3s to cross a park using a map, find a cafe, buy a souvenir, walk our of the park and catch a bus across London (1/2 hour) to the London Eye. With No adults. They all did it successfully.

I don’t think it’s a case of playing independently in another room of course they can do that for short periods whilst you put a wash was in etc. But expecting them to entertain themselves all day seems strange. I would have insisted dh took time off or arranged a baby sitter to come in or asked a friend if they could have her over for a few hours.

I have a 5.5 year old and he can get up and switch tv on if gets up very early but if I was ill I'd do what pp said and lay on settee so he has company and a certain amount of supervision.

Grim situation,l been there myself hope you are feeling better soon

Yes I would absolutely do this with my 4 year old. I’d probably just shout down every now and then to check she was ok. I would draw the line at going to sleep upstairs with them downstairs but just resting (and vomiting) fine.

My cousin in Switzerland walks to school by himself at 4/5

But expecting them to entertain themselves all day seems strange.

what's so strange? It's perfectly normal for many children - not to have their sick as a dog mother dying on the sofa - but to entertain themselves whilst their mother /or father gets on with their own chores.

I have been horribly sick with mine, DH wasn't available, and I didn't have any friends to ask - they were either at work, or home with their own kids.

People manage, no child is going to be hurt by watching too much tv and junk food for a couple of days. What is depressing is that it's the norm for children with lazy parents, but in a normal household? Absolutely fine.

narcdad Switzerland. Expat parents who try to drive or even walk their children get a telling off by school.

we Have no family near ( or alive) you need to build up support network of mum friends who could have taken her for a couple of hours

Lots of 4 years olds are bussed into our school

My just turned 3 year old would be fine. Probably help himself to the contents of the fridge but he would binge watch Go Jetters for hours.

I would probably have laid on the sofa or made him watch on the tv in my room just for some company but he would be fine alone downstirs if needed.

I wasn’t critising you and realise it’s come across that way - sorry it’s a tough situation as everyone has said every child is different and but I think it’s not fair to put you in this situation and your dh should have helped out as you said he went to work. Hope you feel better

I don't think its a massive risk, but I would be worried what they would get up to when they got bored!
Personally I would have stayed at least on the same floor as her- so her in her bedroom maybe, or me downstairs.

If I was in a really bad way I'd probably want to do the same but my 4 year old would frequently be coming upstairs to check on me & would ask me lots of questions so to save the hassle I would just rest on the sofa.

Love this thread. Next time I'm sick I will be sure to make sure I purchase a baby gate, baby monitor, and russle up some magic childcare before I allow myself to throw up. Failing that, I shall ensure that I do said throwing up in front of my 5 year old, because he simply cannot be left on his own in a separate room from me, ever, even when I am fully awake and busy vomiting.

My 4 year old would be fine with that, as long as I checked every hour or so. You know your own child and their capabilities. As long as the front and back doors are locked and they have access to drinks and food I don't see a problem xxx

I wouldn’t be leaving them like that until they were 7/8, 4 is far too young

My elder two would have been absolutely fine at that age, and would have pottered about together - or on their own - happily and being "helpful" bringing me Ribena etc. In fact, they both have had at least a couple of afternoons doing that - but as young teens now are unscarred by the experience. The youngest - no chance.

I wouldn’t be leaving them like that until they were 7/8, 4 is far too young

I moved last year when dd2 was 6, house has stairs in a hallway (previous house had stairs in lounge) and I was immediately happy for her to have run of the house. At 7 she can get on with most things herself.

"Ihatemyseleffordoingthis*

What is it about number 3? My experience is like yours, number 3 has made me go very grey.