AIBU to not want food or drink as Christmas presents?

[Whitleyboy]

What happened to people putting thought into buying Christmas presents?

My DM is pension age and absolutely detests receiving gifts of food or drink as Christmas gifts. She feels it is something you do for older people who no longer have any wants in life. It just makes her feel as if people regard her as old and past it.

I hate it too. All of a sudden I've noticed receiving the odd food/drink gift. FFS, who needs a set of 3 small pots of jam, set of 2 microwaveable Irish cream drinks or shortbread biscuits from M&S in a musical tin box. What the hell is all that about? I don't need 2 cheap mugs with a small box of drinking chocolate.

I have 2 kitchen cupboards dedicated to wine and spirits. I don't want another bottle of wine that you grabbed for ease with your supermarket food shop.

I'm not ungrateful. I'm still young-hearted and I'd prefer people to buy me some Lego or a nerf gun, an airfix model or painting by numbers than bloody food parcels. I can't be the only one can I?

Had a superb original spirograph last time. Would love an original etch-a-sketch too.

Namechange yep same here every year I get a bottle of Prosecco type bubbly from any aunt and uncle. I rarely drink and I hate anything fizzy stuff. They know this but buy a bulk lot and dish it out to everyone because it makes their lives easier. I don't understand why people do it🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd be happy with food as a gift. Better than most of the tat I've been given over the years. We only buy for our kids and parents now. Dh and I don't even buy for each other including birthday gifts. It's just a waste. I'll buy something if I want it. For parents we usually get nice food hampers from m&s or similar.

@cushioncovers They know this but buy a bulk lot and dish it out to everyone because it makes their lives easier. I don't understand why people do it as you said yourself - "because it makes their lives easier." Gifts are a social expectation, another duty, another line in your to do list and if you have ever tried to reduce the amount of gifts you buy - you'll know why people would rather just buy in bulk and dish them out regardless of want or desire.

His attitude is that I can give it away to someone who does drink.

It seems to be prevalent on here too.
Somebody knows you won't use thier gift but you are expected to basically make a charity donation of it for someone else!
What's the point of a present if you know the person never uses/eats/drinks it?
You are actually giving nothing at all and telling that person you either don't know them, more importantly you don't care what they actually like despite being told when you ask them, and can't be bothered to get them something they would actually like.

They might as well take it straight to charity shop and tell you they saved you the trip.

I would rather have a small bar of good dark choc which would be a treat for me for several days than a fancy box with oat cakes and jars of chutney, or any of those packaged 'food gifts that I don't eat!

You aren't buying a present for the receiver you are just going through the motions to make yourself feel good about how generous you are and safe in the knowledge you will get a nice present you will love back.

Why are you exchanging gifts with friends anyway? Just stop if it's a hassle.

Go for a drink/meal together instead, much nicer.

I love food gifts. Much better than endless tat.

I suspect we have reached a point where gifting among adults is pretty redundant however.

I have too much stuff so any presents that arent food and drink are a wate of money frankly. You can put a lot of thought and care into a food gift. I love them

I'd love food or drink. I'd never equate it with being seem as old!

These days most people have pretty much all that they need, so buying the perfect gift can be near impossible.
Food/drink gifts are safe and middle of the road.

And yes, before I get jumped on, I know not everyone is fortunate enough to have all that they need.

@Willow2017 thanks you've summed it up really well. I get "I know you probably can't eat it but it's the thought that counts, eh?" about gluten containing products given as gifts quite alot too and that makes me feel rotten. Why give a gift that would knowingly make someone ill and that is possibly quite tempting to eat or just reinforces the nice foods that the recipient has to regularly miss out on?

I suspect you are right and it's a "look at how generous I am" thing. That's why I'd rather not do the gifts at all because I actually end up feeling quite hurt or like my health doesn't really matter. It's more important that other people appear generous than they treat the recipient with some actual consideration. Christmas is already a difficult time for me as I live alone and aside from my parents don't have any other family. These not really gift gifts just reinforce the fact that no one really cares very much about me and that I waste alot of time and money looking for thoughtful gifts for people who insult me with gifts they know I can't benefit from in anyway.

An alcoholic relative used to regularly receive bottles of alcohol from people who knew she was trying desperately to maintain sobriety. She'd lost her job and family through her alcoholism and was fighting hard to stay sober and rebuild her life. But still these morons would pop along with a bottle of wine and say "didn't want to leave you out! I know you're trying to stay off it but maybe there is someone in your family who might like it/surely one glass won't hurt?". She'd try and insist they take it back with them but they would usually refuse and then she'd end up saying please can you leave it on the doorstep and then I'd have to drive to her house and collect and dispose of it. If she brought it in the house she knew she'd relapse. In fact, she did relapse several times from gifts of alcohol given by people who knew her history.

Namechange84
That awful.
How bloody selfish of people.

I am sorry your family cannot be decent people and buy you something you can actually eat that's awful.as well. Why even bother? Just don't bother if you have not one care for the recipients feelings.

I'm a sober alcoholic (not struggling) and i simply don't handle (touch with my hands) alcohol and I say so. I'm very brazen though and say 'I'm an alcoholic, i don't handle alcohol and i don't have it in my house'. It's actually repellent and terrifying that someone would do what they did to your relative.

You need to be really forceful about some things and I'd say your allergy is one of them. You could say 'I'm allergic, you keep it and think of it as my gift to you'.

I just don’t understand grown men and women who are still focused on the “getting presents” aspect of Christmas. It comes across as entitled and misses the point of the holiday.

OP, a lot of people will go for generic gift options because those are the safe options. Not everyone is confident about gift-buying. If you want toys so badly, then surely you can buy them yourself? Your friends are not Santa, and by adulthood you should be over that aspect of Christmas anyway.

I think it’s now being advised that we buy (or make) edible gifts to reduce waste.

It’s ok provided you know the person will enjoy it. I know my Mum doesn’t like chocolate so I wouldn’t shop in Hotel Chocolat for her.

Livingoncake I don't buy 'toys' for myself because I can't afford to but if twice a year (birthday and Xmas) my family are kind enough to gift me one of these 'toys' which will make me happy and give me pleasure then yeah I am clearly selfish and lost the meaning of Christmas.
Being with my family at Christmas is actually much more important than gifts to see but if I am giving and receiving gifts I definitely prefer specific wanted items not random stuff. That's the point of gifts to me. Something that gives a person pleasure.

I enjoy swapping gifts and rarely receive a gift I don’t like. Some people are fussy and hard work IMO.

I enjoy swapping gifts and rarely receive a gift I don’t like. Some people are fussy and hard work.

That's the crux of it though. If someone gets you something they know damm well that you don't like or will never use then it's not giving a gift is it? It's giving you nothing at all.
People who are upset by the lack of thought or deliberate buying of something the giver Knows doesn't fit, you will hate it, can't eat or drink it are not hard work at all. It's the giver who is just being lazy or deliberately nasty.

I love getting food gifts. I got a lovely hamper of crackers and chutneys from MIL last year. I don't see it as an old person thing at all, I'm 38!

Nothing to do with being old at all! IME quite the contrary. Uni students, young adults in shared accommodation and newly living independently, would love anything to eat and drink. They regularly buy each other really nice and expensive teas or craft gins. It's actually very popular.

Willow2017

I only read the first two pages. Did the OP say her relatives know she doesn’t like good gifts?

Anyway, quite a few people here sound like simple ingrates to me.

I love food and drink gifts.
Far better than having to haul piles of unwanted tat to the charity shop.

Elderly DM gets a hamper of nice foodie things that she'd never buy for herself (even though she could) but she hasn't been able to come up with an alternative she actually wants for several years. DC can never think of anything either so they get cold hard cash they can spend in the sales on double the amount of shite they could have bought 24 hours before the big day.

I usually don't mind food as gifts, but one year I was given a big basket of fruit. We had already bought fruit for Christmas andwe were staying at my parents for Christmas who had also bought fruit so by the time we got home a lot had gone off

Anyway, quite a few people here sound like simple ingrates to me

Yeah like people with ceoliacs getting food they can't eat, drink every year for people who never drink alcohol, clothes that don't fit but funnily enough fit the giver, toiletries for those who cannot use them due to skin conditions, . All these things were known but the giver didn't care just wanted to be seen to be giving gifts. If you have to give it away and the giver knows this then it's just a bloody insult to give it in the first place. It shows absolutely no care for the person you are giving it to.

They might as well just donate it to charity and save the other person the trouble and tell them they couldn't be arsed to get them something suitable but hey thanks for your thoughtful gift to.me.

I hate clutter, and I hate receiving a gift that someone has spent time and money getting for me which I then don't like (which is almost always) because I then feel guilty for not liking it and their waste of money. I found it all rather stressful until I hit on the happy idea of asking for charity presents.

Don't underestimate the warm glow it gives you to open an e.g. Save the Children gift envelope on Christmas Day and know you are making a small difference somewhere. To me, that was way better than getting another "thing".