AIBU to not want food or drink as Christmas presents?

[Whitleyboy]

What happened to people putting thought into buying Christmas presents?

My DM is pension age and absolutely detests receiving gifts of food or drink as Christmas gifts. She feels it is something you do for older people who no longer have any wants in life. It just makes her feel as if people regard her as old and past it.

I hate it too. All of a sudden I've noticed receiving the odd food/drink gift. FFS, who needs a set of 3 small pots of jam, set of 2 microwaveable Irish cream drinks or shortbread biscuits from M&S in a musical tin box. What the hell is all that about? I don't need 2 cheap mugs with a small box of drinking chocolate.

I have 2 kitchen cupboards dedicated to wine and spirits. I don't want another bottle of wine that you grabbed for ease with your supermarket food shop.

I'm not ungrateful. I'm still young-hearted and I'd prefer people to buy me some Lego or a nerf gun, an airfix model or painting by numbers than bloody food parcels. I can't be the only one can I?

Had a superb original spirograph last time. Would love an original etch-a-sketch too.

I agree with Autumntoowet, I would much prefer to receive food gifts than more stuff. I have enough stuff in my house already. Food, bath stuff or a voucher for a clothes shop so I can put it towards something. All useful, non wasteful presents.

But people could put all the thought in the world into a non food gift and even your DH or closest relatives aren't going to know which books you've read, which gloves, purse, handbag, pyjamas you'd like best or which hobby items you need and fits your requirements, unless you specifically say 'buy me X item from Y shop' and when you've done that, you might as well just buy the item yourself instead of engaging in a great gift giving charade.

So while you don't mind people getting it wrong, most people do, because having to use an item that's the right type but not in the right colour or with the right features isn't going to bring them any pleasure at all.

Most people can just buy what they want when they want it and if they can't they shouldn't be getting into cycles of exchanging 'thoughtful' presents of significant value with other adults. Which is why people suggest token consumable presents, because there's a lot less chance of waste that way.

I like consumable gifts.

Of course it's not unreasonable for you to have (and tell people about) a preference.

It is unreasonable to think that these gifts are for people who are "past it".

It seems like you are exchanging gifts with people who don't know what you like, or who don't care enough to think about what you like when getting you gifts. Maybe you could say to those people "'let's not do presents this year",

I'd much rather have food and drink than a load of pointless tat that fills up my house.

YANBU. About 20 years ago my ex and I were given 3 separate cheese plates from his DM and 2 DSisters. They had all gone shopping together, and basically brought us the same gift but in different boxes/sizes. ExDP didn’t even like cheese that much! I just thought it was pretty thoughtless of them.

I live in Scotland and my late DH’s relatives all live in England. There are four families of them and they are now producing grandkids, so the number is growing.
I find it a practical solution to send each family a hamper of Scottish food delicacies for Christmas. They can divide them up as they wish, and I substitute the venison etc with smoked salmon for the pescatarian family. Feedback has been positive, and Arran cheeses seem particularly popular!
OP, if you don’t like the gifts that some of your friends/family send, then tell them that you would prefer them to donate to charity. Or give them a wish list of suggestions, so you can ask for Lego etc.

@DobbyLovesSocks
I'm with you on the pots and pans etc. I'm quite happy with practical things if needed.

I can't stand champagne. The sweeter the better with wine for me.

@SunnyupLands
Noooooo. I don't want a blanket ban on gifts. That's still part of the excitement of Christmas. I still like to give and I like to receive. We, as a family, sit around after dinner and each watch the others opening presents. We don't just all open them at the same time. I get great enjoyment from this.

We do help out by paying towards Christmas day lunch that a church put on to provide anyone who is on their own with lunch, transport to it and company. Sadly I can't help out there by giving my time as we spend the day with other family who live further away.

You're not wrong about the waste at Christmas though. All that wrapping paper, excess food and then plastic presents that break. I try not to buy any excess food but we could probably all do more to reduce what goes to landfill.

Unless people know you well and what you like to eat or drink its a bit crap.
Most so called 'foodie' gifts in Boots and other shops are overpriced and mostly packaging. Big box proclaiming how marvellous the jam is and it only does 3 lots of toast for £10 ! Wtf? Packets of spice mixes that cost twice what actual food shops charge normally! I would hate most of these type of gifts I don't use the atuff in them normally so wouldn't use them just because someone bought me some 'Mexican meal' in a fancy box.
It's a waste of packaging, time and givers money. Thankfully I don't get these things as most of them would sit in the cupboard taking up space I don't have. I would rather they didn't waste their money and get me a non 'gift set' bottle of good maple syrup for example or not bother at all and spend it on themselves.

What use is a gift you won't actually use?

I would rather have Lego too😁

I'd rather have lego too. I have IBS and GERD and am very limited in what I can eat.

They are the only gifts I like really because I can use them. Not the silly 3x mini jams but a bottle of bubbly/spirits or decent wine or a good cheese, decent chocolates etc is far more welcome than a ‘thing ‘ I don’t like. I don’t need more things.

I will also say I would be happy to receive nothing. Certainly don’t expect anything at all from wider family and friends.

I like handcream 😀

Cant stand tat. If adults have to give me a present I like getting wierd n wonderful edibles n drinkables. Never goes to waste!

To me, this is a perfect demonstration of the fun being sucked out of Christmas. Why are adults bothered about receiving Christmas presents? Buy your own toys.

No presents is far preferable to unsuitable presents, so just take that potential pitfall out of the whole event. Let people know you're happy to give presents a miss this year, and instead invite them round to share a drink and something to eat with you.

I wish my mil would give me champagne!

Depends how much you’ve got to spend and how many for - we still buy for in-laws all grown adults - no kids on that side. We either spend a small fortune avoiding tat or buy clothes which again is expensive, so we’re wondering if hampers might be best bet this year. Would that annoy you? Genuine question?

Yep I hate the generic box of chocolates, tin of biscuits, candles, or soap bubble bath set.

I used to get great gifts from friends/relatives but since living with dp I've noticed we get given joint gifts of chocolates and biscuits.
Only my mum buys us individual gifts that have had a bit of thought put into them.

"It is unreasonable to think that these gifts are for people who are "past it"."
Well, that's what my pensioner mum thinks.

Gloves - leather gloves is something I'm always up for. I do have quite an array of colours and am always happy to have more.
I wouldn't mind if someone bought me new oven gloves either. I wouldn't mind new ovenware as I had a new oven yesterday.

My family are fine at buying presents most of the time. It's just friends. I have some friends who like to buy things like crystal bracelets, or angel brooches or scarves with butterflies on because they like them and they always say that they know I love butterflies. I think they've mixed me up with someone else. . Candles (don't get me started on candles ). I have had so many candle gifts and the only time I use candles is at Christmas. I even had a battery-operated candle which changes colour from one of these friends. I bet you are all jealous now.

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I don't think there's anything wrong with food or drink gifts, if people actually put thought into it and get something you actually like.

Last Christmas I was dairy and soy free as my daughter was allergic and I was breastfeeding. I got 3 boxes of cadburys dairy milk, a cadburys selection box, and multiple bottles of wine that contained milk. All the people that gifted these 100% knew I was dairy free. A couple were from elderly relatives so I didn't mind so much as their memory isn't what it was. But a couple of others knew and even laughed as opened them saying I would either have to give them to my husband or wait until I could have dairy

‘ The things don't go to waste. I give all unwanted items to my church for their weekly raffle.’

And someone wins the unwanted item. What are they meant to do with it?

I love champagne and love it as a gift !!!!

I like nice food and drink and rarely justify buying it myself.
I honestly love a nice box of chocolates!

There’s another thread kicking about in AIBU about crap Christmas presents too - the two combined have made me actually dread present giving season as I have several “generous benefactors” of shit food and other goods.

PS in my twenties so most definitely not “past it” a box of milk tray suits me nicely!