AIBU to not want food or drink as Christmas presents?

[Whitleyboy]

What happened to people putting thought into buying Christmas presents?

My DM is pension age and absolutely detests receiving gifts of food or drink as Christmas gifts. She feels it is something you do for older people who no longer have any wants in life. It just makes her feel as if people regard her as old and past it.

I hate it too. All of a sudden I've noticed receiving the odd food/drink gift. FFS, who needs a set of 3 small pots of jam, set of 2 microwaveable Irish cream drinks or shortbread biscuits from M&S in a musical tin box. What the hell is all that about? I don't need 2 cheap mugs with a small box of drinking chocolate.

I have 2 kitchen cupboards dedicated to wine and spirits. I don't want another bottle of wine that you grabbed for ease with your supermarket food shop.

I'm not ungrateful. I'm still young-hearted and I'd prefer people to buy me some Lego or a nerf gun, an airfix model or painting by numbers than bloody food parcels. I can't be the only one can I?

Had a superb original spirograph last time. Would love an original etch-a-sketch too.

I'd be happy with food and drink. I'd much prefer it to any other gift to be honest.

There aren't many "things" I particularly need or want, that I don't already have.

Something nice to eat or drink however, would always be used. (Apart from shortbread. I can't stand shortbread. That gets fed to the birds).

YABU I'd so much rather we gave up on all this gifting nonsense - most people have enough already - they are peak stuff, it's impossible to guess, they don't like what they get because they have so much already- it's just the most annoying unsatisfying thing about Christmas.

I always buy my mum clothes and a little treat. She loves a good fleece or m and s trousers. She's 84 and I wouldn't dream of just giving her food.
My sister is a nun so a bit tricky to buy for as she is not allowed to keep much. I try to give photographs, a book or clothes that she needs.
My husband always buys me amaretti biscuits or Turkish delight as extras as he knows I like them.

@heartburn888

"I think you get what you are given. Not everyone can afford gifts to match the receivers wants."
We all have budgets to stick to but it isn't about the cost. It's about whether you've thought that the recipient would really like it. It doesn't matter how little it costs. I'd be very happy to receive a Wilko notebook as I do get through a lot. I think they are £2.99. I would be happy with or a packet of flower seeds to sow in the spring. I just bought myself a phone charger from Poundland and it is really good and it's a nice long lead. If I hadn't bought it already I'd be happy to receive that as a present.

"If you don’t like it, slap a smile on your face, act great full and re gift it in a few months for someone’s birthday."
I wouldn't dream of letting a friend know if I didn't like a present. (I possibly would with close family). I show gratitude no matter what I feel and then I donate them to the church raffle. I wouldn't give it to someone else as a birthday gift unless I knew for a fact that it was something they liked. Imagine it being re-gifted loads of times because no-one liked it!

My DB makes honemade chocolate truffles, oranges, glazed almonds etc every Christmas....

I am absolutely delighted by the box I get every year.
definitely prefer this to something that would simply gather dust...

It seems like you are exchanging gifts with people who don't know what you like

It's nit always that simple. I must be particularly difficult to buy for because the only person who has ever actually bought me presents that I want/like/will wear/use/eat or drink has been my brother. My parents, late husband, friends...other relatives have always got it wrong. I don't know if it's me or them to be honest. They see what I wear, they know what I eat etc but that doesn't seem to translate into buying me a good present. It is annoying (hence this long rambling post!) because I put a lot of thought into their presents and buy them things that they actually do like.....but then maybe I'm as crap as them and we are all just being polite?

This Christmas will be my first one with my fiancé. I'm nit holding out much hope

@EskewedBeef

"Your list would leave the giver with no room to put thought into your present because you're telling them what to buy. If they decide to do the thinking for themselves, they've got it wrong."
No. You've misunderstood. I was asked for a list of 20 items (I know I put more) I'd like people to buy that they've put thought into.

What I am saying is, for example, if they bought me a pair of red leather gloves I'd be delighted. I would know they had thought about it. It would show they have noticed I wear leather rather than knitted gloves, know red is a colour I wear, probably thought I could wear them with my black coat so have really put thought into that present. Ditto total blue to go with royal blue coat.

I would be glad to receive any of these things. Take another item, the change purse. Buying it would show the purchaser had noticed my current change purse is a bit scruffy and needs replacing. It would show they noticed mine is a Radley purse so chose one from that range because the likelihood was that I'd like it.

"Also, if all those people buying for you then give you their list of acceptable presents, and you choose something from it, isn't it too much like a neat transaction/exchange of items of similar value?"
I'm not giving anyone a list of gifts to choose from in real life. I did this in response to a PP asking me to. No, I like surprises - just not food or drink .

"Is there a reason you don't buy those things for yourself?"
I do buy quite a lot of those things myself. I buy the moisturiser and perfumes because I wear them daily, I buy notebooks, stuff from garden centres, purse, cosmetic purse etc.
My phone and camera are quite new and I just haven't got round to buying cases. There is nothing stopping me buying these things at all, except perhaps time, but now that DH knows what I've written I may just leave off buying them in case anyone does ask him for ideas for Christmas, unless I run out.

I wouldn't go and buy a nerf gun but I think I might have one by the end of the year now. Yay! There are loads of different ones so I'm sure it won't cramp DH's style.

I love foodie gifts. I don't tend to treat myself to anything other than the basics so it's great when other people do.

I would never shop in the "gift" aisles that pop up for Xmas. It's tat. It's food tat. Don't do it!

I don't have any problem receiving alcohol or nice chocolates and to be honest I think when you're an adult a gift is a gift, no matter how cheap or unsuitable you might think it is.

I love champagne and love it as a gift !!!!

But is it very personal. I adore some champagnes and detest others. It isn't generic.

I enjoy a drink so a bottle of one of my favourite spirits would be very acceptable
I’m gluten free and on a diet so most food presents are not feasible
We do Xmas lists in my family - so much easier - if people don’t want to ask them booze or nothing thanks

Even if they gave you a bottle of Dom? Really??

I hate tat.so I’d rather have food 🤷‍♀️

I hate getting stuff. I do not need more stuff. Give me food and drink so that I can use it up and not have so much crap in my house.

I absolutely love food and drink gifts! Who wants more rubbish to take up space in the home? If it’s something I don’t personally like
I just take it to work and share it around. Much better than most other items honestly!

I’ve gotten some amazing jams, oils, and wines as gifts that I’d never have got or even found on my own.

OP, you really can't get bent out of shape because someone didn't get you paint-by-numbers or Lego! You are an adult.

I think you and your DM are being a bit weird/sensitive about age-related stuff. I have never thought of food gifts as being for "older people" only, and I give them to people of all ages. Nice olive oil, wine, biscuits, cooking ingredients, good chocolate etc. They do not form "clutter" in the person's house, do not end up in landfill and are easy to regift if the person does not want them.

That said, if you do not want food-related gifts, ask people for vouchers or do a no-gifts pact. It really isn't reasonable to want toys as a gift--I would be completely foxed if I was asked to somehow choose that kind of gift for an adult.

I'm really interested in minimalism and trying to sort out my clutter/downsize, plus I live abroad and miss certain snacks, teas, etc. that I can't find as easily (or at all) over here... so for me that kind of gift would go down pretty well! I'd much rather something like that than some kind of random clutter anyway! A well thought-out gift or something I've specifically asked for would be another story though.

But people could put all the thought in the world into a non food gift and even your DH or closest relatives aren't going to know which books you've read, which gloves, purse, handbag, pyjamas you'd like best or which hobby items you need and fits your requirements, unless you specifically say 'buy me X item from Y shop' and when you've done that, you might as well just buy the item yourself instead of engaging in a great gift giving charade.

Also, this.

I mean, OP, you say you would like an oven glove...? It would never occur to me to get such a very specific item for someone, no matter how thoughtful I was trying to be.

@BertrandRussell bwahahaha think that went somewhat over some people’s hewds

Heads!

Op what are you going to do with a nerf gun?!

I hate when people are buying me make up, perfume, clothes, candles, bath bombs and other smelly stuff. I’m very difficult to buy for. I love chocolate and alcoholic drinks as gifts: nice wine or box of Thorntons continental... surely you can’t have too much of these? I do food gifts myself and it’s always lots of thinking and planning; believe me, choosing bath stuff or jewellery require much less thought.
I think when you are older you have stronger preferences and views, allergies, health issues, problems with sizing, space, etc so buying a gift becomes more challenging.

Completely agree with what a pop said about reaching “peak stuff”. It’s utterly depressing - just more crap for eventual landfill that no-one really wants or needs. I personally VASTLY prefer edible/drinkable presents - if there’s a “thing” I need I’ll buy it myself!

As a 46 year old who would explode with joy at receiving the Hogwarts lego set, YANBU!!!!