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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want food or drink as Christmas presents?

192 replies

Whitleyboy · 05/11/2019 18:29

What happened to people putting thought into buying Christmas presents?

My DM is pension age and absolutely detests receiving gifts of food or drink as Christmas gifts. She feels it is something you do for older people who no longer have any wants in life. It just makes her feel as if people regard her as old and past it.

I hate it too. All of a sudden I've noticed receiving the odd food/drink gift. FFS, who needs a set of 3 small pots of jam, set of 2 microwaveable Irish cream drinks or shortbread biscuits from M&S in a musical tin box. What the hell is all that about? I don't need 2 cheap mugs with a small box of drinking chocolate.

I have 2 kitchen cupboards dedicated to wine and spirits. I don't want another bottle of wine that you grabbed for ease with your supermarket food shop.

I'm not ungrateful. I'm still young-hearted and I'd prefer people to buy me some Lego or a nerf gun, an airfix model or painting by numbers than bloody food parcels. I can't be the only one can I?

Had a superb original spirograph last time. Would love an original etch-a-sketch too.

OP posts:
Benjispruce · 05/11/2019 19:56

I love to get a bottle.If it’s not something I drink then it’s no doubt handy to have for guests or I’ll use it in cooking/baking.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 05/11/2019 19:57

I find people who demand a lot of "thought" going into their present terrifying Grin

It seems I have the nack to buy people stuff that I have put a lot of thought into, spending hours thinking and worrying.....only to get it wrong after all.

I hate buying presents, it's not an easy skill to me, and thinking (putting thought into it) dies not help me

Just be grateful for what you get? I am a rubbish present giver, but a grateful receiver (even of MS wine or shortbread Smile)

Dislocatedeyeballs · 05/11/2019 19:57

Be grateful someone bothers to buy you a gift. Personally I love food n drink presents and would rather receive them than crappy toiletries I never use but basically its the thought that counts

ForalltheSaints · 05/11/2019 19:59

I'm with the OP on this one.

As for the 'I don't know what to get them", why not ask?

bookmum08 · 05/11/2019 20:01

I still have the unopened box of fruit flavoured teas that my mum gave me last year. I'm gonna give them to the school fair tombola I think. Grin
My Christmas Lego arrived today. I have been very lucky to have been gifted two large sets that I would normally never get. If anyone heard a loud pitched squeal around lunchtime - that was me!
There is loads of graphic novels I want to read and loads of craft /art stuff in The Works and Hobbycraft. There is in fact loads and loads of fun and interesting things I would love to get at Christmas. My mum does ask what I would like and will get something from that list but can tell you now that she will also get me some body lotion that I never ever use. And I have told her I don't ever use it. It's almost a family joke.
Christmas presents seems to be so weird in mumsnet world. No one ever seems to ask/tell family members what they would like!

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 05/11/2019 20:03

Why not ask?

Would you really ask for those £59 Jigsaw navy leather gloves, or would you lie (like EVERYONE! Esp the very demanding ones) and say " don't worry! Something small, anything. It's the thought that counts" whilst smiling sweetly

We are onto you lot Wink

Deadringer · 05/11/2019 20:05

What is a thoughtful gift though? Quite often when people agonize over a present they get it wrong anyway. Clothes that don't fit, perfume you hate the smell of, jewellery that isn't to your taste, a handbag that isn't the right size or coIour, the list is endless. I love food and drink gifts, or anything that I can actually use. My family definitely love me, but my tastes are very simple, and they often get it wrong. I love looking at rings and earrings, but I don't wear them. I like perfume, but a bottle lasts me at least two years. I only use one purse and handbag, and they last me for years. I am not into knick knacks or 'stuff' in general. What I don't need is more tat that will end up in landfill. Consumables rock!

Original poster
Whitleyboy · 05/11/2019 20:07

@VenusTiger

"We either spend a small fortune avoiding tat or buy clothes which again is expensive, so we’re wondering if hampers might be best bet this year. Would that annoy you? Genuine question?"
Well, I really wouldn't like it but plenty of posters have said they enjoy having food or drink gifts for Christmas so I'm probably not the best person to ask. I presume you will know them well enough to know what kind of liked and dislikes they have.
I think with my DM most of her presents are food or drink so that may be why she feels how she does.

I'm sorry, I don't want to make you feel your idea isn't good. It may well be fine for the people you have in mind. I might be one of the few who isn't keen.

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 05/11/2019 20:08

The best present I've ever gotten for someone I know was a traybake selection from the letterbox bakery. I do hate when people buy me alcohol though, I hardly drink and when I do, I'm very fussy about what I drink and no one ever asks!

Original poster
Whitleyboy · 05/11/2019 20:09

@Benjispruce

"I love to get a bottle.If it’s not something I drink then it’s no doubt handy to have for guests or I’ll use it in cooking/baking."
I love to get a bottle too - I just like it to have one of my favoured perfumes in it. Grin

OP posts:
EskewedBeef · 05/11/2019 20:10

As for the 'I don't know what to get them", why not ask?

Because it feels odd to collect Christmas orders from adults, and even weirder to give a wish list out. I simply can't ask my friends and family to buy things for me - it's embarrassing and unnecessary. I'm glad when people are happy to make a small token gesture for me because it's easy to accept.

Original poster
Whitleyboy · 05/11/2019 20:12

@Drogosnextwife
Actually maybe it is the type of food for me, rather than food per se because my friend makes a mean chocolate concrete and I wouldn't say no to a tray of that.

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 05/11/2019 20:13

Sorry that wasn't the best present I've ever gotten someone, it was the best present I was ever given 😂 I was in the middle of arguing with dp about overnight oats.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 05/11/2019 20:15

How would you rather a rubbish useless gift than something you could eat or donate to a food bank if it offended you that much..?

Deecaff · 05/11/2019 20:21

I don't mind food or drink, but if someone is going to get me drink at least get me something I like - ie wine or beer . Mum tends to get me Baileys-like liqueurs that I don't drink.
As for fun things like nerf guns etc , got a friend something like that and it wasn't appreciated.

dontalltalkatonce · 05/11/2019 20:27

Why not ask?

Because all too often CFers will demand cash.

chopc · 05/11/2019 20:34

@Whitleyboy so name 20 items you would like someone to buy you for Christmas which they have put thought into

bookmum08 · 05/11/2019 20:35

Why do adults feel they can't have a list of gifts they would like? I don't have the money to buy everything I would like to have so if someone who will be buying me a gift will be able to afford it then why shouldn't I say I would like something particular. Why is it embarrassing to say "I would really like to read the new Tess Gerristen novel that has just been published" as an answer to "what would you like for Christmas?".

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 05/11/2019 20:42

At 39 i am incredibly set in my ways and adore receiving stuff by brands i like, be that food, drink, perfume, handbags etc and DF is very happy with his home assembled whisky &/or gin hampers and whisky fudge from the wonderful Gardiners online, twice yearly.

ThighThighOfthigh · 05/11/2019 20:42

I would rather have cheese than handcream - or body lotion.

footballmum · 05/11/2019 20:50

YABU to presume that a food or drink gift lacks thought.

Mine and DH’s parents are very difficult to buy for. Both are comfortable financially and want they want, they get. I quite often put them food and drink hampers together for their Christmas presents and I put a lot of thought and effort into them! I source local food and drinks which I know they won’t have tried and I always include some luxury items such as expensive crackers or chocolates. I also try and put them in a receptacle that is useful such as a nice basket or garden pot. They always really appreciate them and are very grateful.

BarbaraofSeville · 05/11/2019 20:53

I don't have the money to buy everything I would like to have so if someone who will be buying me a gift will be able to afford it then why shouldn't I say I would like something particular

But presumably you will be buying them a gift? So you're spending the money anyway, just doing it in a more labour intensive way, while dragging people who may not be able to afford to give gifts into the cycle?

blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2009/11/is-it-time-to-ban-christmas-presents/?_ga=2.33275326.1076694230.1572987045-1372655992.1538652833

Original poster
Whitleyboy · 05/11/2019 20:55

@TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead

"I find people who demand a lot of "thought" going into their present terrifying" Grin
I demand that I put a lot of thought into buying presents for others and I terrify myself. Grin

"It seems I have the nack to buy people stuff that I have put a lot of thought into, spending hours thinking and worrying.....only to get it wrong after all.

I hate buying presents, it's not an easy skill to me, and thinking (putting thought into it) dies not help me"
Aw, believe me, I know how you feel. I actually get extremely stressed thinking of what to buy people and when I've bought and wrapped them then I start worrying that recipients won't like it. I'm so sorry if I've added to your worries. I didn't mean to. I'm sure your relatives will appreciate the thought you put into buying presents even if you get them slightly wrong. I think I said upthread that I prefer that to a lack of thought.

OP posts:
EskewedBeef · 05/11/2019 20:56

But presumably you will be buying them a gift? So you're spending the money anyway, just doing it in a more labour intensive way, while dragging people who may not be able to afford to give gifts into the cycle?

What she said

francienolan · 05/11/2019 21:04

You see a lot of this type of thing on mumsnet though: a poster will panic because they aren't sure what to get someone, or whether to get them something at all, etc, and inevitably there will be a chorus of 'I don't see why you can't just keep a bottle of plonk around for occasions like this'. (Incidentally I hate that term and have NEVER heard it outside of mumsnet.)

I think that Christmas gifts are out of control though. I don't buy gifts for anyone I don't know well enough to know what they like, or take a good guess. The idea of buying these crappy prepackaged gifts isn't appealing to me because it doesn't mean much, it's just presents for the sake of presents at some point.

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