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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Travelling at 36 weeks preg for Christmas

192 replies

jodes7001 · 05/11/2019 16:26

Hi all - just wanted some advice. I am going to be 36 weeks preg the week of Christmas (first time pregnancy), and my partner wants me to go to very rural Scotland (rural Highlands, west coast) where his family lives for the holiday. I am very nervous about travelling that far at 36 weeks and being physically uncomfortable for a 10-12hr drive in possibly bad weather conditions and not near my hospital. He and his family are saying I am worrying too much and it's very unlikely I will go into labour and I will be fine, and that they are about 30 miles from a hospital.

My family are in Los Angeles, so I am staying in the UK this year.

Am I overreacting by wanting to stay in London 4 weeks before my due date? Thanks for any advice! xx

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 07/11/2019 06:48

Op when I refused to go to a family weekend away at similar stage to you I know I was criticised mum even said “first babies are always late”. Errr maybe yours were but as my waters dramatically broke at 35 weeks on the Saturday we would have been away I was glad I followed my instinct

Pinkblueberry · 07/11/2019 08:38

As if no one in the Highlands gives birth you'd probably get more care!

What a ridiculous comment - no one sets out to give birth hundreds of miles from home, wherever that may be. Being discharged from hospital and then going back to a cottage where you have nothing ready for the baby?? Have you thought about the 12+ hour drive back to OPs home with a tiny newborn? I think that’s a stupid thing to risk.

PaperWhiteDaisy · 07/11/2019 08:50

No way would I consider that. The return journey sounds dreadful even without being pregnant. Enjoy your last month or so of peace and rest. You will most likely want your own bed and space. Even when you like your hosts a lot, it can be hard work being a guest somewhere. I wouldn’t put myself through that. Your OH is lacking a lot of empathy if he thinks that’s a reasonable idea

MsTSwift · 07/11/2019 08:51

Pink but all that needs to be balanced against the needs of the in laws dog. Come on be reasonable please

beargrass · 07/11/2019 08:57

Another no!! I was very fit throughout pregnancy but by that stage, my hips were getting quite uncomfortable and there's no way I'd have been persuaded to sit in a car for that length of time. Plus all the other pretty obvious reasons.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 07/11/2019 08:58

Your 'partner' and his family are being absolute dicks to even ask this of you.

Say no. Don't negotiate or entertain their counterpoints. Say your Doctor said no if you must, but your word should be enough IMO.

NearlyGranny · 07/11/2019 09:00

They can't travel to you because of the dog?! Well, that says it all. The health and well-being of you and their DGC comes second to inconveniencing their bloody dog.

🙄🙄🙄

Abouttimemum · 07/11/2019 09:01

Nope, gave birth at 34 weeks here. It was hell and my baby was on life support. No way i’d want that to happen so far away from home, imagine having to travel back with a new baby, or even worse there be complications. Not worth it. If his family want to see him they can travel to you.

Abouttimemum · 07/11/2019 09:02

The dog!? Fuck that. Definitely wouldn’t go.

Ohyesiam · 07/11/2019 09:07

What’s the 30 miles like? I have friends in the West coat who love about 30 miles outside Ullapool and for some weeks of last winter their sons couldn’t get into school because of the snow on one high exposed part of the drive.
That was a school bus.
Do your husbands family have a 4 wheel drive, and is there road in to town navigable to them in the winter would be my questions.

I would also be wanting a night stop somewhere around the Lake District there and back.

Hope it all goes well op.

Luftschloss · 07/11/2019 10:15

Just keep saying 'Because I don't want to'. No need for your midwife as alibi/authority. Anyone with a fragment of imagination and empathy doesn't need to have it explained to them why someone who is 36 weeks pregnant and possibly understandably preoccupied with giving birth for the first time, might not want to take an entirely avoidable long drive to a remote place.

If she were escaping from zombies, sure. Voluntarily, when she could spent Christmas comfortably at home in London, in the secure knowledge that her hospital/midwife/MLU is down the road -- why would she?

BIWI · 07/11/2019 10:19

@nowayhose

YABU, you'll be very unlikely to either go into labour ( and even if you do, it won't shoot out like a greased penguin you know ! You will have time to travel to hospital / midwife unit. ) as most first pregnancies deliver after their due date

What a ridiculous thing to say!

Both my DC were born at 36 weeks, and came very quickly - DC1 labour was 4 hours and DC2 less than 3.

I definitely wouldn't go - not only will the journey be uncomfortable, you are too far away from your hospital and could go into labour too

DeathStare · 07/11/2019 10:29

They say to ask your midwife? Then lie. Tell them you called your midwife to ask and she told you it was a ridiculous idea.

DeathStare · 07/11/2019 10:33

YABU, you'll be very unlikely to either go into labour ( and even if you do, it won't shoot out like a greased penguin you know ! You will have time to travel to hospital / midwife unit. ) as most first pregnancies deliver after their due date

Don't be stupid. My first was born at 34 weeks after less than an hour in labour. In the middle of winter. In a snowstorm. We lived in suburbia about 5 miles from the hospital and only just made it. I'd seen the midwife the day before and showed no signs then of going into labour imminently.

Booboostwo · 07/11/2019 10:39

Well of course you wouldn't want to inconvenience their dog! Hmm

What does your DP say about all this silliness? Isn't it time he stood up for you?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/11/2019 11:30

I know two people who have quick labours. One is a mandatory home birth now because there is no way she can get to hospital in time. First child was under an hour and they have got faster.
The other managed to get to hospital but her DH ended up delivering the baby on the way to the ward.

You don’t know what any birth is going to be like until it happens.

By 36 weeks my SI joints was so unstable I couldn’t sit anywhere for more than 30 mins before it got too painful.

I would say that you have been advised not to travel (you don’t have to tell them it was MN that advised Wink)

Bluetrews25 · 07/11/2019 13:27

So when you have had baby, and they want to see it asap, are they going to expect you all to drag yourselves up to Scotland a couple of days post natal?

NoCleanClothes · 07/11/2019 13:43

YANBU. You'll be massively uncomfortable and if you do go into labour it will be ridiculously annoying to be so far from home and have to worry about getting back with the baby.

PicsInRed · 07/11/2019 13:54

Your partner sounds useless and unsupportive - in fact, permitting his family to bully and endanger you for their own convenience.

This will get worse once baby is born and you're stuck.

You say you're American and your family live in the States. Now's the time to decide where your best future lies. You can't remove baby after birth without father's consent or court order...however you can travel permanently abroad before birth up to approximately 30 weeks (airline limit). Flowers

Whattodoabout · 07/11/2019 13:58

most of us in not-London live 30 miles from a hospital. because London is the only big city in the UK? Hmm. My nearest hospital is 5 miles away.

Anyway, I wouldn’t do this OP. Chances are you will be overdue with your first child but I wouldn’t risk it. Not only that but a 12 hour drive is miserable at the best of times, doing it whilst heavily pregnant is torturous.

Nanny0gg · 07/11/2019 14:03

The journey up will be very uncomfortable.

And depending on your labour, the journey home might be worse.

So I wouldn't take the chance.

Frustratedfrenchie · 07/11/2019 14:11

Both of my DDs were born at 36 weeks so i wouldn't risk it.

AmeliaE · 07/11/2019 19:54

I can't believe that they think that the journey is not ok for a dog but suitable for a heavily pregnant lady.

Alsohuman · 07/11/2019 20:13

Don’t they have kennels in Scotland? Just tell them the midwife says no. End of discussion.

MadeForThis · 07/11/2019 22:17

Even if the baby doesn't arrive you would have another awful 10-12 hour journey to make it home again. Just not worth it.

Especially if they value the dogs comfort more than your own.