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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Travelling at 36 weeks preg for Christmas

192 replies

jodes7001 · 05/11/2019 16:26

Hi all - just wanted some advice. I am going to be 36 weeks preg the week of Christmas (first time pregnancy), and my partner wants me to go to very rural Scotland (rural Highlands, west coast) where his family lives for the holiday. I am very nervous about travelling that far at 36 weeks and being physically uncomfortable for a 10-12hr drive in possibly bad weather conditions and not near my hospital. He and his family are saying I am worrying too much and it's very unlikely I will go into labour and I will be fine, and that they are about 30 miles from a hospital.

My family are in Los Angeles, so I am staying in the UK this year.

Am I overreacting by wanting to stay in London 4 weeks before my due date? Thanks for any advice! xx

OP posts:
Dueinnov19 · 05/11/2019 22:32

Watch a couple of episodes of the highland midwife.... the answer is a big fat nope from me

I am currently 37 weeks with 2nd baby and I wouldn't do it

  1. I need 4 pillows around me to sleep. In a different bed I would be uncomfortable and my dh would be mightly hacked off with my pillow bed.
  1. Insomnia can set in. Even in my in laws who are lovely as pie I would feel uncomfortable getting up and watching tv downstairs or making myself a drink at 3am etc
  1. On average I need to pee about 4 times a night. If you have an en suite not too bad but if its shared with the house if someone else is in there it can be painful to wait ( I sometimes hear my dh get up so I get out of bed before him and send him downstairs)
  1. If you have any medical problems being in a familiar hospital can really help. I would have been overwhelmed if I had my first DC in an unfamiliar hospital...even just finding the maternity ward
  1. With both of mine at 36 weeks Braxton hicks started to ramp up and sitting for that length of time in a car while dealing with that would be a huge no. I struggle with a 30 min journey.
  1. In your own home you will naturally feel more comfortable to sit and veg. Watch what you want, eat what you want and sleep when you want. Even if you feel comfortable around family it's not the same. Especially when you just want to take your bra off and wear pjs for the day.
SpaceDinosaur · 05/11/2019 22:33

Not a fucking chance!!!

We had all sorts of plans for Christmas the year DD was born. She was due Boxing Day.

I wound up with regular hospital visits, pre eclampsia, hormones sky high and then an induction (bloody marvellous birth tho!)

Have Christmas at home.
And don't forget that when you have to drag yourself and your newborn up to the frozen north to meet the family that a newborn needs to have a break from being in their car seat every 90 min.

PinkiOcelot · 05/11/2019 22:47

God some people are so selfish. Let them do the 12 hour car journey to visit you. You dp needs to give his head a wobble and start thinking about you!!

Ginfordinner · 05/11/2019 22:50

Loads of posters have clearly never been to the West coast of Scotland. Their A roads are narrow windy roads with passing places. 30 miles is a long way on those roads.

Not to mention that it would probably take more than a day to drive home with such a small baby as they aren't supposed to be scrunched up in a car seat for too long.

And what if the OP ends up having an emergency section?

SouthernComforts · 05/11/2019 22:53

No no no no. A 12 hour drive would kill my back without being 36 weeks pregnant!

EKGEMS · 05/11/2019 22:55

I'm a registered nurse and I would STRONGLY advise you NOT to go on this trip. Your partner is at the most ignorant and inconsiderate and selfish.

MadeinBelfast · 05/11/2019 22:59

I would also be worried that if there was a problem the baby might end up in NICU and then you could be stuck up there for days if not weeks. That's probably very unlikely to happen but I wouldn't want the stress of worrying about it.

simplekindoflife · 05/11/2019 23:02

So OP, what's the verdict??

stucknoue · 05/11/2019 23:11

I would go, or consider the train. Just take your notes, hospital bags and the car seat just in case

ActualHornist · 05/11/2019 23:16

I wouldn’t, due to the journey rather than distance from hospital.

most of us in not-London live 30 miles from a hospital the U.K. isn’t a London or the sticks Confused plenty of us live in cities that are not even London!

TiceCream · 05/11/2019 23:19

No way, it would be agonisingly uncomfortable. And imagine driving back if you’ve had an emergency c-section! Every bump in the road hurt like hell and I only had a 30 minute drive. Plus it’ll take you days to get home with a newborn because you’ll have to stop every half an hour.

Skysblue · 05/11/2019 23:28

No. Driving (or being driven) is a strain on the body it is unfair on you and the baby.

A friend drove London-Edinburgh during 2nd trimester and started bleeding towards the end of the drive.

nononever · 06/11/2019 09:02

Loads of posters have clearly never been to the West coast of Scotland. Their A roads are narrow windy roads with passing places. 30 miles is a long way on those roads.

Yes! As frequent visitors to the western highlands I would just like to add that quite often there is no phone signal plus you most likely would not see another driver for miles, if at all. One of our favourite places in Scotland though!

MsTSwift · 06/11/2019 09:46

Am sure it would be a lovely trip - just the wrong time for it!

leomama81 · 06/11/2019 12:17

The nhs offer a standard of care so yoid receive near enough the same treatment.

That is completely untrue. Yes there are guidelines but the procedures and even medication on offer vary according to the facilities at each hospital. Many midwife led units only offer gas and air for pain relief, for example, while an epidural could be out of the question. (Even cancer treatments on offer vary wildly between hospitals two hours apart, as my father found out with life altering consequences, though that's a different thread)

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/11/2019 12:38

If you were going to a city I’d say go for it as the standard of maternity care is generally better in the major Scottish hospitals than London (plus you also get the benefit of having a Scottish born child which has benefits for uni fees etc). But the highlands is hit and miss - in some places all you get are community midwives (who often need to travel 30 miles to get to you) and if you need to be blue-lighted you are looking at horrendous waits / air ambulance. If you are fairly close to Inverness or Aberdeen then it might not be as bad though.

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/11/2019 12:44

I can't imagine travelling that far when 36 weeks pregnant, I would have been in a massive amount of pain being in a car that long. And, heaven knows how many toilet breaks I would have needed!

Does your partner know how long it would take to actually travel that 30 miles? What the weather is normally like and what facilities the local hospital had for childbirth? The tv programme on the rural Scottish midwives was an eye-opener for me.

PicsInRed · 06/11/2019 12:53

Theres 30 miles and 30 miles.

30 miles in late Dec in the fucking Highlands is potentially impassable country, potentially (weather dependant) not even by rescue helicopter.

Hard no from me.

Scottish, love Scotland, from one Scot to another your DH and his family are barking.

Motoko · 06/11/2019 15:22

So @jodes7001 have you decided what to do? If you're not going, have you told them yet?

Original poster
jodes7001 · 06/11/2019 15:35

Hi all! Thanks so much for your feedback and support! I am definitely not going over Christmas, I don't even know why I felt the need to justify why I couldn't make it to my partner and his family in the first place. I am actually going up there this weekend for a funeral, and at only 29+4 weeks I am dreading the journey already!! I am sure I will get an earful.

It had been haunting me for weeks, but I finally said no and let them know they are more than welcome to make the trek down to London. The response was 'well we have the dog..." which obviously is irritating to me to think of the dog, but not have thought how uncomfortable of a position that would put me in.

Also, another very annoying thing is I felt dismissed as they keep saying "well, just ask your midwife" after I said no. I feel I shouldn't have to justify it! What if the midwife said "there should be no issue, and trust your intuition" I will feel ganged up on because I already said I don't want to go. I think its fine now, but it is one of those cases of "well I had 3 kids and travelled all over the place while preg up until I was induced at 42 weeks and I was fine"...

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 06/11/2019 15:38

Your midwife would most definitely tell you not to travel that far by car at 36 weeks pregnant. Tbh I wouldn't even be going that far at 29 weeks.

Taswama · 06/11/2019 17:43

Glad you’ve said no for definite now OP
What was the name of that programme about Scottish midwives @Disfordarkchocolate ? Sounds interesting.

Scarlettpixie · 06/11/2019 17:56

No way! It is certainly not unlikely you will go into labour at 36 weeks. Babies are considered full term from 37-42 weeks but still.

DS began threatening to arrive at 35 weeks and I had already had a stay in hospital at 36 weeks thinking he would be arriving shortly. He eventually hung on until 37+5.

I am all for getting on with your life as normal - I was out with friends the night before DS was born, but I would not have wanted to do a very long journey or be that far from home at 36 wks pregnant.

I live in the midlands and was 10 miles from hospital. That was far enough when in labour.

Dueinnov19 · 06/11/2019 18:14

@Taswama it was called the highland midwife. Think it was on channel 5.

Ignore them op. My midwife was shocked that women dont stop work at 28 weeks to give themselves time to rest and she advised me to stop work a week sooner than I intended and I am glad she did.

Ask your midwife. Even if (and that's a big if) she said it would be ok you dont have to go if you dont want to and no one need know that you asked and what the response was.

But to be honest if they are putting their dog first over a family member and unborn child it says it all really. Sounds a bit like my brothers... selfish through and through

nowayhose · 06/11/2019 18:21

YABU, you'll be very unlikely to either go into labour ( and even if you do, it won't shoot out like a greased penguin you know ! You will have time to travel to hospital / midwife unit. ) as most first pregnancies deliver after their due date.

Rural areas have bad weather EVERY winter, it's not like London where everything grinds to a halt if it snows ! Locals and hospitals etc are used to the weather, and the winding roads etc and they manage perfectly well ever bloody year !

Also, 30 miles in NE Scotland can EASILY be a 20 min journey, even in winter ! I'm sure your partner was actually from the NW Scotland area ? You can check on a map exactly how close to a hospital etc you would be and if it helped you could have a route plan worked out beforehand if necessary.

Needless to say, babies are born DAILY in rural parts of the UK, it's not an actual problem that a little prior planning can't solve !

You will still be a whole month away from your due date at Xmas, so birth will not be 'imminent'.

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