AIBU not to let MIL bring her puppy to my house

[Yellowcar107]

Hi,

My in-laws insisted that we do Christmas day with them this year so we agreed but said Christmas at my house as her other dog bit my 3 year old on our last visit to their house so now they see us at ours because 3 year old is now terrified of dogs in general now.

She has since got a new puppy a miniature poodle breed and won't go anywhere without it. So much so she hasn't come up since and we have said she can come up as long as the dog stays in a pen or cage. She then said the puppy had broken the pen and it 'will just stay on my lap'. My partner and I both knew that wouldn't happen so we said she couldn't come without a cage or pen for the puppy.

Now she is saying that I am being unreasonable and that she won't come and see us 'ever'. Am I being unreasonable? I don't have pets, don't want pets, and have 3 year old terrified and a 10 month old.

She has turned it a battle wills and I feel like I have already compromised by letting her bring the puppy at all in a pen/cage.

Any advice? Anyone else had this?

Thanks!

Just tell her that's no problem,soynds like she won't be much of a loss on Christmas day! Your husband can see them at some other point over the holiday.

YANBU. Your home, your rules. Putting your kids first is the right thing to do. If her dogs are more important than her family then that's her loss and her prerogative. It sounds like a power play; if you give in on this very reasonable issue, then you are setting yourself up for bigger fallouts in the future.

I would just reply "Oh well sorry to hear that, have a lovely Christmas"

Not a battle, a straight "no and im not changing my mind" will do

Yanbu. If one of her dogs has already hurt your son she should understand your reluctance. Who brings their dog when they visit people anyway? Is this really a thing?

If this is the hill your MIL wants to die on, so be it. This is your home, and you make the rules. I wouldn't want a puppy in my home, either. It's pathetic that she is choosing a dog over seeing her son and grandchildren, and I would tell her that. What a twat.

I think it’s very fair to say she can bring it in a crate.

IMO your DH should be calling her to say not acceptable and her problem. Not for you to do the foot putting down.

A puppy will be likely be chewy and excited. Not a good combination around children and lots of toys at Christmas time. You are being the responsible one here.

Personally I wouldn't let a dog into the home of a child who is terrified of dogs, why would you. Home is their safe place.

(I would look at supporting your 3yr old to over come this fear - BUT this is a completely separate issue and will take longer than 7 weeks! I say this as a parent of a DC in a similar position at 3, who now runs into the road rather than share a pavement with a dog. It is much harder to deal with at 10yrs old!)

You are absolutely within your rights to say no.

However consider the bigger picture and forget the battle of wills for a minute. Wouldn’t a gentle introduction to a small cute puppy be a good way for you to work together on addressing your 3 year old’s fear? Dog phobias can be awful so if you can work to overcome it your 3 year old will benefit

I don't know what's gone on in the last few years where people think their dogs are children and should come everywhere with them and you're some sort of monster for saying you don't want their dog in your house. YANBU, looks like she won't be spending Christmas with her GC then

Say she can come then surprise her with a dog crate for the puppy as a Christmas gift. Unwrapped early to make maximum use of it, obviously.

Your house, your rules, OP.
I'll mind the puppy!
Are you a dog phobe, too, OP? I was one for a loooong time.
Got over it when we got a dog for security reasons.

YANBU, I sympathise as I am currently being guilt tripped by MIL and DP to let her jumpy and destructive dog stay with us when she visits and at Christmas. I have a 16 month old and I don’t want a large dog in my home, less so when it causes me extra work to clean up after their visits.

Wouldn’t a gentle introduction to a small cute puppy be a good way for you to work together on addressing your 3 year old’s fear?

Sounds fine in theory but small, cute puppies are generally yappy, bitey and jumpy, which makes them exactly the wrong way to go about this. A mature, sedate, well-trained dog is the way to go about this.

If the mil had a dog who bit a small child, she is obviously not a particularly responsible owner who trains her dogs or who recognises their limitations. Given that, I wouldn't even trust her with a crate as she is likely to let the dog out.

Nnnnnnnnope!

Sounds like a good get out clause.

Unlike a PP certainly don’t think a nervous 3 year old and a puppy are a good mix. If you want to start introducing him to dogs then you need a reliable older dog.

Wouldn’t a gentle introduction to a small cute puppy be a good way for you to work together on addressing your 3 year old’s fear?

Possibly but that should happen in a park, or outdoor space where the child can decide how close they want to get, and it's for the child's benefit not the dog or MiL's.

I love dogs, but this isn't about dogs.

Don't argue with her or fall out. Be sweetness and light. "That's a shame MiL, we'll miss you!"

Not unreasonable at all.

I have a firm no dogs in my house rule and all my friends respect that.

Sounds bloody perfect.
Best Christmas present ever.
She won't be visiting ever!!

I agree that if she can't follow your rules, then she's not welcome.
I do like the idea of surprising her with a 'Christmas present' crate when she arrives, though. Trouble with that, is she might come up with excuses as to why the puppy can't use it, so it's safer to say, 'my house, my rules, puppy in a cage or you don't come'.

We have a small cute puppy. With teeth and claws like needles. She most definitely wouldn’t be good news with a dog phobic child. You can pick up a crate for about £20, OP. I think you’re being very sensible.

Err you are definitely nbu at all! Her dog bit your child end of. Your child is now, understandably, scared of dogs. Why would she even expect to take her puppy round to visit? I agree with pp puppies are excitable, yappy and unpredictable. I would also agree that introducing your 3yo to a puppy won't help with the phobia as their behaviour is so unpredictable. I agree with @babyblues you need an older dog who is tried and tested and calm around children. I've had dogs all my life but don't understand people taking them to other people's houses to visit and treating them like babies. I think you're being very reasonable suggesting puppy can come in a crate. MIL is not a very responsible dog owner or considerate grandmother I'd say.

@Winterdaysarehere I thought the same thing

YANBU at all.

(Please find some calm gentle dogs with sensible owners to help your 3-year-old to get over her fear though).