Shop staff took my daughter out of her trolley seat

[mummydoingamasters]

Soooo, first time posting but I need a head wobble I think.
I have a tendency for the dramatics but this really did upset me.
Second time mum, DS2 and DD 12 weeks. We went shopping at a local supermarket and DD hates being moved around (who doesn't).
First off, there were no baby trolleys or car seat trolleys so I had to ask for the shop to let me use the one they were keeping indoors.
Walking round, DD starts to cry, a 'I've been disturbed and I'm going to make you pay for it' cry. A member of staff walking past started to touch her bare hand in an attempt to settle her. This member of staff was wearing work gloves and I don't know what she had been handling whilst wearing those gloves. I pushed the trolley on already embarrassed by the noise DD was making.
We get to the till and the member of staff on the till gets up, walks behind me to the trolley, unbuckles DD and has her up on her shoulder trying go to settle her while I'm unloading my shopping. There is no exchange, no attempt to engage with me if this is even ok just does it. I notice when another member of staff joins her and have to say that I don't like it when strangers pick up/touch/handle my child. She said she was trying to help as I was busy with the shopping and she thought it would help me. My thought process would probably have been to help with the shopping, not the strangers child or is it me that's wrong?!

I get home, tell my DP about it and he goes nuts. I'm usually the one to lose my temper quite quickly when it comes to the DC's but he was really unhappy. Understandably on reflection. I felt really outnumbered and caught off guard which is why I said nothing more than already stated but getting home and replaying it, I really think I down played this?

AIBU to contact the company and complain or am I being a fractious mum who needs to get over herself?

I think it's just polite to ask first or maybe it's just me. Maybe because I wouldn't pick up someone else's child I don't think people should pick mine up.

I love that there are so many open minded, dare I say it, liberal people out there. I'm clearly much more uptight than I gave myself credit for.

Beveren I'm not sure his employer would be too keen on him leaving to do the food shop.

He presumably isn't at work 24 hours a day 7 days a week? And he was apparently waiting for you at home when you got back?

They weren’t trying to help, they just wanted a baby cuddle.

I would honestly complain, they should have engaged with you and found out from you if they could sort your shopping for you, not baby sit whilst you do that, without even acknowledging you.

This is a huge disrespect of boundary’s and would have made a lot of people feel extremely anxious and shit.

If this happened at a supermarket in the UK I’d say this would be dealt with extremely seriously.

And please report it OP because imagine it in terms of health and safety, for example if they accidentally caused harm to your child doing this, or dropped her etc.

(I know very rare) but you can’t just take someone’s child out of their seat without asking. It is crazy.

Imagine if you complain and it breaks some silly rule they have?
She could end up with a written warning or worse, dismissal!
You don't want that.

Beveren no, he works when the shops are quiet though so it's worked alright until now.

He wasn't at home, I messaged him what had happened. He replied and he was not happy with what had happened.

If your daughter was crying the whole time, which is what you said originally then they were just trying to help.
Complain if you want but it just means they will stop helping parents all together. You should be grateful not moaning and your husband is being completely ridiculous. Just tell him to get the shopping after work from now on.
Honestly can't believe people complain about being helped!!

Jellybeansincognito this was in the UK

How strange that she didn't just ask if there was anything she could do to help, ie. help you put your shopping on the conveyer belt to speed things along.

She shouldn't have done it. If you are brave enough, have a word with her directly if you would recognise her, saying that although you know it was well intentioned, it was inappropriate and someone else could well complain and get her into trouble.

this staff in Iceland must be riddled with diseases. Jesus Christ I've heard it all now.Keep your kids in plastic bags in future

Only read op, but I would have been annoyed if a complete stranger got my dc out of the prom and lifter her to try and settle her, especially as she didn’t ask to. I’m not worried about the fact she was wearing work gloves, more that she had the audacity to do so. In this day and age,you just don’t do that. I get that she was trying to help, but she could have helped with the shopping, not the baby. And she should have spoken to,you first.

Shop workers are there to help with your shopping @Rosebel. They are not babysitters whilst you sort your own shopping out.

Sometimes when people try to help it is the wrong thing to do, you don’t have to be grateful every time. OP felt uncomfortable with the situation and tbh I don’t know anyone in real life who wouldn’t.

@mummydoingamasters I'm nearly 28 weeks pregnant with our first and I know for certain I'd be so cross if a stranger picked her up! I understand they wanted to be helpful but as you said, help with the shopping not the baby! You don't know them, what they've been touching, if they've been around people who are ill, etc. Might seem an overreaction but I'd rather worry too much about their well-being than too little. If I was you I'd write a short letter to the store, something along the lines of "I understand they wanted to be helpful but it's not okay to touch a child especially a young baby without the parents permission"

I take it you don’t wash your hands in-between your food prep then @lalafafa?

I would complain also.

Goodness me this thread. (Where's a facepalm emoji when you need one?).

Someone picking up a baby is a million miles away from sexual assault-how dare you compare the two? Having been the victim of not one but two sexual assaults I'm pretty fucking annoyed that some peppier think this is comparable.

Yes, she should have asked before she picked your baby up but I really couldn't get that worked up about it. I certainly wouldn't be going 'nuts' or whatever the fuck your partner was doing.

If this worker will happily take a crying baby out of their secure seat without even so much as acknowledging the parent- what else are they capable of?

I wouldn't have been happy if some stranger had plucked my 12 week old baby out of her car seat without asking/permission. It's just not on.

If this worker will happily take a crying baby out of their secure seat without even so much as acknowledging the parent- what else are they capable of?

Murder for sure. Possibly genocide.

It’s not comparable, but consent is important @MyGhastIsFlabbered.

If the shop worker acknowledged OP in the correct way and asked if she could, that would be miles apart.

It isn’t acceptable to just pick up someone else’s crying child. Unless you know them, or have asked first.

All that you had to do was say "You deal with the shopping, please give me the baby".

Celebelly Don’t be ridiculous.

The shop worker clearly has no boundary’s and many vulnerable people need help when shopping. Boundary’s and acknowledgement of consent is important.

Imagine if she took someone’s purse for example thinking they couldn’t do it themselves.

@Celebelly

mummydoingamasters I wouldn't have wanted someone else picking my 12 week old up, but I wouldn't have left a 12 week old to scream in a cold plastic trolly shell whole I did a supermarket shop - that's not meeting the baby's needs.

Usually not wanting other people to pick up your baby goes hand in hand with actually meeting your baby's needs.

There are so many options in the UK - including online grocery shopping and the very long supermarket opening hours meaning that the other parent can easily go on their way home or before work, depending on their hours.

I had a 23 month age gap in a country where those things don't exist and used a sling (wrap) so the baby was always warm and snuggled. Of course it's awkward and takes longer but it meets the baby's needs for comfort. Really unless you have twins/ triplets the logistics can be managed without leaving a baby to cry for an extended period.

When I was a student I lived in a terraced house next door to a couple with a baby who was fairly tiny when we first moved in. Obviously I have no idea what was going on in that house but the baby used to cry and cry and cry. It used to wake me and I'd instinctively go to pick up the baby before I was fully awake to remember I wasn't babysitting/ responsible, the baby was in another household - and that was before I had children of my own.

The cry of a distressed 12 week old not being comforted is more than just an annoying loud noise (though it's that too) it goes against human nature to ignore it and is quite painful on that level, my just the disturbing noise level (which it's also pretty selfish to inflict on people including other people's small children and people with potentially their own difficult issues around noise etc).