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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She should have let me have it surely?

518 replies

AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 04/11/2019 22:42

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

OP posts:
TeddybearBaby · 05/11/2019 09:47

I openly talk about it to my family and friends. They’ve never heard of It @SquareAsABlock

Sotiredbutcannotsleep · 05/11/2019 09:48

I don't see the issue here. I DO admire the friend's enterprising skills however.....Wink.

Cuppachino · 05/11/2019 09:48

I sometimes wonder, when an AIBU is this specific, with this many identifying details, whether the poster is hoping the person in the post is on Mumsnet and is going to read it

You don't think maybe the OP has changed some identifying details?

Butchyrestingface · 05/11/2019 09:49

She doesn’t particularly need the money

Perhaps this is why. She runs an Ebay shop. Smile

It seems fairly obvious to me that your friend bought the coat in the first instance with the intention of selling it on. You said in your opening paragraph that it wasn’t in her size. I’m sure she knew that. She just didn’t care because she was intending to sell it and make a profit.

You, on the other hand, managed to tell her that it wasn’t the right size for her but was for you and when she said she liked it anyway, that was “fair enough, kind of ” (WTF?) with you. You then repeated how much you liked it and would buy it from her if she changed her mind (ie, if she came to her senses and realised she was too fat/thin for the coat). And all that before the woman has barely got her purchase out of the shop! Confused

I wouldn’t be offering to sell you the coat either. I’d think you’d left your manners somewhere and needed to wind your neck in swiftly. And you think she’s the greedy cow! Shock

I certainly wouldn’t go giving her any more tablecloths or cast offs though. I think there a high probability they’ll end up being auctioned. Unless you’re happy with that, just donate them to charity. Smile

Cuppachino · 05/11/2019 09:49

Oh and yes OP, your friend was mean, shitty thing to do.

SquareAsABlock · 05/11/2019 09:57

@TeddybearBaby, that's pretty much what I told the person I found posting on here when I later saw them using MN on their phone.....

Original poster
AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 05/11/2019 10:00

Burnoutbabe you’ve summed it up perfectly:

  • If I'd agree ms to go shopping and had said I was looking for a new coat in the charity shops then I'd be miffed if the person I was with picked nice coats and insisted she had them before I got into any shop. Just doesn't seem very friendly. But I assume she also hadn't said "cone with me, I am stocking up on more items to sell" and she only bought one item to sell on in the entire trip? Which doesn't seem very business like.*

To be fair, I didn’t specifically tell her i would be looking for a coat BUT she knew I’d been searching on eBay and in fact had shown her a pic of one I liked but thought might be too long.

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 05/11/2019 10:01

I think it's odd you're offended. She saw it, she bought it, she's selling it. Lots of people do this and it's how she's making some money.

I don't understand why so many people think she's a bad friend. It's not the only coat in the world, just because she's found something you like doesn't mean she owes it to you.

Original poster
AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 05/11/2019 10:02

Yep it has crossed my mind now that she may have actually sold the tablecloth, hope not though 🤔

OP posts:
misspiggy19 · 05/11/2019 10:09

YANBU- she knew you liked it and you told her you would buy it off her if she didn’t want it anymore.

For her to then go and sell it on eBay is crass. Any normal person would have asked you first

PositiveVibes11 · 05/11/2019 10:09

This wouldn't bother me at all, I think you are overreacting. I wouldn't have given the coat a second thought once she'd purchased it, certainly wouldn't have gone looking on eBay. Seems like you wanted to catch her out and be annoyed.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/11/2019 10:13

Of course it's her coat and she can do what she wants with it but I couldn't imagine doing that to a friend of mine......I like my friends

Butchyrestingface · 05/11/2019 10:15

For her to then go and sell it on eBay is crass. Any normal person would have asked you first

The woman is apparently running a business. She doesn’t know how much she could get for it in auction so offering to sell it to OP could lead to a loss in revenue. What’s crass about that? ¯\(ツ)/¯

Original poster
AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 05/11/2019 10:16

Seems like you wanted to catch her out and be annoyed

No I was annoyed she didn’t give me the chance to buy the coat, even if I’d paid more than her!

Really, when she got it home and tired it on and decided she wasn’t keeping it —she was never friggin keeping it— she could have even told me she was listing it to give me the chance to offer/bid

But NO is am NOT having it am I?! She never even gave me the chance.

Actually I’m starting to think she’s jealous and doesn’t want me to have it regardless

OP posts:
DonKeyshot · 05/11/2019 10:21

My sentiments exactly, Arya. I like my friends too and, as I said earlier, I would have had no hesitation in allowing the OP to purchase the coat and, if I had a spare tenner on me, I would have bought it and gifted it to her.

What's a tenner these days? 2 or 3 coffees or a couple of pints if you're lucky. Hardly worth losing a friendship over.

Whattodoabout · 05/11/2019 10:22

She didn’t cheat the charity out of money, she paid what they asked for. I have bought designer clothing in charity shops before then sold it on, I don’t think there’s anything immoral about it whatsoever. Some people make a business out of it, it’s just a way to make extra cash when you’re hard up. Christmas time can be tough, your friend probably just needed some cash.

If the coat means that much to you, buy it off her on ebay.

Butchyrestingface · 05/11/2019 10:26

Actually I’m starting to think she’s jealous and doesn’t want me to have it regardless

She’s heavier than you, right?

I wouldn’t say you’re “starting” to think she’s jealous. I caught a whiff of this in your OP.

Really though, the only jealous sounding person in this scenario is you - so jealous that your friended bought a coat you wanted that you couldn’t even let her get out of the store without commenting on how it didn’t fit her and offering to buy it from her.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/11/2019 10:29

What's a tenner these days? 2 or 3 coffees or a couple of pints if you're lucky. Hardly worth losing a friendship over.

Exactly, it seems really petty and penny pinching. Even if this is a business venture for her, one item that a good friend really wanted? It would be there's and I'd keep looking

NellieEllie · 05/11/2019 10:31

It sounds a bit unkind. But the OPs description of desperately trying to prise the coat away from her friend after she had found it (possibly already bought it) seems a bit grabby itself.
It does seem clear to me that she went in the shop with the pure intention of finding stuff to sell on. OP went elsewhere while she looked, then you come back and want what she has found. I personally don’t think she was unreasonable. If she’d bought it thinking it fitted her, then it didn’t, fine - seems reasonable for her to buy it off her at amount she’d paid.

TargaryenBean · 05/11/2019 10:32

First come first served - I might be a bit pissy on the inside if a friend bagged a nice item before me but, she has every right to buy it and sell it its hers! She's doubled her money, good on her. You don't have rights to it because it's in your size, it's a fashion item get over it.

MGMidget · 05/11/2019 10:34

Why don't you visit the charity shop separately from her in future to look for nice things for yourself? She seems to see it as a bit of a business venture to buy up things she can sell on for a profit. Perhaps you are the test customer for her and that's why she asks you to come with her? She values your views, you mentioned you liked the coat but it wasn't her size and that may have confirmed to her that it was going to be a good one to buy and sell on at a profit. If you want to shop for nice things for yourself you will do better without her there. Would you have spotted this coat by yourself though or is she better than you at sifting through and finding the good stuff?

If you view what she is doing as a business venture and keep your friendship separate from it then you may be able to put this aside and continue the friendship. If she invites you again just explain that you have noticed it's a business venture for her and you prefer to shop at leisure for things you like. Then don't budge on your decision not to join her for another trip to the shop!

Jeremybearimybaby · 05/11/2019 10:34

No one owes you anything in life OP. It's a harsh lesson, but once you learn it, life will get better for you.
That's not to say I necessarily agree with a person selling on charity shop purchases, but ultimately she saw it, and bought it first, which makes her the owner.
I had to learn the hard way too, but it really does make life easier to navigate once you figure it out. If you choose to give her a tablecloth, then great, but that doesn't mean she owes you anything.
When people show you who they are...

SquareAsABlock · 05/11/2019 10:35

Actually I’m starting to think she’s jealous and doesn’t want me to have it regardless

Now you're just coming over as petulant.

gamerchick · 05/11/2019 10:36

This might have already been suggested but it's on eBay. Is there any reason you can't just buy it from there?

olieve · 05/11/2019 10:39

Well if you want to know if she sold your tablecloth go look at her selling history?

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