She should have let me have it surely?

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

In this situation OP I know my friends would have said "you have it" if I had liked the coat in the Charity Shop.

Likewise I wouldn't DREAM of whisking a coat away to sell on EBay if one of them liked it! Just wouldn't. I would have pleasure in them finding a coat they liked!

I think it's odd and nasty.

When people show you who they are...

Yup. And OP has shown her friend that she thinks she’s
a fatty who can’t choose clothes appropriate to her size, thinks friend is “jealous” of her and feels entitled to pressure friend to immediately sell her purchases on to her. When that doesn’t happen, she logs into friend’s Ebay shop to check out what friend is selling and then takes to t’internets to complain when she doesn’t like what she sees. ¯\(ツ)/¯

Stop going thrifting with her, whiles it sounds like your actually looking for clothes she’s selling them & making more money. Go on your own

@Chloe84! if you're going to quote me using inverted commas, please use the spellings I originally used . It took me a lot of Googling to find out that I've been spelling "publicly" wrong for the last 20 years . But yeah I stand by the opinion that it is a pretty public slagging, as it's a forum with over 10 million users, growing by 13 percent each month and an annual turnover of £7.2 million. (Unlike the spelling of "publicly" I've obviously got that little factoid just wedged in behind my left sense-of-self-righteousness, right next to where my delusions meet my hypocrisy.) I've been dying to slag my ex's parenting off for months now but I don't want to upset his wife in case she's on here. Of course the friends of the coat-lady won't identify her as, like you say, the OP didn't include a picture of her in this gorgeous Astrakhan (please say it's not an Astrakhan as they're just mean ) but the point was that she'd recognize herself. It's definitely not a fact that that is out-of-order but it is an opinion....

"Some people may have mentioned that she may have been offended that I told her it was too small for her...her weight fluctuates, she is quite open with me about that. Maybe it’s one of those situations where it’s ok for her to bring it up but not for me? In no way was I trying to rub it in. In fact I didn’t push it at the time because I thought she may want to keep it in case she does loose weight. Although I’m pretty sure even if she had the sleeves, length etc wouldn’t have been right."

So she bought a coat, you basically said "are you sure you want to keep it, cos you're probably too fat for it, but I'll fit in it", and you think she's the rude one

I think the only person ruining a friendship here is the OP. Mildly irked is understandable, but now she's jealous of you because, what - you're thinner than her? Oh.

Honestly this is not to do with size/weight, if you knew us in RL you’d see that and posters dragging this thread down that road are doing so because if their own agendas

*I think Mumsnet is proving that theory that says the wealthier people are, the meaner they are and the less compassion they have.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/08/the-age-of-entitlement-how-wealth-breeds-narcissism*

The only narcissism I see in this thread is OP thinking she deserved the jacket more because of a perceived imbalance.

It was friends find. OP IS NOT entitled to it because she also wants it

@siacolouredthesmallone what are you rambling on about? you seem very het up about an autocorrect typo! Chill out!

Honestly this is not to do with size/weight, if you knew us in RL you’d see that and posters dragging this thread down that road are doing so because if their own agendas

No, it’s not about size/weight. It’s about your colossal entitlement levels in this scenario.

Nobody is “dragging the thread down” either. It’s just that not everyone agrees that your friend is “jealous” and that you are hard done by.

@AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys, so why do you think shes jealous of you, if it's not to do with the fact the coat would fit you and not her possibly larger frame?

It’s clearly her money making plan , so I’d view it as the same as if she was a hairdresser, electrician or solicitor etc you would not ask for freebies or mates rates and respect it’s her income. We think we can guess another’s financial situation but really we cannot,

Yes she should have let you buy the coat, yes she’s an ungenerous friend and I’d re-evaluate the friendship

You sound a bit foot stampy about it all. She probably didn’t want to sell it to you because you’d pushed and pushed her to let you have it.

Just gracefully accept you didn’t get to it first.

for all you posters bleating on about how all profits on any donated goods should go back into the charity's coffers... in 2018 the wage bill for OXFAM (you know oxfam, the charity that had to sack senior aid workers for abusing survivors of the Haitian earthquake, including children) was almost £122MILLION...considering most of the workers in their charity shops are volunteers i'm guessing that the senior management are making a pretty penny..so why shouldn't other people?

Definitely a friend you can do without!! If I was her I would have let you have or buy the coat. She sounds very thick skinned...not my kind of friend.

what are you rambling on about? grin you seem very het up about an autocorrect typo! Chill out!

@Chloe84 right back atcha: what in the name of the thrice be-shitten shroud of Lazarus (as Hilary Mantel wrote in Wolf Hall) are you even on about? The one comment about spelling sandwiched between winking faces and genuinely-meant, self-directed barbs about my hypocrisy (I am a hypocrite but a self-aware one!) should have alerted you to the fact that I was attempting to be witty. As well as telling me that I'm horrible, are you going to break my heart further by informing me that I'm not even funny??

When the auction is over, i’ll go back and point out to them what’s happened so they maybe look at how they price things.

Now you’re just acting childish.

Get over yourself

The coat wasn’t even her size! Of course most normal friends would of said well it is your size, so you buy it if you like it.

The op is not entitled ffs

Lockheart charity shops don't price items at market level because they are CHARITY shops. The idea is that yes, some profit goes to charity but on the other side of it, shoppers who can't afford retail prices also get a bargain.
Shopping in charity shops is trendy now and good fun, but don't forget that the prices benefit poorer people, not just a new generation of customers who can actually choose to shop there. Setting high prices in charity shops would price out the demographic they're geared towards!

the OP reminds me of Elizabeth Bott from Just William..

I wouldn't class her as a friend after that.

It's shitty behaviour when she knew you liked it.

Yes @Sagradafamiliar I know that; I have volunteered in three charity shops. It is precisely my point. I was responding to posters who said it was immoral for people to then sell on at market price.

There are good reasons charity shops don't sell at market value and they would lose out if they did, as you point out.

They sell cheaply because they can get items for free and because they know they won't be able to sell at market value. Bargain hunters and traders buy cheap and sell high. Everyone is happy and there is nothing morally questionable about it.

She saw it first, bought it first, can do what she likes with it. I frequently buy things in charity shops and sell on. She didn't owe it to you, it's not a coat you had seen, wanted and she grabbed the last one off the rail in malice. She saw an opportunity and took it. You are sounding rather entitled and grabby about it which is probably she's not offered it to you and will benefit off eBay.

The charity shop sets its price. It gets its funding. The owner of the coat does what they will with it, it has lef charity jurisdiction.

And those saying they are there to benefit the poorer shopper, yes ok, but not every item in the shop is going to be a high value coat. The average poorer shopper is in there for essentials, rather than second hand designer items. It’s nice to find them of course but if youre looking for a coat, it keeps you warm, looks alright and fits your budget, then job done.

OP if you are that desperate for the coat, buy it in a store and have it today and enjoy it. No one owes you anything, the shop or your friend.

Well she saw it first and bought it with her own money. So yabu and jealous op