She should have let me have it surely?

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

TBH I think she is within her rights to buy something cheaply ,and then sell it on .Maybe ethically wrong ,but the shop itself can surely list things on EBAY if they want to. (My friend worked in a Charity shop and this was done quite often to get the max price for the Charity).I doubt she is the only person doing this either. Why not say straight out to her that you would have liked the Coat and see what she says?

If she is going through the hassle of selling on ebay then the money must be useful to her.

Not necessarily. I have a relative who does this kind of thing and refuses to buy duvets for her children, claiming that they can just "throw their coats over the sheets if they are cold".

She inherited more than 300,000 euros a few years ago (and no, she hasn't touched the money).

She saw the coat first, she bought it, never mind within her rights, its morally outrageous to buy something in a charity shop and sell it for your own gain. I worked with someone, big detached house, fancy cars, holidays abroad, (she retired at 50) mentioned liking something I had I gave it to her, (it would have gone to a charity shop) and she casually informed me, it had gone on e-bay, I was fuming.

Why is it wrong to buy from charity shops and sell on at a higher price? Lots of people do it from casual sellers like OPs friend to professional antique dealers.

Charity shops get items for free. They then do their own pricing, and the majority know how much things are worth now and have their own eBay stores.

If any shop asks for a certain price for an item and someone pays that price, it is then their item to do with whatever they like. They can sell it at a 1000% markup or smash it up with a hammer if they want. And it's no-ones business but theirs.

"Why is it wrong to buy from charity shops and sell on at a higher price?"

Because if the coat is worth more, then that extra should go to the charity. Those who are buying things to sell on are basically going "Yes, I could pay £12 for this £6 item and give that extra cash to some of the poorest children in the world, but I'm choosing to put that money in my own pocket instead". Ultimately, it's about who has the greater need - recipients of Oxfam's charitable projects, or some global northern spoiled brat who wants a new telly.

Playing devil's advocate here but YAB a bit U. As somebody who buys from charity shops to sell on eBay myself, you're not seeing things as 'nice' you're seeing things as profit.

She had it in her hands because she knew she could make money from it, you've walked in and essentially asked her to not do that. I'd have probably lied to you too as it sounds like you would have made the situation uncomfortable.

To put it in perspective OP, last week I bought a Toast denim jacket from a clarity shop for £4, put it on eBay at £40 + postage and it sold in less than a day. Why would you make your friend sacrifice money like that just because you liked the look of it?

She is mean - and meaness is the very worst of traits. You can do better. Leave her to shop on her own.

@verticality if the coat is worth more then the charity shop should charge more. There's nothing stopping them doing so.

Why is it wrong to buy from charity shops and sell on at a higher price?

Because charities are not businesses, out to make a profit. They are charities, out to make money to help poor people.

Legal? Yes. Ethical or moral? Not remotely.

Lockheart - you just keep telling yourself that to make your conscience feel better.

@verticality so what IS stopping them from selling it at a higher price? Do enlighten me. They have access to the same information other sellers do and there is nothing preventing them charging what it's worth.

I don't sell things on eBay / Etsy etc, I wouldn't have the time. My conscience is perfectly clear.

OP-Never mind the coat, surely the friendship is dead in the water? She cares more about making a few pounds than she does about someone she is supposed to care about it. Yes it's legal, but I wouldn't want to be around someone with that attitude towards life.

The point is that if you know the item is worth more then you should give that to charity TO HELP THE MOST VULNERABLE.

How is this hard to understand?

@DistanceCall then surely the charity shop manager is the immoral one for pricing an item below what it's worth? If the goal is to maximise revenue for a charity.

I believe charity shops have their prices set,

@verticality then the charity shop should price it as such. Once the item is out of their hands it's done.

so what IS stopping them from selling it at a higher price? Do enlighten me.

They are usually understaffed, overworked, and the staff often lacks the expertise to set more accurate prices. They often tend to err on the lower side to ensure that something will be bought.

Taking advantage of the lack of experience or knowledge of overworked charity workers is pretty disgusting.

I think Mumsnet is proving that theory that says the wealthier people are, the meaner they are and the less compassion they have.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/08/the-age-of-entitlement-how-wealth-breeds-narcissism

I think you need to speak up about the MIL issue, especially to her H if he's unaware. And then let the friendship take its course. Don't let it be about the coat as it's really petty and selfish if you think about the bigger issues you have mentioned.

@verticality you still haven't explained what's stopping charity shops pricing items at market level. If they did then everyone would be happy surely.

I agree with Lockheart, why is it wrong? Charity shops are not losing anything. They got asking price. I don't see the difference of buying a coat and wearing it, or selling it, from charity shop's pov. Or do people pay extra to the tagged price, if they found a bargain at charity shop thinking they are morally right? I doubt that.

the charity shop manager is the immoral one for pricing an item below what it's worth? If the goal is to maximise revenue for a charity.

Not really. They probably are undertrained and overworked. Making a mistake is not immoral. Knowingly buying from a charity being fully aware that they have underpriced an item IS immoral, in my view.

i dont think she is a greedy cow.
she is making money, she goes to the trouble of finding clothes, ebaying them, posting them.
let it go op

Sounds like this is a more frequent practice than I had thought. Nice.

@DistanceCall I've worked in three charity shops (one international, one national, one regional cancer hospice). Head office sent us stock. They had the experts go through it there and price it up. They very much DO have the time and expertise.