Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She should have let me have it surely?

518 replies

AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 04/11/2019 22:42

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

OP posts:
Mummadeeze · 06/11/2019 17:43

If I had found a good bargain to re-sell and that was how I made my pocket money, my answer to your question asking if I wanted or needed it would have been ‘yes’. I don’t think she has done anything wrong.

Holyshitbags · 06/11/2019 17:43

Sorry
I have only read the first couple of pages.
But I’m making tea so thought I’d offer my advice.
Sorry if it’s a repeat.
If I were you I would message saying you’ve seen it on eBay, appreciate that she wants to make a bit of profit but would she please please consider selling it to you at her listed start price as you love it so much!!
If she says no then she likes money more than she values her friendship to you....sorry!

Wherearemycrayons · 06/11/2019 17:44

Why don’t you just text her?

syskywalker · 06/11/2019 17:50

Not a friend. Cut her off life’s too short for nasty people that drain you. I’d rather have few real friends than many fake ones!

Kate0902900908 · 06/11/2019 17:55

Your ‘friend’ isn’t your friend. It doesn’t fit her and she doesn’t want it .. yet you can’t have it - what friend would do that ? I would never do that to my friend

sunshine11 · 06/11/2019 17:55

A true friend would want the best for you and the moment you expressed an interest would have offered it to you. IMHO she is not a friend as she has prioritised her pocket over your well-being.

ThatMuppetShow · 06/11/2019 18:00

A true friend would want the best for you and the moment you expressed an interest would have offered it to you.

why doesn't this apply to the OP? Her friend did more than express an interest, why didn't the OP graciously let her have it?

Whatever way you look at it, the OP is clearly not a true friend...

morriseysquif · 06/11/2019 18:15

A true friend would offer you the coat at what is cost her, just because you liked it, and it would have made you smile.

i hope she thinks of this when she is watching her watchers and bids and thinks •AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys• would have loved it but hey, I made £15 so that makes me happier.

TonTonMacoute · 06/11/2019 18:17

Well, I guess there's no real right or wrong here, but I couldn't imagine doing what your friend did OP.

The few quid she will make on eBay is clearly more important to her than your friendship. I certainly wouldn't be going shopping with her again.

morriseysquif · 06/11/2019 18:17

Why don't you text her and say

Hey, could you remind me the make / label of that coat, I'm looking for one just like it, I loved it so much, I hope you don't mind. I 'm going to put a search out on Ebay. Thank you

Tistheseason17 · 06/11/2019 18:21

Charity Shop got paid the money it wanted for the item.

No one stole from Charity.

Your friend has to pay eBay fees and have the faff of onward selling inc P&P.

TBH - it's really no big deal and nothing to lose a friendship over unless other stuff going on.

Kanga83 · 06/11/2019 18:21

Or you could say the OP is not the true friend. It's not the first time she's wanted a coat her friend has taken and sold, then business of which is actually none of OP business . This one was more 'perfect' though. Having someone sulk because you won't give hand your possessions for whatever and however you acquired them, and then having your weight, moral integrity etc pulled apart behind your back on a forum screams of playground bullying 'you're not my friend if you don't do this' scenario , and it's not the friend that's the bully.

Petsr4life · 06/11/2019 18:25

A true friend would not pester another friend for their possessions. Hope she bins you.

Tolleshunt · 06/11/2019 18:29

Morrisseys that’s genius!

nuxe1984 · 06/11/2019 18:34

Sorry … that's not really what friends do. I'd reassessed your relationship with her.

cherish123 · 06/11/2019 18:35

Why would you want a second hand coat?

chrisie16 · 06/11/2019 18:36

You didn't have the coat before, and you don't have the coat now. You haven't lost anything, except a "good" friend.

ThatMuppetShow · 06/11/2019 18:38

Why would you want a second hand coat?

because some people prefer showing off a "label" above anything else, even when they can't afford one Grin

Butchyrestingface · 06/11/2019 18:40

Why don't you text her and say

Hey, could you remind me the make / label of that coat, I'm looking for one just like it, I loved it so much, I hope you don't mind. I 'm going to put a search out on Ebay. Thank you

Try ‘Barbour’.

SevenStones · 06/11/2019 18:43

Why don't you go to a charity shop OP and buy a coat?

Instead of waiting for your friend to ask you along, then get the hump when she sees a coat she can sell on Ebay that you then decide you want.

Tistheseason17 · 06/11/2019 18:44

Try Barbour

Nearly spat my tea out!! GrinGrinGrin

FelicisNox · 06/11/2019 18:47

It IS a stupid crappy way to end a friendship but are you not behaving just as badly?

Playing devils advocate: she clearly buys from charity shops to make a profit on Ebay so in one sense it's a win win for those involved. The only issue here is that you want the coat and actually I think your attitude is quite entitled.

SHE found the coat not you therefore it is hers to do with as she wishes.

You say she's done this before but what I'm seeing is you have also done this before: watched her find something you want and decide you should have it just because you want it and that is not ok.

The fact you have a DC and no job is totally irrelevant. You are not entitled to anything just because of those factors.

There is no right or wrong here. You are both as bad as each other so in future don't go charity shopping together.

FelicisNox · 06/11/2019 18:50

@cherish123 why wouldn't she?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with 2nd hand clothes. You can get some great items and you're recycling, what's wrong with that?

Don't be so quick to turn your nose up.

perplexedagain · 06/11/2019 18:50

NRFT but I would be tempted to ask her if she is planning to donate all the extra money she makes to charity since she got such a good bargain.

I can't believe people do this. I give stuff to charity so the charity makes money not for someone to re-list items and make £££ for themselves. When I have taken really good stuff in I have had a quiet word with the assistants to make sure they price it up appropriately and get as much money as possible

I think your friend is a CF and mean both in taking money away from charity shop and mean to you personally. And not a very good friend to be honest.

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 19:01

Instead of having a word with the staff about how they price their things, you could flog it yourself and give the charity all the money. If you had read the thread, you will see that people who volunteer in these places have let us know how their pricing works.

The shop sold it for what they believed it was worth. The charity made money. This then freed up space for further stock they may have in the back. This gives the charity more money, and on and on it goes.

The rest of it, pity you didn't read the thread.