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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She should have let me have it surely?

518 replies

AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 04/11/2019 22:42

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

OP posts:
Chocolate50 · 06/11/2019 19:14

Isn't that not only mean to you but also - she's making money out of a charity.
Personally I would ask her why she would pass you over like that when she knew you wanted/needed the jacket.

Catsinthecupboard · 06/11/2019 19:15

Nobody truly knows another's financial problems. Maybe she didn't feel like telling you?

You called her a pretty mean name over a coat.

wheretonow123 · 06/11/2019 19:27

I think I would text her and offer what you think it's worth and that you can afford / are prepared to pay. if its a little more than she paid then so be it.

If it was me, if she refused then I wouldn't be going shopping with her like that again.

altiara · 06/11/2019 19:34

I don’t think she should give you the coat!! Do you usually go around asking people for the things they’re buying?
Why not shop without her instead. Also saying she doesn’t need the money so you should have it - just grabby!! Plus you don’t always know your friends finances inside out so if eBay selling is a thing she does, this may be what makes her look like she has a bit of money.
Seriously, sort your attitude out and shop without her.

Evilspiritgin · 06/11/2019 19:35

The next time I go shopping with my friend (who has more money than me) I’m going to do what has been advised further up thread

If she buys a top that I like I will tell her that it should be mine, that she’s got more money than me so I deserve it no matter what

No sorry I won’t I’m not a cheeky fucker

Toomuchtrouble4me · 06/11/2019 19:41

Oh please please bid on it and win - what a laugh. Could you get someone else to bid on it and get it sent to them? Then you can just just rock-up wearing it and not say a thing.

Insanelysilver · 06/11/2019 19:43

That is mean! I’d never do that to a friend. Fair enough if she found it first and needed a coat herself but just to flog it on eBay when she knew you wanted it, is really selfish and definitely against the charity shopping with a friend code!
At least next time you’ll know how she rolls and I’d be on a mission to try to find something I know she’d want to buy, before she does!!
What comes around goes around

Toomuchtrouble4me · 06/11/2019 19:44

As far as should she give it to you - no, not really, if she buys and sells on eBay then why should she take a hit to her business for you?
If it were a good friend of mine then I would give it but I do have enough money and I’m quite soft like that / no reason why she should though.

ThatMuppetShow · 06/11/2019 19:44

h please please bid on it and win - what a laugh. Could you get someone else to bid on it and get it sent to them? Then you can just just rock-up wearing it and not say a thing.

how is that remotely funny? Should anyone selling a product or service to a "friend" start to feel bad? Confused
They won't.

RealMckoi · 06/11/2019 19:45

When you say that the coat wasn’t her size, do you mean it was too small for her? If so, maybe she is just reluctant to see you wear it because it wouldn’t fit her and it might make her feel crap about her figure each time she sees you wear it??
I don’t think people generally set out to be wanky friends. Clearly something else is going on here that hasn’t been picked up on...?

Justploddingon · 06/11/2019 19:48

Fgs! The shop got the asking price, friend is selling something she owns. If you want and need it that badly then bid in it!

Chloe84 · 06/11/2019 19:56

This reminds me of when I was in H&M in Germany and I got the last last velvet dress. A woman came and asked me where I had picked it up from. I told her but also said I think it was the last one. She asked if she could take it and show it to a member of staff to see if they had anymore. I said no because I was just about yo try it in, but that if didn’t fit me then I would give it to her. She then tried to take the dress off me! I had to take it back with firmly. I tried it on and it fit well. I had to come out of the changing room and break the news to her that I was buying it. She was not pleased.

CallMeRachel · 06/11/2019 20:06

Yabu and extremely petty and entitled. Presumably you are not a charity case, this friend owes you nothing.

I pick up things and sell on eBay for profit. I am not doing anything wrong, morally or otherwise. Many people do this and charity shops wouldn't do the trade they do without ebay traders. They probably sell the same stock over again all over the country!

The only people who know I do this is my dh and dm. I wouldn't tell friends and I would be annoyed if they insulted me about my size in a shop then made hints about wanting the item I had already found and had in my hand.

Say it was a Hobbs jacket, she could sell it for £80. If she bought it for £10 then that's a £70 gain. If she handed her find over to you then she's giving you the £70 she would have had. Can't you see that?

Oh and no one can judge another person's financial position. You obviously don't know her as well as you think you do. She sounds savvy to me, not to be taken for a mug.

IamPickleRick · 06/11/2019 20:10

I had a similar experience in the Next sale Chloe84 but without the niceties. Toddler trousers, a woman grabbed them from my hand and tried to pull them off me. I’m fairly formidable when the need arises without having to even say or do much, I just held on and said “I don’t think so” and she let go and ran off.

Some people really will try and have your purchases right out of your hand. OP, accept the loss of the coat. It was never yours in the first place. She has no obligation to you. The end.

Beaverdam · 06/11/2019 20:14

Shes a twat

BloggersBlog · 06/11/2019 20:14

@CallMeRachel what would you say though if you knew your friend was struggling with money and needed a new coat, and this one fitted her and her budget? Would you still keep it or let her have it?

DNR · 06/11/2019 20:17

It wasnt a Barbour with a small v shaped cut in it, was it?

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 06/11/2019 20:17

You must be the "friend"!

Darkstar4855 · 06/11/2019 20:19

Really in hindsight I should have rephrased it as “that would be perfect for me”...

No, you should have rephrased it as “I know you saw it first but is there any chance I could buy it please?”. Say what you mean, don’t drop passive-aggressive hints and then get narky when they are misunderstood or ignored.

mummy1234321 · 06/11/2019 20:29

She’s no friend to you OP.

All ppl on here comparing this situation to some random stranger trying to snatch piece of clothing from their hands on the shopping spree - why do you even think this situation is remotely similar?

It’s her coat, she has right to sell it.
Agreed

Is it kind thing to do as a friend - of course not.

Would you rather give it/sell to a friend or earned £?

OP said she’d pay for the coat, she didn’t rip it out of friend’s hands.

I would bin this friend ASAP.

Twinkled · 06/11/2019 20:29

I would accept that she is a meany and make sure to remember that each time you meet her. Then you are no longer caught unaware by her meaness. Sometimes it's better to let a friend go that has qualities that are in conflict. I would let her go. Good times no more so goodbye and try not to harbour resentment . Let her go with love! And a silent fxxk off if you need too.

superfandango · 06/11/2019 20:41

because some people prefer showing off a "label" above anything else, even when they can't afford one Grin

Am I missing some obvious sarcastic tone here? Are we really going to act like there's something wrong with buying, even gasp preferring to buy, second hand anything? Reduce, reuse, recycle and all that.

Thefemalekeithrichards · 06/11/2019 20:44

She’s not your ‘friend’ she has shown her true Skavy standards.....move on. (sorry this happened, you live and learn especially about ‘friends’ ) she obviously thinks making £20 is more important than a show of kindness to her ‘friend’ ....

VenusTiger · 06/11/2019 20:46

Did you find the oil tablecloth on eBay? @AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys

VenusTiger · 06/11/2019 20:47

@DNR 😂😂