She should have let me have it surely?

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

@AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys I still don’t understand why you think she should have given you the coat.
You both wanted it
She saw it first

Why should she not buy it?

Do you give your friends all the things they like in your house?

The place is of negative trolls who cannot seem to offer an alternative opinion in a polite constructive way.

Not agreeing with you doesn't make anyone a troll...

The place is of negative trolls who cannot seem to offer an alternative opinion in a polite constructive way.

Omg I am a troll 🍾 🎉
Realities of life are often hurtful. Deal with it. Learn from it. Move on.

The place is of negative trolls who cannot seem to offer an alternative opinion in a polite constructive way

Do you know what a troll is?

Amazed that this is still going. FFS you posted on AIBU. YABU and you sound selfish and spoilt. Nobody owes you anything just because you can’t afford to buy a nice coat in a non charity shop. Go and find another one and stop arguing with everyone.

Your friend probably put it on eBay because of your sense of entitlement. People don’t usually enjoy doing nice things for spoilt people

Ignoring the wrangling and petty agendas on the thread...

OP - snipe it. Just set up an account with a sniping site, put the item number in with the max that you'd pay and win it that way.

All's fair in love and coats...

What is the point in swiping it through ebay?
Not like they are both bidding on it.

@DistanceCall Please please please but her kids duvets. I'll pay if needs be

Ignoring the wrangling and petty agendas on the thread...

You could have done that in your head.

I really dislike this mentality "They have more money than me, therefore I deserve things". I can;t afford a designers bag, but Kim Kardashian has a couple, why can't she just give me half her fortune, I could do with a couple of milions...
Sorry, she got the coat, she can do whatever she wants with it, sell for profit or get money and buy something else she fancies, none of your business. Stop looking into other people's pockets. If you feel uncomfortable around people who have more money than you, hang around with those with the same income uniquely, problem solved.

Why has my post telling OP to get a job if she wants nice things been deleted? Fuck sake it's not a protected characteristic being unemployed (and selfish)!

Did you actually ask to buy it if her if she didn’t want it, or expect to give it to you free?

It was probably reported for trolling 🤣

Probably! 🤣

Bloody hell! I would not want to be friends with most of the people on this thread! What happened to being kind?

OP's friend has not been kind and I quite understand why she's questioning the friendship- I would be too!

I have one friend that I sometimes go thrifting or just mall shopping with, and there is an unspoken rule that we do not pick up anything that the other has eyed or picked up first. If asked, we will give opinions on the fit of something at the fitting rooms, and if something is discarded, we do not pick it up for ourselves. I don't know how these rules came about, I just know that they're there.

We have been shopping together like this many times, and I can't think of one instance where we broke these tacit rules.

So on balance, I think YABU, because you broke the first rule of Shop Club.

Why is she being unkind?
The friend is buying and selling things. It's how she makes money. It is entirely her choice as the owner to decide who she trades with.

The op could have been kind, instead, she sees her as a greedy cow.

The op could be kind but instead, she is going to tell tales to the shop owners. How is that kind to those people and their customers?

The friend might be going through financial issues herself and is private about her finances, which considering op is only guessing, the friend doesn't talk about her money. For all op knows, the money from this coat might be paying for next weeks bills. She may just be appearing to not have money problems because she can spot a good bargain, which she clearly can.

I don't want mates who think they are entitled to first dips on my bargains. And I certainly don't want them if they know this is how I earn a living. Just because people are friends doesn't mean they are entitled to their friends' possessions regardless of what it is, or what they are doing with it. That's not a mate.

It's not even a rule that should be needed.
Anyone shopping knows whoever sees it/grabs it first it's theirs. Unless you are Monica from friends 😂
It's how shopping has been conducted since well, forever.
It's just common sense that you have to understand the basic principles of shopping.

I think I might try that. Follow random people into stores and when they find a bargain, demand I have it. Otherwise, it's not fair is it? I am beeing denied of that thing. To not let me have it is mean.

Does she need the money?

@PriscillaTheHun
How has friend been unkind? She bought a coat she saw first.

I keep asking this of posters saying this and no one responds.

Why do people think kind = doormat?

I see you already said she doesn't. I'm on the fence with this one. The time to raise this was in the shop. Once she'd bought it she'd made her mind up what she was doing with it. Perhaps if you'd been plain about your wants and circumstances at the time she would have thought differently. If she wasn't aware it seems harsh to judge her as if she knew and was doing it despite that.

Also, you're saying you're annoyed she didn't give you the chance to buy the coat from her. She's selling it on eBay, you've got the chance, bid for it!

Or just, you know, communicate openly with her instead of dropping hints. Tell her you really like it, have been thinking about it, can't afford another, ask politely if you can buy it for an amount that you believe it is worth. Her response to that will tell you what you want to know about the value of the friendship more than your assumptions about why you're entitled to the coat over her.