She should have let me have it surely?

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

To all the MN haters, oh there are so many ....so little old me gets dragged around the chazzers like some kind of donkey doormat while she funds her sad little fleabay business

Oh dear Mr and Mrs Credibility gone on a little holiday, have they?

So you were, to quote, 'dragged' round the charity shop. Then you wouldn't have gone in on your own. You'd never even have seen or bought the bloody coat anyway and yet you've made spiteful attack after spiteful attack on this poor woman. The friendship definitely needs to end but not for the reasons you're convincing yourself it should.

Gobby, perhaps you should stick to forming opinions about people you know in RL? No not nasty or jealous just pissed off really and also fed up that this is the way so many MN threads go. The place is of negative trolls who cannot seem to offer an alternative opinion in a polite constructive way.

Yeah, and maybe you should get a job if you want nice things.

Wow, when reading page one I did not see this thread coming!

Op. Step back and try to see things from the other POV. Honestly, you are being unreasonable.
Also, it’s MN who is arguing the toss with you now, not your friend, yet you seem to being getting angry with her. Imagine how she’d feel if she read your most recent posts.

I think you need to step away, reflect and let it go.

You had a fair amount of pages of people telling you politely but your attitude was terrible so the tide turned. I imagine that’s why the coat is now on eBay and not on your back.

OP you just sound angrier by the minute, and are posting increasingly nasty comments about your 'friend'.

It's just a coat!

Funny as I would be happy my friend was good at spotting a bargain and gaining from it.
Not jealous it wasn't my find.
If the item and been with 10k profit should she still let you have it .

You called your friends ebay business her sad little fleabay business

I get why you are angry if you only have £10 spare to buy a coat but getting nasty isnt going to help at all.
Your friend got there first .
Thats life 🤷‍♀️

What would happen if you messaged her and said " I really loved that coat you found and I'm desperate for one, if it fits me can I buy it off you?"

I see your point OP and I would've let you have it, but maybe she didn't take the hint or know how much you wanted or needed it?

She actually invited me, if she was planning on being so grabby

HOW? How is she grabby to purchase something she wanted because you saw it after?

seriously?! Would you give over your good deals to her so you lose out?

I’m feeling very put upon that my friends must be terrible as they don’t give me their things that I admire

Yes I was a bit angry earlier 😡

So I’ve had a look at her seller history as someone suggested earlier. She’s not actually selling a huge amount, about 3 pages of things since aug. So definitely not a huge big-shot business seller. As I said, she’s not desperate for the money and she’s told me herself she spends most of it back on eBay.

This makes it even more confusing. This is not about selling it on for profit.

Why does it make it confusing? Just ask her for the damn coat. Offer her what she paid for it and see what she says.
She saw it first!
My mind is blown by how you've taken something that shouldn't be an issue (a bloody coat!?) And taken it here, watched it blow out of all proportion, repeatedly slagged off your "GOOD friend" to the point it is very outing...
It's just a sodding coat.

Or are you hard up? If you only had £10 to spend on a coat it would be totally different.

No it’s really , really basic. Your friend found something first & wanted to keep it. Your wants don it trump hers. End of.

She’s obviously not such a good friend though is she?!

To all the MN haters, oh there are so many ....so little old me gets dragged around the chazzers like some kind of donkey doormat while she funds her sad little fleabay business

Are you pulling our pissers here OP?

Whether she’s a big hot shot Ebayer or not, it doesn’t matter. She got there first. You sound a royal PITA OP.

Then don't be friends with her anymore.

I know she sometimes buys to sell on however she’s been doing more of this recently so maybe it is becoming more of a business to her.

When the auction is over, i’ll go back and point out to them what’s happened so they maybe look at how they price things.

How pathetically childish to go running to the store saying basically it's not fair. What do you hope to gain?

Actually I’m starting to think she’s jealous and doesn’t want me to have it regardless
Take a look in the mirror.

She did not inform me she was looking for stuff to sell and never has, she definitely wasn’t ‘working’.
She is under no obligation to tell you any of this.
Not working 🤣 when you are self-employed you are always working. But if you understood how this type of income works, you would be more than aware. You clearly don't because you fail to realise she can do business with whoever she wants.

Obvs I cannot go with her again if she buys all the nice stuff in my size, there really is no point wasting my time
Stay to online shopping. Shops aren't for you. This can happen anyway and not just with her. If someone sees something that THEY like regardless of the reason first, well better luck to you next time.

The mistake my so called friend made was mixing business with pleasure. She actually invited me,
But according to you, she wasn't out for that purpose.
You were out. You went into one shop. She went into another shop. If you were both there and grabbed the item together, you would have a point. But you weren't even in the shop ffs. And again, she is free to do business with whoever she wants. It's why people go self-employed so they have more freedom over how they operate.

You are coming across as someone extremely jealous. She has the sense to know the value of something and invests her cash to generate an income. Her reasons, her finances, how she runs her business are nothing to do with you.
From what you are saying, you are only aware that she even does ebay because you looked.
Same with your circumstances have nothing to do with her.

Awesome you told her YOU was looking for a coat. When friends say this to me, I don't think oh I must help them find a coat. Why would I?
If they ask for help, I might look around.

That's a bit mean of her
Not much you can do now, except talk to her/ avoid going shopping with her again.
YANBU.

To simplify how shopping works for those who think the friend is mean.

You go to a shop.
You find something you like and pick it up.
You have the option to try on instore or at home if applicable.
You take said item to the till and pay. The item is now yours. What happens with the item is entirely your choice. Give it away, keep it, sell it on, throw it in the ocean, let the dog eat it, give it to the cashier, chuck it in the food bank, etc It doesn't matter.
You walk out of the store.

The motivations behind the purchase are irrelevant.

No amount of tantrums, or running off to tell tales will change this.

charity shops don't price items at market level because they are CHARITY shops. The idea is that yes, some profit goes to charity but on the other side of it, shoppers who can't afford retail prices also get a bargain. Shopping in charity shops is trendy now and good fun, but don't forget that the prices benefit poorer people, not just a new generation of customers who can actually choose to shop there. Setting high prices in charity shops would price out the demographic they're geared towards!

Yes, charity SHOPS - not charity institutions. They are run to raise money for a specific charity, not on a charitable basis for the customers (i.e. come here and buy things for less than they’re worth). The Cancer Research Shop is meant to raise money for Cancer Research - not to offer charity to someone who wants a cheap coat. The lower prices for second-hand items is a benefit for customers, in the same way that helping the charity is an incentive for people to donate their unwanted items.

Your argument that higher prices would price out typical customers is flawed. Yes, if a shop suddenly tried to charge £20 for a used Primark mac when a new one is only £25, it would be alienating its typical customers. But let’s say you have a Biba jacket. The shop prices it at £25. The fashionable shoppers you mention would probably happily pay that. Someone shopping because they need a nice jacket rather than worrying about the label might think ‘Nah - too expensive’ and move on, leaving it for someone who IS prepared to pay £25.

Now if you mark that jacket at £5, shopper #2 might buy it. The charity gets £20 less, but you might argue that it might not have sold at the higher price and that shopper #2 genuinely needs rather than wants it. The only problem is, your fashionable shopper hasn’t gone away. What if she sees it for £5 first? She’s ecstatic, gets something for a fiver that she’d have paid five times more for, the charity is £20 down and shopper #2, none the wiser the Biba jacket was ever there, buys something else that’s less of a bargain and doesn’t benefit from the ‘charitable’ pricing policy.

It's not relevant though that the coat came from a charity shop.
People charge what they think something is worth regardless of the cost.
People pay based on what they think something is worth and what they can afford.

If a person walks into a charity shop and buys something. Then they are automatically denying someone else of that item. If that's the case, then what's the point in charity shops opening up their doors? Or any business come to think of it. A customer will always be denied something because of erm, other customers.

This makes it even more confusing. This is not about selling it on for profit.

Maybe she has multiple accounts across different platforms? Maybe she’s slowly building her business? Maybe your tablecloth is going for 💰 💰 💰 on Depop?

Doesn’t really matter either way. She bought a coat she wanted to EBay. She’s happy. The charity is happy. You’ll find another coat.