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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She should have let me have it surely?

518 replies

AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 04/11/2019 22:42

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

OP posts:
sauvignonblancplz · 05/11/2019 13:57

OP you sound crazy entitled and one-track-minded. So your friend should hand you over something you like, you feel she should give it to you. You continue to tell us you’ve looked for her to give things to you before ... Your friend should remember that she has more money than you, that you’re coat shopping and more in need of the coat and oh she also has a sick MIL that she isn’t taking care of properly according to you.
Doesn’t sound like you’re really good friends at all. Your mate has got a great find in a charity shop and is excited to sell it on (according to you) Why should she put your desire for a coat in front of yours. It’s a coat! Grow up and get your own.

sauvignonblancplz · 05/11/2019 13:58

All the nice stuff? One coat OP.
Wise up.

NoSauce · 05/11/2019 14:04

But you said yourself you know she buys stuff to Ebay. It was pretty obvious the coat wasn’t for her as it wasn’t her size!

Why are you so entitled?

ShadowOnTheSun · 05/11/2019 14:06

Wow. Trying to imagine myself in this situation. Going shopping with my mate. Mate goes in shop, I come in later. I see something nice in her hands, a thing that I like. So I immediately jump on her with 'oooooh, I love it! I NEED this! Give it to me! It's not even your size, whacha gonna do with it? I want it!'. WTF.

She came in first. She saw a thing she wanted to buy (for whatever reason). She didn't steal it from charity, she bought it for the asked price. She hasn't done a thing wrong. How is she being a 'greedy cow' and why should she just 'let you have it surely'? Genuinely confused.

adaline · 05/11/2019 14:09

Obvs I cannot go with her again if she buys all the nice stuff in my size, there really is no point wasting my time.

Eh? She got there first!

cuddlymunchkin · 05/11/2019 14:12

Unfortunately there's no voting button, but it seems clear that YABU. Absolutely, definitely. Who exactly do you think you are?

Chloe84 · 05/11/2019 14:16

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her?

How could you tell the coat was too small for her?
Did you see the size?

I could the tell the difference between a size 8 and size 18 coat, but I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a size 12 and size 18 coat just by looking at it.

Lineintime · 05/11/2019 14:17

This isn’t about the coat at all.

The coat symbolises the womans actions/true thoughts of the friendship.

Buddyelf · 05/11/2019 14:18

Obvs I cannot go with her again if she buys all the nice stuff in my size, there really is no point wasting my time.

Eh?

Tolleshunt · 05/11/2019 14:21

YANBU OP. She clearly likes the cold hard cash more than she likes you, i’m afraid. Unless she’s secretly very hard up, a he’s greedy, mean and selfish. Not friend material.

I can’t imagine any of my friends acting like this to me, and I wouldn’t dream of being so mean to my friends. I think this is a wake up call that you both have very different values - you think it is right for friends to help each other out, she thinks it’s ok to be tight with friends to the point where it’s acceptable not to even give them the steam off her piss.

I would quietly relegate her in my mind to my outer circle of friends/acquaintances and distance myself.

This is one of those MN threads that depress me, as it makes it clear how many people think it’s ok to be all ‘me me me’ - or that people should put up with being shat on.

Chloe84 · 05/11/2019 14:21

It seems an ideal friendship, OP likes it because she thinks her friend is jealous of her being thinner, and the friend likes it because she’s a better chazzer than OP.

Original poster
AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 05/11/2019 14:26

Midnight, she did hold it up and ask me what I thought of it. You might be on to something.

To all the MN haters, oh there are so many ....so little old me gets dragged around the chazzers like some kind of donkey doormat while she funds her sad little fleabay business 🤔 Yes I do probably sound entitled in thinking she should have even given me the chance to try, you can never tell until you try things on anyway. The mistake my so called friend made was mixing business with pleasure. She actually invited me, if she was planning on being so grabby she should have gone on her own, in that case this thread would never have been started.

OP posts:
Original poster
AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 05/11/2019 14:31

This is one of those MN threads that depress me, as it makes it clear how many people think it’s ok to be all ‘me me me’ - or that people should put up with being shat on.

I do feel like I’ve been shat on tbh

OP posts:
FemaleEcho · 05/11/2019 14:31

Reading your recent posts OP, it's not your friend who is coming across like the jealous grabby one.

Alsohuman · 05/11/2019 14:32

Actually it is @FemaleEcho. HTH.

Evilmorty · 05/11/2019 14:42

Failing to see how it is grabby to in a shop and buy an item.

Begging all your mates shopping items is grabby.

Autumn2019 · 05/11/2019 14:44

Sounds like she's in business, that is exactly how business friends treat each other. Best friends look out for each other, regardless of making a profit, and if she has done it to you before, you would be well advised to not go into a charity shop with her. You dont need to end the friendship, just know that she is shallow, and puts profit first. God helps those who help themselves I think it's called.

This^. Agree with PP.

I also don't think buying from charity shops and selling on Ebay or wherever is immoral. Charity shops price their products and sell to whoever is willing to buy in order to fund their projects.

ThatMuppetShow · 05/11/2019 14:47

while she funds her sad little fleabay business

wow, someone is very jealous and bitter!

The only one who is grabby is the one who having a tantrum because her "friend" found an item first, liked it, picked it up first whilst she wasn't even in the shop, but didn't offer to give it to soothe the tantrum.

Me me me indeed.

Dontdisturbmenow · 05/11/2019 14:47

The reality is that you are actually very similar. She wanted that coat because it was a bargain and could sell up for profit.

You wanted it badly because it was a bargain and you wanted to show off with some designer coat.

You could buy any other coat for that price but you really wanted that one not because it just kept you warm but because of its worth.

She got there first and you need to get over the fact you didn't get the deal. After all, who says that if she'd let you have it, you didn't get bored of it after this winter and sold it on. Would you actually have considered giving her half the money if you had? I doubt it.

Chloe84 · 05/11/2019 14:57

To all the MN haters...she funds her sad little fleabay business 🤔 Yes

But aren’t you the hater here OP? She has a business that she clearly enjoys, why are you shitting on it by calling it a sad little fleabay business? You are shopping in these flea shops and flea website that you are sneering at.

You are clearly not her friend let alone her GOOD friend (your capitals).

Butchyrestingface · 05/11/2019 15:09

To all the MN haters, oh there are so many ....so little old me gets dragged around the chazzers like some kind of donkey doormat while she funds her sad little fleabay business

Bloody hell! 🤯

Out pops the cloven hoof.

I’m now imagining how your interactions with your heavier, “jealous” friend go, the poor woman.

Butchyrestingface · 05/11/2019 15:15

Wow. Trying to imagine myself in this situation. Going shopping with my mate. Mate goes in shop, I come in later. I see something nice in her hands, a thing that I like. So I immediately jump on her with 'oooooh, I love it! I NEED this! Give it to me! It's not even your size, whacha gonna do with it? I want it!'. WTF.

I especially enjoyed the part in the first post where OP said it was “kind of” “fair enough” that the friend wanted to keep the item SHE found and bought, despite OP pointing out it wasn’t in her size.

🤯🤯🤯

Aridane · 05/11/2019 16:19

Obvs I cannot go with her again if she buys all the nice stuff in my size, there really is no point wasting my time

Hmm
Aridane · 05/11/2019 16:21

This is one of those MN threads that depress me, as it makes it clear how many people think it’s ok to be all ‘me me me’

I agree - except that I think it’s the OP who’s made it all about me, me, me’

Twogirls19 · 05/11/2019 16:23

Lots of PP saying that OP didn’t have the right to expect it to be handed over, as ‘friend’ found it first. This is true. But, equally, given all the circumstances we know about, this is not what a real friendship looks like. So, no, perhaps friend wasn’t unreasonable. But she isn’t your friend either, OP. SorrySad

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