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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work drama, please help!!

183 replies

Nameqhanger · 04/11/2019 19:41

So I work in a relatively large office, some would say quite cliquey, I've worked there for 3 years. Anyway, the 'queen bee', let's call her A. She's very popular even among the managers. She complains a lot and makes everything into a bigger issue than it is. Quite often she falls out with people in the office over minor things, she sometimes ends up crying and everyone goes to console her.

Anyway, A is part of our 'group' that usually meets up every few months or so outside work. I was in charge of organising it this time, and I arranged to meet at a local bar for drinks and a catch up out of work.

She wasn't at work the day when I told people my suggestion as she was off sick. I said I'd text her to let her know, which I did, but I never got a reply.

Well the drinks were supposed to be today, someone casually mentions it over lunch, she immediately starts creating a massive drama, saying nobody told her, we excluded her, and so on. Another colleague (B) was like well nameqhanger was organising it, she said she was going to text you. A is practically crying at this point, saying I obviously hate her and that's why I didn't text her, I've excluded her, none of us like her or we would have checked she knew.

The reason she didn't get the text was because she changed phone numbers, I found that out later. I actually had to get my phone out to prove to everyone that I did actually text her because everyone was trying to console A as she was crying. I did point out that she could still come with us as it hadn't happened yet. Apparently no, she had something already booked.

B texted me tonight (after we all went out without her because she couldn't make it) to say A had posted a cryptic facebook status about it all. B thinks I need to text A an apology. I actually already apologised to A multiple times at work. I feel bad that I didn't get the message to her, but I feel like I've been made to look like the bad guy here.

AIBU to not send another apology to A?

OP posts:
TeresaMayspants · 05/11/2019 20:56

Is her name Laura?

jade9390 · 05/11/2019 21:14

Nothing to apologise for. You have proved that it was sent to the number people had for her. If it esculates, I would tell your manager that you are now a target for abuse due to her lies.

bluebell34567 · 05/11/2019 21:23

the managers are at fault allowing that behavior. what kind of work place is this?

cherish123 · 05/11/2019 21:53

I'm not sure why you would feel the need to apologise at all or why others would expect you to. You texted her in good faith. She changed her phone number. She is an adult. She needs to organise messages and accept that it is not your fault. Surely she must have had a system for retrieving old messages.

Deb500 · 05/11/2019 22:31

Oh I couldn't be doing with all that tell her too grow up or piss off 😂 lol!!

CallmeBadJanet · 05/11/2019 22:39

You've already apologised. Steer clear. She's a manipulative narcissist. Deeply unhealthy. Of course you feel like you've been made to feel like the bad guy. That's what she wants!

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 05/11/2019 22:39

Don’t give it a second thought

Are you psychic? I guess no

Devora13 · 05/11/2019 22:52

Surely she can't actually be popular with this behaviour? Sounds as though everyone is afraid of her. Sounds a bit of a narcissist. Respond to the FB post if you can, along the lines of 'I have already apologised and I am sorry if you felt upset. However, I did text you about the arrangements and was unaware you had changed your number. Let's now all be grown ups and move on.'

homeishere · 05/11/2019 22:56

Start looking for a new job

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/11/2019 00:13

Oh I cannot stand people like this.

Start looking for a new job

This pretty much sums it up for me, but then thats because I would probably end up getting sacked for buying her a box of tissues every Monday "for every time you turn on the water works this week!"

northwales12 · 06/11/2019 02:30

dont let her bully u

Ritascornershop · 06/11/2019 02:36

I haven’t rtwt, but am embarrassed on her behalf. How do people get to adulthood without noticing that being able to cope with these things is valued? That to behave as she is makes people think you’re a sad bastard? Sure a few people were consoling her but possibly out of embarrassment and frustrated nursing ambitions.

AnalUnicorn · 06/11/2019 05:07

God she sounds like an insufferable twat.

Rache49 · 06/11/2019 05:25

How were you to know she had changed her number? If the others knew what it was shouldn't they have told you so that you could get in touch? It's her problem.

hellsbellsmelons · 06/11/2019 07:54

Women like this give us all a bad name!
Question is..... Did you have a better night without her there??

LittleMissMe99 · 06/11/2019 08:15

You've made A sound like the bad person, when actually she's done nothing wrong either. Of course she was upset being left out. But it was just a genuine mistake. Though, didn't you mention it to her in work? It sounds like you don't actually like her. Anyway, it's not a big deal. If you are genuinely sorry, just apologise.

spanglydangly · 06/11/2019 08:39

@LittleMissMe99 OP said in opening post she's apologised numerous times?

browneyes77 · 06/11/2019 08:57

You've made A sound like the bad person, when actually she's done nothing wrong either. Of course she was upset being left out. But it was just a genuine mistake. Though, didn't you mention it to her in work? It sounds like you don't actually like her. Anyway, it's not a big deal. If you are genuinely sorry, just apologise.

There’s being a bit upset at being left out of something and making a simple comment about it and then there’s amateur dramatics and woe is me theatrics, which is what A has opted to do. And yes you’re right, it is no big deal, so why is A making such a huge drama out of it? Because she’s a drama llama who likes the attention.

The situation was explained to A. The OP texted her about the night out. A neglected to inform anyone she’d changed her number and OP only found this out after the fact. She apologised numerous times, even though it wasn’t really her fault, because she’s not psychic.

Instead of doing what most people would, which is accepting it’s your own fault for not letting people know you have a new number and apologising yourself for not giving out said new number (so people could contact you about nights out you clearly want to attend), A instead decided to make a massive drama out of it to make the OP look bad, probably so that nobody challenged her on her on the fact she hadn’t given out her new number and that it was in fact her own fault she didn’t get the text.

cloudnews · 06/11/2019 09:11

I could if written this post almost word for word apart from it's my mother in law and my crime is having a baby and wanting to enjoy spending time with my new family of 4.

Some people have to make everything about themselves and even an apology won't do, you could ask A how you can fix this but I imagine she'll either say fix what or she's still upset, so you won't get any peace that way.

You've apologised, let people know this and that you did send the message and try not to worry - easier said than done Smile

hellsbellsmelons · 06/11/2019 09:31

@LittleMissMe99 - did you read the posts by OP?
Because quite frankly - she is a horrible person.
How could she mention it at work?
A was off sick and only returned that day!!!

LittleMissMe99 · 06/11/2019 09:38

She's "almost" crying according to OP. That's hardly a drama llama.

LittleMissMe99 · 06/11/2019 09:44

No mention of her only coming back that day. Everyone else seems to like A. And she has done nothing wrong.

WonderWomanBra · 06/11/2019 09:45

The girls in the class I teach do that!She needs to grow up and no,you should not apologise but instead inform the manager of her behaviour.

hellsbellsmelons · 06/11/2019 10:12

Yes, today was her first day back.
OPs second post!
It was her first day back!

spanglydangly · 06/11/2019 10:30

@LittleMissMe99 she often cries and falls out with people in OP, second post states she came back that day,

Are you A?