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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work drama, please help!!

183 replies

Nameqhanger · 04/11/2019 19:41

So I work in a relatively large office, some would say quite cliquey, I've worked there for 3 years. Anyway, the 'queen bee', let's call her A. She's very popular even among the managers. She complains a lot and makes everything into a bigger issue than it is. Quite often she falls out with people in the office over minor things, she sometimes ends up crying and everyone goes to console her.

Anyway, A is part of our 'group' that usually meets up every few months or so outside work. I was in charge of organising it this time, and I arranged to meet at a local bar for drinks and a catch up out of work.

She wasn't at work the day when I told people my suggestion as she was off sick. I said I'd text her to let her know, which I did, but I never got a reply.

Well the drinks were supposed to be today, someone casually mentions it over lunch, she immediately starts creating a massive drama, saying nobody told her, we excluded her, and so on. Another colleague (B) was like well nameqhanger was organising it, she said she was going to text you. A is practically crying at this point, saying I obviously hate her and that's why I didn't text her, I've excluded her, none of us like her or we would have checked she knew.

The reason she didn't get the text was because she changed phone numbers, I found that out later. I actually had to get my phone out to prove to everyone that I did actually text her because everyone was trying to console A as she was crying. I did point out that she could still come with us as it hadn't happened yet. Apparently no, she had something already booked.

B texted me tonight (after we all went out without her because she couldn't make it) to say A had posted a cryptic facebook status about it all. B thinks I need to text A an apology. I actually already apologised to A multiple times at work. I feel bad that I didn't get the message to her, but I feel like I've been made to look like the bad guy here.

AIBU to not send another apology to A?

OP posts:
iknowimallmine · 04/11/2019 21:26

Don't apologise more. You did nothing wrong and she will think she is right in behaving this way if you apologise.

CupanTaeiSiochain · 04/11/2019 21:27

Popular people have a lot of power in a work place environment.

Some times, the well-liked people are popular and the popular people are well-liked! There is overlap obviously but they are not the same.

PanamaPattie · 04/11/2019 21:41

Don't feed the troll. Never explain. Never apologise.

Namechangeoflife · 04/11/2019 21:43

Has she paid for her lunch yet?Smile

ivykaty44 · 04/11/2019 21:43

Send a text back to B

Dear b

I haven’t actually done anything to apologise for, I text as stated, have had to prove I texted today and am not a liar. Next time A changes her number it would be better if she let all her contacts know - otherwise anyone else could be found guilty of not messaging - even if they have messaged the previous number.

An apology would be pleasant

Namechangeoflife · 04/11/2019 21:46

On a more serious note someone would need to prise my phone out of my cold dead hands before I’d send another text apologising.
You have done nothing wrong and there’s no way I’d pander to this childish behaviour

Sewrainbow · 04/11/2019 21:51

Yanbu dont apologise again!

lljkk · 04/11/2019 21:57

I guess you can't win whatever you do.

For me it plays into her drama to not send an "apology". It escalates & she wants the drama. So I might send a public written apology (on facebook comments). Factual, short, unemotional.

Then again, I could imagine doing nothing & waiting for herself (and only herself) to do something direct rather than direct her puppets.

Never organise another social event while she works there.

PepsiLola · 04/11/2019 22:00

She's had an apology. I wouldn't humour this nonsense anymore.

If she brings it up tomorrow state "you were invited, you were busy, I've apologised for you not getting my message"

If she carries on, maybe mention "well you never gave me your new number"

Honeyroar · 04/11/2019 22:04

Turn it round and say you're quite upset that A didn't think you were important enough to give her new number to, and is now trying to blame you because you couldn't text her about the night out. And say any of the others in the group could have checked she knew about the night out or checked you had the correct number but they didn't. Say you've already apologised and are sorry she missed out, but you're not responding to passive aggressive Facebook posts.

Jaxhog · 04/11/2019 22:26

Did you send another text once you found out she'd changed her phone number? I think you owed her an apology if you didn't.

She is overreacting though.

BlackCatSleeping · 04/11/2019 22:29

Did you send another text once you found out she'd changed her phone number? I think you owed her an apology if you didn't.

I read it that the OP only found out about the phone umber change after the drama.

Look, you've apologised, so just leave it at that. It was a genuine mistake, everyone knows that. They're being twats to keep going on about it.

Lifeisabeach09 · 04/11/2019 22:31

She sounds like hard work. Do not apologise.

Tortoiser · 04/11/2019 22:34

Bollocks to apologising again. You shouldn’t have apologised in the first place. You had nothing to apologise for - if she didn’t tell you she’d changed numbers then how were you meant to know, you’re not psychic. You did what was required, ie text her details.

Kidlacky · 04/11/2019 22:50

what drugs does she take? I,m guessing prozac. Sounds like an over sensitised soul to me ...... e.s ??? lol... was she just too loved up and felt hurt on the pills? lol... many a true word spoken in jest. I love a goss. Cheers !

Kidlacky · 04/11/2019 22:51

have you seen the series The Office? You need to.

ymf117 · 04/11/2019 22:55

Oh dear, my children wouldn't act like this. You don't need to do anything OP, but I would screenshot to the whatsapp so she can't create a shit storm

MesmorisedByTheLights · 04/11/2019 23:15

Kidlacky your post is gibberish, but please don't equate anti depressant use with batshit behaviour.

CTRL · 05/11/2019 00:28

You guys need to stop bowing down to this overgrown brat !

bananasandwicheseveryday · 05/11/2019 06:26

I am afraid I wouldn't have apologised even once. Why would I, when this all stems from the fact that she changed her number and didn't bother to let you know? She caused the problem by not keeping you updated with her contact details. If any of your other colleagues were aware of the number change, they should have confirmed that you knew, so imo, they are equally to blame. But whoever else knew, you didn't, so you did nothing wrong.

Fibrofighter · 05/11/2019 06:31

Screen shot the message with time and date sent and send it group email saying 'just to clear this up once and for all' then what can she say?!

spanglydangly · 05/11/2019 07:10

I'm sure I've worked with A, they're a nightmare and always manage to get everyone to listen to them because they're SO upset!

Eventually they did such a complete drama at the Christmas party, running out and having people chasing them round the local area to "calm" them down as they were SO upset about fuck all that people then realised. So when everyone gave up and came back into the pub, so did they and threw a couple of drinks because everyone HATED them.

Beginning of the end for them, they left soon after!

Phew!

spanglydangly · 05/11/2019 07:16

Oh and don't apologise, just treat her and anyone else pandering to her with her with disdain!

So

I think you should apologise again.

Why, when I've already done that and she's ignored it and I didn't need to anyway? She's badly organised not giving me her new number. I actually think it was deliberate and she was setting me up to fail to be able to make a fuss.

Turn it back on her, the bloody drama queen!

Elsie1966 · 05/11/2019 17:28

Yanbu so don't apologise

Amylicious · 05/11/2019 17:31

No need to apologise. This needs to be a healthy working environment not a place to dwell on personal troubles. Acting as normal should do. Being friendly regardless would be smart, yet not further apologetic, that won’t be as smart. Think about something else and keep excelling at your work x