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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work drama, please help!!

183 replies

Nameqhanger · 04/11/2019 19:41

So I work in a relatively large office, some would say quite cliquey, I've worked there for 3 years. Anyway, the 'queen bee', let's call her A. She's very popular even among the managers. She complains a lot and makes everything into a bigger issue than it is. Quite often she falls out with people in the office over minor things, she sometimes ends up crying and everyone goes to console her.

Anyway, A is part of our 'group' that usually meets up every few months or so outside work. I was in charge of organising it this time, and I arranged to meet at a local bar for drinks and a catch up out of work.

She wasn't at work the day when I told people my suggestion as she was off sick. I said I'd text her to let her know, which I did, but I never got a reply.

Well the drinks were supposed to be today, someone casually mentions it over lunch, she immediately starts creating a massive drama, saying nobody told her, we excluded her, and so on. Another colleague (B) was like well nameqhanger was organising it, she said she was going to text you. A is practically crying at this point, saying I obviously hate her and that's why I didn't text her, I've excluded her, none of us like her or we would have checked she knew.

The reason she didn't get the text was because she changed phone numbers, I found that out later. I actually had to get my phone out to prove to everyone that I did actually text her because everyone was trying to console A as she was crying. I did point out that she could still come with us as it hadn't happened yet. Apparently no, she had something already booked.

B texted me tonight (after we all went out without her because she couldn't make it) to say A had posted a cryptic facebook status about it all. B thinks I need to text A an apology. I actually already apologised to A multiple times at work. I feel bad that I didn't get the message to her, but I feel like I've been made to look like the bad guy here.

AIBU to not send another apology to A?

OP posts:
Toomuchtrouble4me · 05/11/2019 18:57

Bloody hell! Are you sure that this is work and not school?

browneyes77 · 05/11/2019 19:00

”so sorry you didn't get my message"... (statement, no acceptance of blame... false apology, my mum is great at these)

"any reason you didn't want me to have your new number?"...

walk away...

This.

She is being a fucking child and the others are just pandering to her drama because they’re scared she’ll turn on them, so they’re kissing her arse instead. It’s really quite pathetic. She clearly likes using emotional blackmail to get her own way and stop people from challenging her on her shit. In fact, put like that, she sounds quite the narcissist.

And you can bet your bottom dollar she’s not as ‘popular’ as you think she is.....

Reba0706 · 05/11/2019 19:01

Don't apologise to A and B sounds like a shit stirrer

Tellmetruth4 · 05/11/2019 19:01

Ignore her she’s a knobhead and your colleagues are no better. Who crowds around consoling a drama llama unless they also love drama?
I’ve got no time for that behaviour. Miss Drama could be in the corner wailing, gnashing teeth and tearing at her clothes and I’d just roll my eyes and put my headphones on. I’m a grown woman not a 9 year olds sidekick.

LellyMcKelly · 05/11/2019 19:09

On a group text ‘So sorry you didn’t get my message A - it’s a useful reminder to send round an update if any of you get a new phone number’.

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 05/11/2019 19:10

Text her an apology.

"I'm sorry you didn't update me with your new phone number, which meant that you didn't get my text regarding the evening out."

Mamasaurus82 · 05/11/2019 19:12

An honest mistake on your part OP. Don't spend any more time letting this concern you- time is too precious. What a drama queen. She missed one night out. Maybe she should have updated you on her new number. You could be upset about her not giving you her number. But you're not. Because you're a grown up. Wine

NemosMum21 · 05/11/2019 19:13

Sounds very much like Borderline Personality Disorder. Have experience of this in the wider family - have learnt the hard way that the monster (within the person) feeds on attention (good or bad) - don't give it any!

ThatsMeInTheSpotlight · 05/11/2019 19:16

She's been off sick. You could be understanding if you wanted to be. However, since most of your OP is about her being a drama lama, it sounds as though you don't like her.
Go on, OP, admit it. If anyone else hadn't responded to the text, are you sure you wouldn't have followed it up/mentioned it to the others? Wink

autumn2203 · 05/11/2019 19:17

I would assume someone like this had issues and would actually go easy on her, and ignore the blow ups. There will be many more.

Ignore the message from B and move swiftly onto a different subject tomorrow with both of them.

If anyone mentions the night out, just say you are looking forward to the next one and give it no extra air time beyond that at all. If she continues to say how upset she is, then suggest she arranges a rerun this weekend or next, and leave it at that. You can't 'win' with people like her, so it is better to keep her at arms length and manage her from a distance.

The type you describe thrive on drama, unplug and rise above the petty drama.

VenusTiger · 05/11/2019 19:21

She needs to grow tf up and don’t go drinking with your manager. Bad recipe.

Greenleafer19 · 05/11/2019 19:30

Ignore it. At least ur colleagues know u did text plus if u want to do it like A, why not make a Biggy over the fact she didn't give u her new number?! she'll have an issue about something else next week so, as u were Halo

DreamTheMoors · 05/11/2019 19:40

@Reba0706

In my family we call it “shit disturber” —

Perfect, Reba. 😂

Jellybeansincognito · 05/11/2019 19:46

A sounds highly unprofessional and should be being managed for behaviour like this.
Absolutely appalling.

Butchyrestingface · 05/11/2019 19:49

Only option is to message B and say that you are heartbroken A didn’t give you her new number, she obviously hates you and doesn’t want to include you and you feel everyone else has betrayed you by not telling you she had changed her number.

I’d go with this. I hope you have a vast stock of crying emojis on your phone. 😢

Raspberrytruffle · 05/11/2019 19:49

Wondering if op is either very busy or not coming back to the thread ? Smile

LakieLady · 05/11/2019 19:55

Bloody hell, what a drama llama. Has she got some sort of personality disorder?

Full-on histrionics over a simple miscommunication is NOT a normal reaction.

Teagoanngoanngoann · 05/11/2019 20:09

Hope u get her for secret santa. You can buy her a Lama with a drama sign round its neck [santa]Grin

Staffy1 · 05/11/2019 20:19

Would it be too mean to do your own FB post about what a good night out you had, how it was better than usual but you can't figure out why?

midsomermurderess · 05/11/2019 20:23

She's not called Sarah, is she?

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 05/11/2019 20:28

You say your office is cliquey.. your managers shouldn’t allow this silliness in an adult workplace. How embarrassing 😳

FazyLuckers · 05/11/2019 20:35

What an absolute attention seeking drama llama, like fuck would I apologise again. She definitely has a personality disorder, everyone who keeps consoling her are just making her even more the 'centre of attention'. Move on op, life's too short to worry about people like that.

Turquoise123 · 05/11/2019 20:35

I wonder why B felt the need to get involved? Seems to be adding to needless drama. I would ignore. Sounds like there will be a new drama soon enough for them all to fuss about. Hope it all calms down for you

Sharonmck · 05/11/2019 20:45

I'm assuming they're all scared of her, because she has the managers in the palm of her hands....And nobody wants to lose their job, so what's the safest thing to do? Go along with her then bitch about her when they are home and in a safe environment. A is devious and manipulative. .. stay safe, use HR if you struggle with managers ...and I'm itching to know what kind of work you do??

LittlePaintBox · 05/11/2019 20:48

A PP said:

If you're sorry she didnt receive the text theres no harm in apologising again surely?

The OP wasn't responsible for the message going astray, she has nothing to apologise for!

Honestly, this whole scenario sounds dysfunctional, another vote here for having a quiet word with your line manager to say you're concerned about all the drama.