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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work drama, please help!!

183 replies

Nameqhanger · 04/11/2019 19:41

So I work in a relatively large office, some would say quite cliquey, I've worked there for 3 years. Anyway, the 'queen bee', let's call her A. She's very popular even among the managers. She complains a lot and makes everything into a bigger issue than it is. Quite often she falls out with people in the office over minor things, she sometimes ends up crying and everyone goes to console her.

Anyway, A is part of our 'group' that usually meets up every few months or so outside work. I was in charge of organising it this time, and I arranged to meet at a local bar for drinks and a catch up out of work.

She wasn't at work the day when I told people my suggestion as she was off sick. I said I'd text her to let her know, which I did, but I never got a reply.

Well the drinks were supposed to be today, someone casually mentions it over lunch, she immediately starts creating a massive drama, saying nobody told her, we excluded her, and so on. Another colleague (B) was like well nameqhanger was organising it, she said she was going to text you. A is practically crying at this point, saying I obviously hate her and that's why I didn't text her, I've excluded her, none of us like her or we would have checked she knew.

The reason she didn't get the text was because she changed phone numbers, I found that out later. I actually had to get my phone out to prove to everyone that I did actually text her because everyone was trying to console A as she was crying. I did point out that she could still come with us as it hadn't happened yet. Apparently no, she had something already booked.

B texted me tonight (after we all went out without her because she couldn't make it) to say A had posted a cryptic facebook status about it all. B thinks I need to text A an apology. I actually already apologised to A multiple times at work. I feel bad that I didn't get the message to her, but I feel like I've been made to look like the bad guy here.

AIBU to not send another apology to A?

OP posts:
FelicisNox · 05/11/2019 18:11

Don't engage... she will eventually hang herself.

Screenshot whatever is on Facebook for future reference. You've apologised multiple times and if this comes up again tomorrow just say: not only have I apologised multiple times but I actually feel quite victimized as I am apparently the only person who didn't know she'd changed her number and apparently things have been posted on Facebook which is totally unprofessional. I'm actually thinking about speaking to HR about this.

Then fix them all with a look and walk away, get a coffee and give them a good 10 minutes to mull over the ramifications.

The problem will resolve itself and if it doesn't I would speak to your line manager.

No one thinks of her as a victim, they just pander to her because they can't bear the noise that comes out of her face.... like pandering to a spoilt toddler.

Howyiz · 05/11/2019 18:12

A normal person who had changed their number and realised that they missed a message would have said. Oh I must have missed that text due to my number change. Why are you not highly insulted that she has made you out to be a liar when she knows she had changed her number and that you didn't have the new one.
I would be outraged that someone would make me the bad guy in that scenario.

Sunflowersok · 05/11/2019 18:12

Crikey it sounds like you are all in primary school!

No OP you are not being unreasonable I wouldn’t message an apology as you’ve done nothing wrong and you do now owe it to her. If she wants to be a full on sulk for no reason let her revel in it

Sunflowersok · 05/11/2019 18:13

Do not * Hmm

mummmy2017 · 05/11/2019 18:13

Sorry posted too soon.
Hi everyone,
I sent a message to everyone, apologies to X as I had a wrong mobile, can everyone please let me know if they didn't get the message or when they change their number, as I would hate to upset any else by accident.

MadamShazam · 05/11/2019 18:15

Seriously, I would be telling her to get a fucking grip of herself.

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 05/11/2019 18:15

It’s always a Michelle 😂😂

Not guilty 🤣 I'd rather be at home in my jarmies. I'm more 'meh' than drama llama

Justasconfusedwithnumber2 · 05/11/2019 18:16

Bloody hell. I'd ignore her tbh. Way too much hard work

Aprilsinparis · 05/11/2019 18:16

And, this is why I prefer my own company........Jeeez, give me a dog or a cat anytime.

Ellie56 · 05/11/2019 18:19

No of course you shouldn't apologise again OP. That will just prolong the drama which has already been beyond ridiculous.

The drama llama needs to grow up and the rest of them need to stop pandering to her.Stupid woman - how old is she?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 05/11/2019 18:19

Fuck off you cunt should do it

OlaEliza · 05/11/2019 18:19

This is why drinks/meals should only be arranged by group email.

I wouldn't apologise, you've nothing to apologise for. She sounds like a right knob.

Kittyhawksue · 05/11/2019 18:23

Sounds like a right drama queen. I bet she’s trying to stop the rest of the crowd attending as we speak, wanting to keep her minions on her side.

DreamTheMoors · 05/11/2019 18:27

Normally I’d say “screw her” but I’m thinking be the bigger person & explain you did text her & your sorry she didn’t get it.
You’re not really apologizing but it seems like you are. Tell her that she was missed at the get together & you hope you’ll see her at the next one.
Be kind. It’s not worth antagonizing a manager. Then LET IT GO. You’ve done all you can - it’s up to A to either accept or reject it. If she rejects it, you know you’ve gone above & beyond. Makes her look petty & small - not you.

DreamTheMoors · 05/11/2019 18:32

By group text/email would be perfect - then EVERYONE would see you apologized & A would have to publicly accept or reject.
Puts A on the defensive instead of you - for all to see.

Superleo837 · 05/11/2019 18:32

Is this primary school?!

Oct18mummy · 05/11/2019 18:35

She’s a pain in the arse and I bet my bottom dollar that she annoys the hell out of all the managers too. Distance yourself from her she will only bring you down

1forAll74 · 05/11/2019 18:38

No apology needed,she sounds like a silly drama queen, I couldn't be doing with a person who cries about silly things. A snow flake to be sure.

stereolovely · 05/11/2019 18:43

I think we must have worked in the same office once. I used to have a similar colleague who made everything about her, and was a total bitch as well so I have no idea why anyone put up with her. She was soooooo poorly that she needed all kinds of adjustments to her workspace and when I tried to get an adjustment based on the chronic migraines caused by the changed she insisted on, I was a terrible person and was out to get her. What no-one ever got to hear is that I'd proposed solutions to help everyone, not just me.
I don't have much advice, my escape was a new job and ignoring her completely.

ISawyouinTescoyesterday · 05/11/2019 18:44

Wow this has happened to me. It makes me so angry that the person in question is a bitch about everything and everyone but people still like her and have been awful with me. I came home and cried tonight

MC68 · 05/11/2019 18:45

That’s a few minutes of my life I won’t get back....

funnylittlefloozie · 05/11/2019 18:45

Everyone panders to her because they dont want the utter ballache of becoming her next "victim". Plus, sometimes people can be funny in these situations and worry that Michelle is much more popular than she really is, and that if they upset her, then noone else would like them because everyone would take Michelles side. Ive had two Michelles in my office, they are bloody hard work.

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 05/11/2019 18:45

I'm sure you would action B's text if it wasn't for the fact that you didn't get it because you changed your number tonight, didn't you Halloween Wink

dangerrabbit · 05/11/2019 18:46

Sounds like you are colleagues with my “friend” from secondary school. And I considered that behaviour immature at the time!

Mlou32 · 05/11/2019 18:49

No doubt there are other people in the office sick of her pathetic behaviour and attention seeking but no one wants to say it. You did text her, you did apologise for any hurt feelings (not that you needed to), let that be the end to it. If she wants to keep acting like a child then that's up to her, don't waste your energy.