To ask what to do about brother’s CF girlfriend?

[bonedigger]

I was happy when I heard my brother was in a relationship, he is late 50s now and has been single for 20 odd years. He doesn't go out much or do anything so I was shocked. His partner is someone he was friends with in school who got back in touch with him. Will call her N.

I have never actually met N, I will add. Though our sister has when the 3 of them went for a drink together and she said N was quiet the whole time and looking down, and whenever DB went off to the toilet N wouldn't say a word and just nodded at my sister's attempts to try and make conversation. Soon after this meetup N adds me on Facebook, neither my brother nor my sister are on there. I didn't think much of it and added her back.

Then the weirdness started, she attempted to add my DD19, and my 23 year old son's girlfriend (will call her DIL as easier). Both rejected her request, neither of them knew her from adam and they both live away from home so don't keep up with DB's love life. After they both rejected her request she sent me a message saying

"Would you mind telling (DD) and (DIL) that I'm (DB's) partner as I would like to add you all x".

Thought it was odd but didn't want to be rude so asked them both to add her which they did. Then the bombardment started, every time me DD, or DIL posted something she was ready to respond. It is very strange, all 3 of us say that whenever we post something, within one minute she has replied every time without fail. Keep in mind she has never met any of us. DD tends to post lots of inside jokes on Facebook which are obviously aimed at her friends, and N always comments asking her to explain. DD updated her profile pic and N shared it onto her page and captioned it "Beautiful step-niece!". DD was very uncomfortable.

She comments on everything I post, asks me to elaborate on throwaway comments constantly. If I tag my friend to an event that I think we'd both be interested in, N hijacks the post and says "This looks very good!". She has started adding all of my friends every time I post on their wall. One day she sent me a message along the lines of "How did your grandma pass away as (DB) says he doesnt know and there's a lot of secrecy there xx". I thought it was hugely fucking cheeky. None of us know what happened to our grandma anyway as she died before we came along and our mum never liked to talk about it. I didn't reply and she kept sending me other little messages.

DIL and DS recently found out that DIL is expecting, they are keeping it low-key and quiet until she is in the 2nd trimester as she had a miscarriage last year. The only people in our family who were told were me, DD, Dsis and DB. They expected N to be told by DB, wasn't a problem originally. Anyway, DIL and DS told everyone not to talk about it or mention it online etc, and I know for a fact DB told N not to talk about it either.

Today DIL posted something completely unrelated on Facebook and N of course comments underneath "You must be excited about baby, when are you due xx". Cue all of DIL's friends and work colleuges etc bombarding her with "OMG are you pregnant?" posts. DIL specifically only wanted close family knowing at this stage and then suddenly everybody knew. DIL then promplty blocked N as did DD out of anger.

Now N has sent me a message asking what she has done to upset DD and DIL. WIBU to tell her to get lost for doing that to DIL? Except I don't want to upset DB and I don't even think she's doing it maliciously, she's just a bit odd and doesn't understand boundaries.

Tell her straight- "you were told not to mention the pregnancy on social media, you can see for yourself that X hasn't posted anything online about it herself and you've massively overstepped the boundaries".

Talk to your DB and get him to tell her.

Tell her straight that she embarrassed your daughter in law and ruined the special moment of announcing her pregnancy for her. Add in. As you are neither family nor a close friend, we expected you to understand that it was not your news to share

As you've never met her just delete her and tell her why. She has no knowledge of appropriate social boundaries.

I wouldn't even reply. Just block her.

Put her on restricted so whenever you post she can't see it
Add the odd decoy post for her benefit if you don't want her to be suspicious
Message exactly what the pp suggested or something like . 'You were aware that the pregnancy was not to be shared on social media, DS and DIL have decided they prefer not to have you on now as they mostly use Facebook for their friends now anyway'

Block her simple.

Wow what s twat n is , I'd reply that she was told to keep her big trap shut and now she owes dil a big apology.

Irritating in the extreme and a tad creepy .

What @Queenofallsee said

She sounds rather more like someone who is lonely and socially awkward than someone malicious. I think some older people find social media tricky to navigate, as well (and I'm old - mid-50s - but I'm used to using it.)

Mind you, your DC have every right to block her; they have never met her and she's shoving her oar in to their private lives and upsetting them.

Oh! Yuk!Tell her she has intruded and overstepped a mark givng out news that was not hers to give. She has ruined a very special, personal moment for your DS and DIL and should accept thattheir decision to block her from their fb. Then block her yourself, or do whatever the thing is when you want to block but not make it obvious! Let your good friends know to do the same!

Tell your DB that your DIL is very upset and you will be supporting her, he needs to explain to his GF that she can't just co-opt all of his family and their friends into her life, that isn't how it works!

My DF coopted all my friends a couple of years ago. Unfortunately he also coopted by business links and kept posting weird crap that reflected badly on me. He still 'has no idea' why he is not yet re-Friended and keeps badgering DSis to persuade me to let him in. Not a chance!

I'd block her too.

Restrict what she can see, I've taken all my colleague off seeing my posts, but am still friends with them.

is definitely tell her why then block her myself. As you never see her it won’t make any difference to you.

Blimey. Yanbu. Block and ignore. Also give her a tongue lashing about the baby drama.

I would reply explaining that DIL is upset as you have announced her news. Even if she wasn't told not to say anything, Everyone knows you never announce someones pregnancy on social media. She has no excuse x

Time for a 'everyone but n' friends setting on FB.

And a chat with your brother, obviously.

Agree just block and don't respond.

I would go mad, that's so disrespectful. I think I would delete her too.

I'm with @CodenameVillanelle explain her error with DIL and DS then Restrict what she can see of your posts

It does sound like she's a bit ott but I'm wondering if she has some poor social skills . I have a relative like this doesn't communicate well face to face but does on social media also adds other friends and family of mine .
You mentioned you sister met her but she hardly spoke sounds like she's not good in social situations .
How long have they been together and why have you not met yet ? .
It's not really something that someone else would do mention the the upcoming news especially if she's never even met her , so I'd think about that she has poor social skills maybe even on the spectrum? What does your dB say ?

Either block or massively restrict what she can see. If you restrict then that has the bonus that she won't easily realise she can't see stuff and will just assume you haven't posted anything recently

I'd tell her straight then block her. She may be lonely and not au fait with social media but her lack of knowledge isn't your problem.

That's not CFery thats blatant rudeness!

Tell her she needs to apologise to DIL and DS, not demand any of then refriend her and not go chasing your friends on FB. I'd also block her from seeing anything you put up.