Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

Apparently, parents who question some one who is childfree by choice life are the ones who question their own choice to have children.

The unspoken, 'you mean I could have said no ? I could have chosen not to have them and used family planning to mean, 'planning not to have any.'

People who do not want children. End of story. Don't get pregnancy accidentally. Funny that.

@OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg thanks. I'm not really.

It has crossed my mind with a few people, only because I think they would be brilliant parents but I wouldn't ask why. It's not my business to know.

I did find out a reason for some as they told me themselves, reasons varied from medical complications, personal issues or just simply not wanting any themselves.

Because having children is rubbish.

I mean, they're fun and all, and I love them, but life is more boring, irritating and filled with worry as a parent.

Lots of people saying they wonder why people do have children. It’s a funny line but I don’t think it’s actually true. Nobody questions it when a married couple who have been together for a few years has a baby.

I assure you it’s utterly true. It’s not surprising that people who have been in a long term relationship have babies, but I frequently wonder why. For instance, one of my friends had horrendous PND following her first and her husband was utterly u helpful and unsympathetic and has not stepped up to the plate as either a partner or a parent. She has not yet put the PND behind her and yet she has just told us all her “happy” news about being pregnant with her second. I am completely confused why you would do that and genuinely concerned about how this will all play out.

I think the biggest irony is that you can only truly understand how relentless, intense and exhausting having children is AFTER you've had your own, and obviously by that time it's too late to change your mind.

I have one DD (10months) who I love to pieces and I treasured the experience of pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. However I really have no desire to repeat it again, and when I see pregnant women on the streets I have an overwhelming sense of relief that I'm not in their shoes!

I feed like having one child turned me into a "secondary childfree" person. I want to experience being a mum but I'm also really looking forward to having my old life back once she grows up.

The pressure of expecting couples to have a second child is crazy, and in this case I'm adamant that we're one and done. Some relatives have downright accused us of being cruel not to give her a sibling but I'm totally zen about that. I'm planning to wait it out another 2-3 years...by then I'll be in my late 30s and hopefully people will stop asking out of awkwardness.

I wouldn't even ask whether people have children let alone why.

A colleague was asking about my dc once and I casually asked 'do you have any yourself?'. Her response though clearly one she was used to trotting out of 'No, I wasn't blessed with children' nearly broke my heart.

Now I don't ask. It's too emotive for too many people.

Paddy I get that, that is a heart breaking answer, I take it easy on that question too. Usually someone at work, say, will talk about children if they have them.

Well, what do you know, a certain vitriolic poster on here is a PBP

Ooh, which one fluffy?

There is a nutter on another thread that is accusing people of discriminating against mothers of newborn babies if they dare admit that they don't want the company of a child at an event.

That thread is MADNESS.

I don't have any maternal urges. They got lost and attached onto dogs instead.

So without the rosey glasses of maternal urges, frankly looking after children looks bloody hard work. I know everyone says it's different when they're you're own but definitely not a risk worth taking as you can hardly change your mind after!

@PurpleDaisies, the most obvious one. Why do you think she hasn't been back?

Aww. I thought she went to work on her tight and sexy body 😂

@Leighhalfpennysthigh

Thanks for sharing your story and I’m glad you have peace of mind. 💐

@Mackerz well I did until I stupidly stumbled upon "that thread" lol

I'd assume that it was either couldn't, timing didn't work for them (no partner at right time) or just didn't want them because life was fun without...

Would never ask!

The one about taking a 6 week old baby to an adult’s birthday party? Yes, it’s brought out a lot of the deranged posters.

I’ve never been envious of people with children. I always thought I would want them one day - but I never did. I’m grateful people do want children though - and not everyone thinks like me

@OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg I'm going to get "Jupiter Rising in the East" pin badges made!

As a double bonus, the badge pins can ask be used to stab in the eye those who make patronising comments 😉

"Lots of people saying they wonder why people do have children. It’s a funny line but I don’t think it’s actually true. Nobody questions it when a married couple who have been together for a few years has a baby."

I live in a deprived area and the men don't pitch in with family life, a lot are in and out of prison etc. The women are on Min wage etc. I do absolutely wonder why they continue to have children, especially to new equally shit boyfriends.

I know plenty of people in better circumstances, but whose Partners are selfish/uncaring/grumpy and who don't communicate well and wonder why they've thrown a baby into the mix.

I'm not claiming that my life was perfect when i had my three, but it wasn't the mess that some people's are.

My DD and her Partner of 17 years are childfree, they are the only one out of their friends. They used to get constantly asked, but people have given up. They simply don't want the life changes a child would bring. They mind other people's children and are happy with that.

@ponoka
I live in a deprived area and the men don't pitch in with family life, a lot are in and out of prison etc. The women are on Min wage etc. I do absolutely wonder why they continue to have children, especially to new equally shit boyfriends.

I e wondered this. Is it hormonal, lack of other opportunities, is it just the done thing to do?

I am 50. I have one DC after a long period of infertility. A lot of my friends don't have any- male and female. It's not something I ever think to ask someone and am constantly surprised by people who do ask me. Its even weirder if they start on the whole- did you not want more? Or back in the day- don't you want any? I just mentally put their name down on my list of arseholes.

Tread carefully; you never know what’s going on in people’s lives (medically and socially). I have a dear friend who is constantly asked when she’ll “have babies”. She is in a marriage that looks ok to casual observers but is full of emotional abuse and heartache. She can just about pay half the mortgage and hold down a career. My heart breaks for her when people pry.