Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

"But what's the point of your life if you don't have kids?" OK Grandma, I'll just jump in front of a bus then shall I.....

Sorry but hahaha. You should say that next time.

Only in the way that I wonder about their life journey, but I wonder that about practically everyone I see, not just those without children.

I wouldn't dream of asking, though, any more than I'd dream of asking someone about their disability in a prurient way.

@twinkledag

of solidarity. IVF is bloody hard, and bloody expensive. We've spent c.£30k so far and still no sibling for DS.

This is a silly question. There are two answers to this, either they physically can't have children (no partner, left it to late, infertile etc) or they don't want children.

@zaphodsotherhead

I think infertility should be covered under equal opps legislation, to save us from discrimination from the likes of @Sugarandspiceandallthat

"Well I've always been child free by choice, but after reading this thread I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to have babies (okay breed) with sugarandspice "

I bet it's the tight and sexy body doing it for you isn't it

Must say I wonder why people breed indiscriminately, tie themselves to people who are utterly horrid and generally can't seem to afford to raise the kids they produce without government handouts.

But I'm too polite to ask them for their reasons.

@k1233

Exactly this.

Why do I need a reason to not have kids?

Given that having children is (or should be) an active choice, surely it's more that people should have reasons FOR having them.

It’s either choice or circumstance. Neither of which are anybody else’s business really. It’s fine to wonder but in a lot of cases would be tactless to ask.

One thing I have realised from having DD though is that your own kid is nothing like generic 'children'. I still have no interest in other people's children and find food-covered faces gross. But her little face covered with scrambled egg gives me all the feels, which I never would have imagined in a million years as I was staunchly childfree until only a year or so before conceiving her! It's a weird thing. So I don't know how important the 'I don't like children' thing is. Certainly I would still rather spend times with random dogs than random kids, but DD has brought me a joy that I would never have expected.

But I agree that I don't find generic children enjoyable or want to spend time with them. And other people's babies are crap compared to DD

Yes I do but I'd never ask them. I know a lovely older lady who doesn't have children and I do wonder if she couldn't have them which is such a shame as she would be a wonderful grandmother.

I just don't think I'd make an acceptable parent let alone a good one. I don't have a relationship with my own mum and family, which has probably contributed to the maternal urge not kicking in for me. My dad used to tell me if he had his time again he probably wouldn't have had children. Also, wouldn't want to pass my poor mental health onto another generation, either though genetics or being a distant parent. My siblings are older than me and childfree approaching their 40s, so most likely our family line will die out with us.

i know a lovely couple who havent and i assume they had problems conceiving.

Ooooorrrr they just don't want any.

I don't have kids, I never really had the desire. Like others , i was told i would change my mind but never did! Once i was told I was "SELFISH" for not having kids by a male work Colleague! I WAS NOT IMPRESSED!... The world is a better place without judgment, there is no right or wrong answer whether to have kids, or not. One could argue .... lucky there are people that don't have the desire to have kids... the world is struggling with rapid population growth... shortages of food and water in many countries across the globe!

Never wanted them either. I knew from a very young age... maybe about 8 years old. I'm 44 now so not chance 'I'll change my mind'. I hate it when people say that.... Bellends!!!

Me and my husband are very comfortably financially (paid off mortgage) and have plenty of time for travel and gym and fun stuff. It really is no ones business. Just as people want to have children.... Its none of my business.......

I have seen lots of marriages break down after children and some of my friends struggle now whilst their ex husbands are kind of living a single life again. But other people I know still have great marriages and love bringing up with their families.....

@HavelockVetinari thank you 💐

What's your next plan, are you thinking of trying again?

We tried naturally last night as my doc said you're more fertile within 3 months of an ivf failure - or pointless shagging as I call it.

Only in the same way I might wonder why anyone's made any of the life choices they have made... A lot of my friends (we're all in the 35-45 age bracket now) don't have kids so it's the norm. I don't either, never wanted kids and have been single for a long time too during the years I may have chosen to have them. It's not completely black and white though, even though I don't want kids I still sometimes wonder about the what ifs; how different my life would be if I'd made different choices.

Solidarity with @OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg

Maybe there should be some sort of Mason-style handshake? Or a coded greeting:

“Nice to meet you”
“You too. I notice Jupiter is rising in the East.”
“Ah-ha! Have you got the Childfree Bullshit Bingo cards with you? I’m aiming for a Full House.”

No. I do wonder, however, why grown adults like the OP can't understand that not all women have the same wants, or the same life experiences. Some people just don't want kids and never change their minds. Some might have been open to the idea but circumstances were never right (didn't meet the right partner, weren't financially secure, never felt ready, etc). Some desperately want children and can't have them.

It's nice for people who want children and meet their partner (who wants the same thing) at the right age, are able to conceive, are able to provide a stable home, etc. Doesn't work out that way for everyone.

There's a myriad of reasons why people don't have children, and frankly anyone who can't understand that is lacking in imagination (and common sense).

I wonder far more often about why people have chosen to have children, in particular with men who are crap partners and then are not surprisingly crap parents.