To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

@JenetteFranky yes i probably do sound self involved, I'm upset because I can't celebrate my friends birthday

@Potnoodledoo I haven't called anyone a bitch throughout. I am totally on my friends side about child free events and have said so.

@BillieEilish I'm not going on and on. I'm replying to people's comments as there's nothing worse with no ending to a thread (don't take my drink at work ring any bells anyone lol) I am supportive of child free time however it wasn't worded this way and for various reasons yes I've decided that I'm unable to leave whilst babies so young. It's okay to be upset that I am missing your friends celebration.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland and a few others. Yes exactly I guess I just know baby is relatively easy atm and mainly just sleeps or feeds. I wouldn't dream of taking as they get older.

@Curtainly yes these are my thoughts. I usually do see them without DD , but she is older so easier to leave at this point.

@KetoMeato I invited 2 of my friends over because I was craving some company, my husband was away and quite frankly I remember my mum having people over as a child so thought I could try doing the same! Disclaimer the two people who came over both like children and have said they want to be more involved in her life.

Never too early for a boozy lunch. Have one with my girlfriends once a month

What I don’t understand is why people can’t just own their decisions? Don’t want babies at your birthday? That’s fine. But don’t hide behind “oh the venue isn’t suitable” with the guise of trying to be tactful. If you don’t want kids at your birthday lunch then just say so. So what if you offend someone- either they go “okidoke I’ll sort childcare” or they get offended and don’t come. Either way you’re still not going to have children there.

I don’t think you were U to clarify things with her. I do think she could have replied with “oh well actually it’s just an adults thing” instead of this venue bullshit. She’s not unreasonable but her inability to own her decisions is.

YABU it's an adult event / her birthday. Going with your baby makes things, well, about the baby. I think it would be selfish of you tbh. Either relate baby at home or don't go.

I'm upset because I can't celebrate my friends birthday

She is celebrating how she wants. Surely that's more important?

She asked you to be there. You cant make it. That's life with kids.

I don’t think your friend is a ‘dick’
Quite possibly she didn’t want to hurt your feelings and therefore blamed the venue instead.
Her birthday, her choice.

@DisneyMadeMeDoIt most sensible answer on this thread by far

Are you normally so thick skinned and self absorbed op?
And this is where MN loses its way. Forget the sisterhood, let's just attack when we think someone is wrong.

Has anyone actually checked that a baby IS allowed? Not a separate/lesser area away from the main bit of the restaurant etc...

No, nobody has.

You are not upset about missing your friends birthday OP, you could easily celebrate with her at a suitable time/place.

Coconutbug Never said you did but other people have been unkind about your friends.

Friends are supposed to be interested in each other’s lives even if they’re at different stages and you know, be nice to each other

This

I don't think these people are your friends. Otherwise they would make an effort to show some interest in the most important thing to ever happen to you. I think that if you make the effort to listen to them talk about their jobs/DPs etc, they ought to be a bit tolerant of your newborn and small child.
Correcting your child's behaviour (esp when she is doing perfectly normal small child things) in your house, was incredibly rude.

@ExecutiveFiat I don't understand your comment I have said I understand her wanting a child free meal. People haven't had to tell me millions of times - it's mumsnet people tend to comment the same thing even though they haven't read the whole thread. I also haven't tried to persuade her to let me bring him. As soon as she said it wouldnt be suitable I said that's absolutely fine don't worry about it.
Yes maybe a little self absorbed that I came on her to moan about it. Quite honestly I'm just upset I can't go and celebrate her birthday!!

The sisterhood. Jesus wept

don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Does she know you are BFing? Could that be her real issue, wouldn’t want to do that in an upmarket place, now, would you...?

(Hint! That was sarcasm, of course you would!)

The sisterhood 😂🙈

The sisterhood

WHAT IS YOUR AIBU OP*? If you just 'came on for a moan?' and recognise you are self absorbed and have just had a baby and life will not be the same for a bit?

Why not go for coffee after the party has eaten and just have a sociable time- perhaps for an hour max - obvs everyone will coo a bit over your babe but box will be ticked, everyone will feel loved and all will be good :)

I get why you’re upset @Coconutbug and I think rightly so. Yes your friend doesn’t want a baby at her birthday and that’s fair enough. But that means you can’t go and I'm betting she’s not overly bothered about that. It’s hard when you think more of the friendship than your friends do, which seems to be the case.

I’d back away from the friendship Op. I’d message saying ‘fair enough, unfortunately I won’t be able to make it as I can’t leave babu just yet’ wish her a happy birthday and leave it for them to contact you.

I'm not being harsh but it's the sacrifice of kids I'm afraid OP whilst they're young you'll have to sit things out. If you're not ready to leave baby yet that's your choice but you can't get sour at your friend for this.

I understand you don't want to leave but equally it is possible that you could go, if you're choosing to not then you shouldn't be bitter at her.

I don't understand why you would even have said you're bringing the baby I actually think it's quite rude if you to do this without her inviting the baby. I don't understand why parents think an invitation automatically includes their child. It doesn't unless stated, or at the lease you could have been tactful and said are kids allowed or is it an adult birthday.

To just expect it is well, wrong.

@NoParticularPattern thanks I agree! I guess I'm a little annoyed because usually I would arrange childcare but he's so little that I don't feel I can. Although I know many women do.

@Potnoodledoo I'm so sorry I read that completely wrong. Thank you!

@Claricethecat45 the friend isnr in uti g the baby.

The friends aren't the type to coo ovee the baby.

Why would she go at the end when they have all been drinking, when the baby isnt invited to an adults only lunch?

I don't understand why you would even have said you're bringing the baby I actually think it's quite rude if you to do this without her inviting the baby. I don't understand why parents think an invitation automatically includes their child. It doesn't unless stated, or at the lease you could have been tactful and said are kids allowed or is it an adult birthday.

Lol. I can’t even think of anything to say about this comment that wouldn’t get me banned!

the friend isnr in uti g the baby.

Ffs this should have been

The friends isnt inviting the baby.