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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

739 replies

Coconutbug · 03/11/2019 17:30

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 03/11/2019 19:50

She can get pissed, The baby doesn’t care and doesn’t need friend to look after it.

Original poster
Coconutbug · 03/11/2019 19:52

Gosh some people's replies on here!!

@ExecutiveFiat can I not say one sentence without being classed as a bore? As I know I didn't say more than this when I've explained before that I can't leave him because frankly I know they aren't interested. I try to make any child related things I say if I have to say them as short as possible.

OP posts:
RolytheRhino · 03/11/2019 19:54

Maybe your friend wants a good old piss up and a pub crawl.And she cant do that if you bring the baby,

Isn't it a lunch? Bit early for a pub crawl, surely?

Original poster
Coconutbug · 03/11/2019 19:56

Yes it is meant to my group of closest friends - I guess we've drifted part alot since I had my first.

I also don't understand how the talking about my child makes me a bore. I've mentioned before that I try to keep things short and snippy if I do have to talk about them (because quite frankly that's how they make me feel as they are so disinterested) but they are a big part of my life. I listen to them talk about so many other things so why shouldn't they take an interest in mine. 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/11/2019 19:57

Typical of people who haven't yet had kids. The annoying part for you OP, being the clear expectation that you can come without your tiny baby Hmm. 6 week olds just sleep in a pram & really aren't an inconvenience, they just dont want attention drawn to your lovely baby.

Don't go. They aren't great friends if they don't want your tiny baby there, we've just had lunch with childfree friends who always insist we bring the baby and the (much more inconvenient) toddler.

StreetwiseHercules · 03/11/2019 19:57

“to be the centre of attention on her birthday”

I still find this mindset so hard to get my head around. That adults have this need is just something I will never understand.

BillieEilish · 03/11/2019 19:57

I know they're not interested

So WHY are you going on and on about this?

They do not want a baby there, not for a millisecond. It is an adult lunch, you made your choices which apparently mean you are unable to go.

Why can't you understand this?

TheMistressQuickly · 03/11/2019 19:59

It’s not easy to leave a six week old! They sound like Dicks

Ketomeato · 03/11/2019 19:59

Noidontwatchloveisland “ They aren't great friends if they don't want your tiny baby there, “

^^tripe. Utterly. Babies are boring. Other people’s even more so.

jellycatspyjamas · 03/11/2019 20:00

Friends are supposed to be interested in each other’s lives even if they’re at different stages and you know, be nice to each other.

Bring interested doesn’t extend to my friends wanting my children at an adult celebration - there are things we organise that are entirely suitable for children but a birthday lunch in a nice restaurant isn’t one of them.

Curtainly · 03/11/2019 20:01

It seems there's more to it than just this meal, the way they spoke about your DD and the fact that they take zero interest (I have friends who I know aren't interested in babies, but they've made a token effort to come over, and I've made sure we plenty of time without DS around). Not that they should have to, but as you have said you take an interest in their lives it seems strange they don't take any interest in a huge part of yours.

CatflapFlapjack · 03/11/2019 20:01

YANBU. It’s unfair of her to expect you to be ready to leave your baby (particularly an EBF baby) after only 6 weeks.
I wouldn’t go just to make a point.

aweedropofsancerre · 03/11/2019 20:02

Your friend was being an ass....I took my 4 week old baby out to a very posh restaurant with friends in London. The reason being is i have three other DC, i know that he would settle quickly on the breast and wasnt at the stage of being a screamer. He fell asleep everytime he was breastfed and I enjoyed a few hours with my friend. It wasnt a meet the baby event....it was a hang out with my mates event

Ketomeato · 03/11/2019 20:04

Why on earth did you have your DD around when they came over last time? Did you imagine it’s not entirely maddening when kids butt in to adult conversation? Wow!

MsChatterbox · 03/11/2019 20:06

She wanted you to reply with "yes oh will watch baby so I'm free to come". I don't think she was expecting you to bring baby. She is childless so wouldn't be considering ebf or even the practicality of leaving baby at this age. Her reply was another hint for you to come without baby. Just let her know you are not comfortable leaving your baby just yet but would be more than happy to meet at her house for a second birthday celebration.

StreetwiseHercules · 03/11/2019 20:07

This thread is probably the oddest I’ve ever seen on this site and that’s saying something.

The hostility and bitterness towards mothers and babies is fascinating to see, and also horrid.

IHaveBrilloHair · 03/11/2019 20:08

One of my best friends has a 24yr old daughter, still not invited to my birthday!
It's not about the age, it's about offspring and friends wanting to meet up without them.
You clearly aren't getting this OP so don't bother with them and hang out with your Mummeeeee friends at soft play instead.

justonecottonpickingminute · 03/11/2019 20:08

I don't have children and I don't particularly enjoy the company of children, especially babies and toddlers. However, I love my friends who do have children and I make an effort to meet/ get to know their offspring as it matters to them that I do. But I confess I would find it incredibly rude if a friend tried to shoe-horn their baby into my adult-only birthday plans! OP, in the gentlest way, YABVU and a bit self-obsessed. This meal out is not about your child, but about your friend's birthday!

Abouttimemum · 03/11/2019 20:09

I love these threads ‘baby is easy / portable / doddle / will sleep / lie in pram and do nothing’.
Mine screamed relentlessly at this age and I wouldn’t have taken him to a restaurant without a friendly pair of hands to help (not a group of adults without babies who were trying to celebrate a birthday)
Anyway I digress!

Don’t go if you don’t want to. I’m surprised none of these friends have been to see your new baby yet. What a shame as it’s such an exciting time of your life and it would be nice if they were more interested.

I would probably have gone and left baby with his dad for a couple of hours but he was bottle fed which is obvs easier.

Congratulations by the way!

BillieEilish · 03/11/2019 20:09

Hmm Think you have that the wrong way round.

BillieEilish · 03/11/2019 20:11

that was to the comment that this thread is so amazingly hostile amd rude to mothers and babies Grin

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 03/11/2019 20:11

If I’m honest OP I think the ‘it’s her birthday meal’ and ‘none of these friends have children’ mean that it probably was a little unreasonable of you to assume your baby was invited.

Mums understand that EBF babies should have an open invite to join mum at a meal/event (wherever appropriate) - mums are generally also much more understanding of not being centre of attention, even on their birthdays.

Childless groups of

Potnoodledoo · 03/11/2019 20:12

The hostility and bitterness towards mothers and babies is fascinating to see, and also horrid.

Theres no hostility about babies.But the ops friends on the other hand are getting called allsorts.
Isn't it a lunch? Bit early for a pub crawl, surely?

Never too early for a pub crawl.

ExecutiveFiat · 03/11/2019 20:13

Are you normally so thick skinned and self absorbed op? How many times do people have to tell you?? Your friend does not want you to bring baby to her meal. I’m starting to feel sorry for this friend. She must have the patience of a saint.

underneaththeash · 03/11/2019 20:14

It is an odd thread. I’d quite happily leave my you d children for a bit, but with a 6 week old who is probably being fed on demand it’s not that easy. I went out locally, when all mine were that age, but I wouldn’t have travelled any distance and I would have been able to get back home easily.

Having said that, a restaurant with a kids menu is likely to be baby friendly, but it depends on your cousin. Just make it clear that you can’t leave him long enough at a specific time, so it’s either both of you or neither.