To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

I'm not slinging insults. I'm pointing out factual inaccuracies in your posts. Totally different and I will continue to comment on whatever I like. Feel free to ignore me.

I took my baby to a 40th birthday meal and a friends leaving meal, at approx that age. There ìs no way on earth I would have gone without her at that age. She was BF too, so needed me. It was totally fine, babies are easy at that age (generally speaking). I'd just speak to her tell your comfortable with it, but if she isn't, and you don't want to leave baby, don't go.

@Smotheroffive op wasnt excluded
She was invited.

The pp you are aayk f chose not to leave her baby, couldn't leave her baby, in the same way Op couldnt leave her baby.

So by your own post, op wasnt excludes or discriminated against and is choosing not to go.

It's your friend's birthday and it will change the dynamic having a baby there, but so what? How old is she? Ten and a half?! I'm sure she could still have a lovely birthday celebration. Your baby is very young and you are exclusively breast feeding. Maybe just tell your friend, 'I can't leave my baby at the moment because they are very young and I am BF so obviously she needs to be with me, so I think I better leave it, but I'll drop your card and gift round..'
Your friend is being unreasonable as she must realise your situation. I don't think she's being particularly supportive of you as a new mum either. She sounds like a bit of a princess to be honest. For the sake of one birthday celebration where her friend has a new baby, she is saying, no. Not a particularly great friend.

‘If you were invited and didn't manage the situation well, i.e. left your baby to scream over proceedings, then I would expect someone to step in and poi t that out, because then its all about the baby.’

Get off your high horse. Some babies just scream. Colic makes my baby inconsolable at times, nothing to do with my management. Because of this I don’t inflict her on others who wish to enjoy an adult scenario. I’m not being deliberately excluded or discriminated against because I have a baby I can’t bring out to lunch. She’ll grow out of it and I can catch up on birthdays missed when she’s older.

Made it through 10 pages of the thread. Think that signals sufficient commitment.

I’m bemused by the number of people denouncing anyone who partakes in baby talk. Here’a a brief list of objectively ‘tedious’ things that my friends talk about:

• On/off relationship with the same bore of a guy
• Complaints about partner/mil/friends/SIL/ etc etc
• Refusal to change any interactions with the above
• Latest holidays and showing endless photos
• House/ car / random material purchases

Essentially, people’s preoccupations aren’t particularly interesting, especially if they can’t discuss them in any kind of analytical way, or move from the specific to the general. Good friends should understand that and treat your having a baby as a significant life event, not either a) expect you to brush it under the carpet or b) want nothing to do with you if you don’t

Personally I don’t have a lot of time for adults who are precious about their own birthdays, and this lot seem particularly uncharitable towards you anyway. It’s sad but time to develop more two-way friendships.

A good friend would want to meet the baby? I wouldn't have left my babies so young, one is still only 14 weeks and wouldn't leave her.

It would be awkward to go now that she's made that comment anyway. If it was me I'd save my money to go out with more accepting friends who wanted to see my baby.

Your friend is being a complete and utter dick. I would never ever dream of asking or expecting my friend with a new born to come my birthday lunch without her newborn. As women we’re supposed to help lift each other up not tear them down because they have just had a baby.

Yes she does have a right to not want a baby at her birthday lunch but how many birthdays has she had? And will continue to have. It’s a lunch for Christ sake not cocktails and raving.

Gosh is it to much to ask that a friend actually be a friend and not a selfish dick.

I think you need to get a grip

I think you need to get a grip

Who is this aimed at or are you just angry with the world?

No apologies for the get a grip message that wasn’t for this thread and I can’t figure out how to delete it

Wanting an adult only birthday lunch is akin to tearing her down because she has had a baby? The overreactions on this thread are unreal.

As women we’re supposed to help lift each other up not tear them down because they have just had a baby

Ahh, the old we must support women line. Strange how it's only ever women with children who we are supposed to support isn't it?

Imagine this.....a woman who is childfree, with a group of friends who are mostly childfree, wanting to get together for a lunch on someone's birthday in a place that may, or may not be suitable for children, but it doesn't matter because they want an adult only event. People with children can decide whether to attend without their child or not attend. No drama. The OP has moved on. The friend has moved on. Except here, where the insanity and insults about this women who just wants a lunch with her friends continues.

Hint. This is why many of your childfree friends dump you when you have a child.

Ah op I'm sorry and I totally get it. You were looking forward to seeing the group and disappointed that they weren't so keen to see you that they would say of course being baby.

Unfortunately I suspect your friendships have changed if you are the only one with a child. I had it the other way - the only one without a child for years. It is horrible feeling left out.

I now have a child and as a newborn she was much how you've described yours - sleeps, no bother. I was out and about all the time with her. It was great. None of my friends ever made me feel bad about it.

I think the main problem is they are not making an effort elsewhere. If they were you wouldn't care about this one lunch. Has your friend answered your message about an alternative meetup? If she does favourably why don't you invite the others? Write a really cheery note to say you're gutted you're missing out on the roast but dying to see them all and can they come over yours.

If they don't want to make the effort or support your life choices I think I would be evaluating the friendships however.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh you sound like you don’t have any children and very bitter at those that do and just so you know, none of my child free friends have dumped me, why? Because the circle of friends that I have, we support each other and our life choices. We phone or text each other and catch up when we can. We are honest with each other and actually care about the people we keep close to us.

Apologies if you’ve never experienced this as it doesn’t sound like you have. Wishing you all the best though, through all your many life experiences.

Oh and one more thing @Leighhalfpennysthigh that old we must support women line, is for all women not just those who have children but I was using that line in this thread about this particular situation as I am unable to speak on all the different issues regarding women, children or lack there of in this particular thread.

@Alicia147 Calling a women childless and bitter is very supportive of women rather than tearing them down...

I think the point @Leighhalfpennysthigh was making was that there may be reasons why a woman who has made the choice not to have babies at her event might need support, just as a new mother might need support on other occasions. Instead, people here would call that woman a bitch, a bad friend, immature, etc. Whilst reminding everyone that women must support each other. Weird contradiction. And you don't need to have or not have children to understand that contradiction, I don't think.

I think the point @Leighhalfpennysthigh was making was that there may be reasons why a woman who has made the choice not to have babies at her event might need support, just as a new mother might need support on other occasions.

So true. How do they know birthday woman didn't just miscarry? She wouldn't have necessarily told anyone would she? Why should she have a baby turn up after such an event?

Again though, it's the entitled mothers that think they and their babies come before everything and anyone else. Particularly the ebf ones.

@ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo thank you.

@Alicia147 no I don't have children and no I'm not bitter. But hey, cheers for proving my point!

By bringing the baby you are making it about you. If you can’t go don’t go.

As women we’re supposed to help lift each other up not tear them down

You have literally been calling people dicks left right and centre Alicia.

In response to the original message that was put up for people to respond to, I clearly said that the lady’s so friend is being a complete and utter dick. As her behaviour shows that as I’m as I’m and some others are concerned.

In my response to @Leighhalfpennysthigh I made an assumption which I clearly stated was an assumption that she was childless and I was right. Assuming that someone is childless wasn’t inaccurate and neither was it rude. I also went on to note that she sounded bitter. Again I don’t see how me saying that she sounds bitter is of any offence as that is exactly how it came across to me.

Do people not respect honest opinions or is that you have to try and nit pick so that you can turn opinion into something more than that.

At the end of my message I wished Leigh all the best in her future life experiences, or did you anyone miss that part.

Wishing someone you all the best, especially when you clearly don’t agree with them is not only nice but still empowering both sides. Or again, did no one read that part?

Alicia You can have your honest opinions and call other women dicks/bitter or you can support other women and not tear them down. Not both.

Again I don’t see how me saying that she sounds bitter is of any offence as that is exactly how it came across to me.

You sound nasty to me. All the best though, babes.

I also went on to note that she sounded bitter

That was the rude bit. I'm nit bitter, jealous or anything. I have lost friends after they've had children, that's a fact. After feeling a bit sorry for myself I moved on and concluded they weren't real friends. No bitterness anywhere.

Saying you support women and then calling a woman a dick is not supporting women. I never say I support women so I'm quite happy to say that in that and subsequent posts you were sounding like a dick. Nothing that the OPs friend has done and nothing that the OP has done has warranted anyone being called a dick.