To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

You could also apply the same tenuous reasoning to the friend. She’s being discriminated against as a child free person, surely forcing her to accept the baby against her will is treating her unfairly.

Except nobody is being discriminated against and it’s bloody ridiculous to suggest they are.

I personally wouldn’t have left my little one at 6 weeks, let alone go to a party she wasn’t welcome at. Took her out for dinner plenty of times and expressed Into a bottle to feed her. I wouldn’t also just bf her though if I stayed longer than one bottle would cover. It’s your choice really I think I wouldn’t say thanks but no thanks in that situation. She obviously doesn’t want baby there. I’ve had strange requests around the baby situation, surely you want a bit of freedom and want to get out - type statements aimed at me. I’d rather be with my baby

Would also *

Ellie666 you’re mad, sorry. Nothing so off-putting as a nursing mother?

I fed my baby everywhere, with a light scarf wrapped around us. I barely ever had a second glance.

Pope Francis has invited mothers to feed their babies during christening masses at the Vatican, just as Mary nourished Jesus in all that Renaissance art you would find so ‘off-putting’. I hope you never go to an art gallery.

Grow up.

I sent a further message to her after about doing something else even if it was just cake and tea at mine to celebrate! So fingers crossed for good response

@Coconutbug I just wondered if you got a reply to this? Sorry if I missed it.

I definitely wouldn't want you feeding it in front of me while I was eating my dinner ... some don't think twice about just whipping it out and feeding there and they, no respect for themselves or people around them. Nothing so off-putting at a dinner table.

Jesus, what appalling language and attitudes. Aren’t you embarrassed to post this?

Sounds like she wants the day about her as having a baby there may take attention from her and it's her birthday. I would say I will come for an hour but need to get back or make excuses not to go

What kind of friend is she? Ugh. Wait until she has a baby, I bet she'll be so bloody precious. You'd think she'd be excited to see you introduce your baby to everyone. At least I would be if it was my friend!

It's her birthday, her choice, no babies x

I'm sorry. It's horrible to be excluded like this. I couldn't have left either of my children at 6 weeks. They'll feel like proper twars when they have their own kids.
Chin up.

Can I just say that not all babies sleep at 6 wks and are no bother.

My DD2 NEVER slept and did nothing but scream, not cry, scream so I fully understand why the friend doesn't want a young baby who could potentially disrupt her posh birthday lunch. Just because it has a children's menu doesn't mean it's not upmarket or that children are not expected to be well behaved.

It's not ridiculous, it's not selfish , it's HER birthday treat and amazing as it sounds, the whole world does not revolve around your kids.

They are your priority not everyone else's and sometimes you have sit events out as a result. I basically had no life for the 1st 3 years after I had DD2 because she was a nightmare to take anywhere. That's life.

Sorry OP but YABVU.

I can see both sides, on personal note if it were a close friend of mine I'd rather they were there than not so I would prefer they came with baby however I'd probably rather a child free lunch so get her side too

I basically had no life for the 1st 3 years after I had DD2 because she was a nightmare to take anywhere.

This is the point though. You chose to sit it out.

Thats very different from being actively excluded from all your friends socials because you have a baby, because that would just be nasty and hurtful.

If you were invited and didn't manage the situation well, i.e. left your baby to scream over proceedings, then I would expect someone to step in and poi t that out, because then its all about the baby.

Could you imagine having no social life for over a year simply because your friends now excluded you because you have a baby. Thats whats being discussed here,not that you have a baby that wouldn't settle anywhere meaning you either chose to not go, or took yourself off somewhere to avoid over imposing on your friends' events.

You try it the other way around, being discriminated against and excluded and see how that feels.

Women should not be excluded because they have a small baby that they can't leave.

What friends do that? No friends of mine ever did thats for sure.

I basically had no life for the 1st 3 years after had DD2 because she was a nightmare to take anywhere. That's life

Same with my first child. She just cried virtually all the time unless she was feeding. I couldn't take her anywhere. She'd squawk all round the supermarket. DD2 was a doddle in comparison. I still wouldn't have taken her on a mates birthday dinner.

You try it the other way around, being discriminated against and excluded and see how that feels

Still on about poor mummies being discriminated against I see.
Well, actually childless people do experience exclusion from friendship groups, banned from taking holidays in the summer by some workplaces, made to work Christmas so parents can have it off. We're treated like freaks, called odd, not proper women, told we should pay higher taxes to support other children, subject to silly stereotypes, told we are immature, selfish and have never felt love.......

A family yet, it is still not discrimination.

Thats very different from being actively excluded from all your friends socials because you have a baby, because that would just be nasty and hurtful

But she was invited, not excluded.

And yet I meant

They'll feel like proper twars when they have their own kids.

@Putyourdamnshoeson what if they choose to not have children? What makes them twats because they don't have children?

I never said others don't get discriminated against too Leigh

I hadn't assumed whether you had dc or not, and yes, I can see that couples with similar age dc that get on do socialise or holiday together.

Also, that singletons get a supplement put on their holiday for not being in a couple, many things like that.

Personally someone having dc or not doesn't really come into my invitation considerations. I invite my friends and family they bring their dc or dont depending on their own considerations.

Some venues are not suited to some age dc.

No, I'm certainly not of the poor mummies ilk. They are certainly not, but are strong and can speak up so they can bf wherever they want and not be excluded just because they have a baby.

No-one's going to be interested in HER birthday when there's YOUR baby to coo over.

For the last time @Smotheroffive she wasn't excluded just because she has a baby. She was invited. The baby wasn't. That's absolutely fine. As is turning down the invitation because she can't leave her baby at the moment.

Yeah, how dare people coo over a baby (assuming birthday girl would hate baby and not want to see it but be angry its not all about the birthday girl, how sad).

There.seems to be two schools here, I saw a thread a while back about a birthday party where someone announced their pregnancy, half thought she was selfish and senseless, the others how it added to the event, much more excitement and chatter and happiness generally. She also needed to explain the lack of alcohol and small appetite.

Stop using the word excluded smother. It’s ridiculous hyperbole.

Is arranging something in mid week when a teacher can’t come as they’re not allowed time off discrimination against teachers? If not why not?

And as these are women who do not sound particularly interested in babies anyway, I doubt whether there would be much genuine cooing going on.

It is a privilege to have a birthday each year and a privilege to grow older. Many people don't. We should celebrate birthdays - ours, children's, parents, friends.

Sorry Leigh. You keep slinging insults about and I've already stated I'm not interested in your commentary, at all. I will now continue to ignore your arguments and insults.

I slipped up there, speaking to you momentarily.