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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

739 replies

Coconutbug · 03/11/2019 17:30

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

OP posts:
JacksonPillock · 04/11/2019 19:14

I can't believe people think bringing babies to adult functions with your friends is ok

Because it just seems so irrelevant. I'm not saying I would have any problem if one of my friends didn't want me to. I'd just be surprised, as I am now, that people see it as such a big deal. I just don't see a newborn baby as any threat to the dynamics of a meal with my friends whatsoever.

StrawberryGoo · 04/11/2019 19:14

I don’t think anyone has said a baby is “offensive“. But they have said they can be demanding and they prefer them not to be at an adult lunch at an upmarket restaurant.

I’m pleased for the very lucky mothers on this thread who had 6 week olds who just slept in their pram but that is not true of a lot of newborns.

Hey1256 · 04/11/2019 19:14

@ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo well said!!!!

Again it's the entitled attitude from some mothers who think the world revolves around them and their babies.

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2019 19:15

I just don't see a newborn baby as any threat to the dynamics of a meal with my friends whatsoever.

You’re the one with the baby. The dynamics change to suit you. No wonder you wouldn’t see the issue.

LucieeMorningstar · 04/11/2019 19:18

The stench of entitlement from some mothers is unbelievable.

It's not about a baby being offensive or you thinking your little darling doesn't change an outing's dynamics. It's your choice to have a child, that shouldn't be inflicted on anyone else.

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 04/11/2019 19:19

@Hey1256 Thankfully I’ve never met anyone like this in real life. My friends are a well-adjusted bunch who don’t accuse each other of discrimination if their babies aren’t invited to all social events.

Hey1256 · 04/11/2019 19:19

*I can't believe people think bringing babies to adult functions with your friends is ok

Because it just seems so irrelevant. I'm not saying I would have any problem if one of my friends didn't want me to. I'd just be surprised, as I am now, that people see it as such a big deal. I just don't see a newborn baby as any threat to the dynamics of a meal with my friends whatsoever.*

As none of them have met this baby yet there's a high likelihood it will be the 'highlight/fuss' of the afternoon. Because it would be rude not to.

I think it's fair to not want the introduction of a new baby to be on your birthday.

Especially as these friends do not have kids. Most people before having their own kids couldn't care less about babies - at least not when it's an adult birthday celebration.

Shoot a lot of parents don't care to engage with kids but their own so why would anyone want that to be their highlight of their birthday??

ferntwist · 04/11/2019 19:20

I’ve heard it all now. Breastfeeding a baby so you can’t leave them when they’re six weeks old is now “the stench of entitlement”. That says more about you than anyone else LucieeMorningstar.

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 04/11/2019 19:23

@ferntwist Have you read the last couple of pages? We’re talking about the accusation of discrimination against anyone who dares not want a baby at their event. That belief is absolutely entitled, whether it’s more commonly held by breastfeeding mothers or not.

Fitsrightin · 04/11/2019 19:23

A 6-week-old doesn't do anything besides sleep, feed and poo. Hardly gonna take over the whole party! People would forget she's there after about 10 minutes. Just don't get why anyone would care.

But they won't forget. Pram at the table, baby attached to mum's breast, everyone feeling like they have to focus on the baby. Not what the party friend had in mind.

LucieeMorningstar · 04/11/2019 19:28

Oh do grow up, fern. No where in my post did I mention because of breastfeeding. My post refers to those calling the birthday girl a bitch and a bad friend because she doesn't want a baby there, those who insist on bringing a baby where they're not wanted And those morons trying to say that this is discrimination of a mum and breastfed baby. Because what else could reasoning like that reek of but entitlement. You procreated. You've done something animals can do. You are not a revered deity.

Honestly do you people like to make everything about breastfeeding? No one is saying OP had to starve her child and not go. She declined. Problem solved. My issue is with the other poster's.

Pinkblueberry · 04/11/2019 19:33

Goodness me, babies being ‘offensive’ and the friend being accused of ‘discrimination’ - to everyone having to make pathetic exaggerations like this, I think it’s pretty clear you don’t have a good point to make...

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 04/11/2019 19:36

This isn't about 3 year olds, who can be left, its about excluding women who have small babies

Several years ago I was cast out from a group of friends who all had children, whilst I didn't. It was blatant. It was hurtful and our friendship never recovered.

It still wasn't discrimination.

LemonJelly1980 · 04/11/2019 19:36

Why on earth did you have your DD around when they came over last time? Did you imagine it’s not entirely maddening when kids butt in to adult conversation? Wow

FFS! How ridiculous!
I would think that the child has more right to be there in her OWN HOME, than the 'friends' do to be there as visitors.
If the friends were so bothered about a child being there then they shouldn't have visited in the first place. Hmm

JacksonPillock · 04/11/2019 19:52

But they won't forget. Pram at the table, baby attached to mum's breast, everyone feeling like they have to focus on the baby. Not what the party friend had in mind

Hmm. Maybe it's just me and my friends. After the initial "aww she's so cute" there's not much to focus on with a 6-week-old.

Just saying, it wouldn't bother me at all.

It also wouldn't bother me much if my friend wanted it to be just adults though tbf.

Fitsrightin · 04/11/2019 19:58

Hmm. Maybe it's just me and my friends. After the initial "aww she's so cute" there's not much to focus on with a 6-week-old.

But there's plenty to focus on with the new mum. Polite conversation around feeding and sleeping and christenings or whatever. New mums are, rightly, fixated on their baby. That isn't the vibe needed for a possibly boozy birthday lunch

Adviceplease1234 · 04/11/2019 20:00

I'm really surprised by many of the responses on here. I'd be hurt if my close group of friends who hadn't met my baby yet didn't want me to bring him/her to the meal. Yes it's your friend's birthday but she's an adult. Surely she's old enough to not have to be the centre of attention!

If she had booked a venue that genuinely couldn't accommodate a baby then that's different. For example I wouldn't expect your friend to change her plans if she had wanted to go to a bar in the evening. How odd.

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2019 20:02

I'd be hurt if my close group of friends who hadn't met my baby yet didn't want me to bring him/her to the meal.

So now the birthday meal is all about them meeting your baby. Hmm

JacksonPillock · 04/11/2019 20:08

But there's plenty to focus on with the new mum. Polite conversation around feeding and sleeping and christenings or whatever. New mums are, rightly, fixated on their baby. That isn't the vibe needed for a possibly boozy birthday lunch

Wouldn't that be the case (or not) whether the baby was there or not?

Original poster
Coconutbug · 04/11/2019 20:11

@BillieEilish

I appreciate taking the time to comment on the thread but perhaps need to read it a bit more thoroughly before telling me to 'STFU'

I haven't said anything about being upstaged or them wanting snuggles - ive actually said the opposite.

I think there are more considerate ways to get your opinion across (especially when it is factually incorrect) than telling someone to STFU

OP posts:
Leighhalfpennysthigh · 04/11/2019 20:56

This reply has been deleted

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ZenNudist · 04/11/2019 21:09

The same woman will be guaranteed to want to bring her baby everywhere when she has her own.

Sadly by then you will have older (more annoying!) Dc and will relish a child free date. Then her needs will trump yours.

ferntwist · 04/11/2019 21:20

Zen I suspect you have it spot on.

Original poster
Coconutbug · 04/11/2019 21:27

@Leighhalfpennysthigh haha thank you needed to read that!!! 😂😂 You are very right!!

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 04/11/2019 21:34

Yes, I also suspect this inviter will have a complete 360 turnaround if anyone is exclusionary towards her once she has a baby!