Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

739 replies

Coconutbug · 03/11/2019 17:30

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

OP posts:
onthecoins · 04/11/2019 18:03

Discriminators my arsehole.

Absolute batshit.

StrawberryGoo · 04/11/2019 18:09

Some really don't understand discrimination at all

As I said, it is literally my day job.

Is it discrimination to go out for lunch somewhere upmarket because another friend might not be able to afford it and have to decline?

Is it discrimination against childfree people to say their own events are no longer within their control and they aren’t allowed to decide whether to invite babies or not?

It is disgusting the way you are cheapening such a serious issue like discrimination.

summersherewishiwasnt · 04/11/2019 18:11

Your friend doesn’t want to be upstaged by a baby. How sad. It’s a pity that so many people seem to think it’s ok to be a selfish self centered prick and expect everyone to get in line or get out of the line entirely. Including all the posters who trot out “her party, her rules!” She’s doesn’t own people.

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2019 18:12

Your friend doesn’t want to be upstaged by a baby.

No. She wants a child free birthday meal.

Smotheroffive · 04/11/2019 18:14

I also really wouldn't have understood the implications of having a baby beforehand!

Thats not to say all don't, but I hadn't been around newborns to a larger enough degree before having my own.

We had babies in the family but I was busy with full on personal and business life, so uninvolved in family's babies.

It would have occurred to me though to exclude close family and friends from my wedding day! Not at all. No matter what age actually.

EasterEgg80 · 04/11/2019 18:17

A good friend would understand your baby needs to come too. The baby is likely to be either asleep or bf at that age. An older disruptive toddler I could understand, but a newborn is different.

I would feel really sad if my friends treated me this way.

Beansandcoffee · 04/11/2019 18:19

It’s not discrimination.

It is a friend saying adults only to her party. Just like some people say adults only to their wedding. It is their choice. Don’t go. Do go. Whatever. But baby stays at home.

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2019 18:23

A good friend would understand your baby needs to come too.

A good friend would understand their friend wanting an adult only evening. The op has said she gets it. She’s a good friend.

Bluntness100 · 04/11/2019 18:26

No @Bluntness100 it is NOT "her sole decision who she has at her event

Lol talk about being a pendant, yes clearly I meant it's her choice who to invite, it's then th persons choice on whether to accept or not, 🤣🤣🤣

kenandbarbie · 04/11/2019 18:36

Hmmm well as your baby is so little she will probs have to accept you can't go. I have taken my baby to lots of upmarket restaurants. When they're newborns it's similar to what generally happens at weddings at weddings, they are an exception to a no children rule.

JacksonPillock · 04/11/2019 18:37

Maybe because my friends and I all had our kids at the same time more or less, but I really don't get this "it changes the dynamic" thing. If I wanted to spend a birthdaylunch with my friends, I really wouldn't care if one of them brought a baby with them. I don't think it would change much, except that person would be having to deal with a baby so would be less "present". Still better than not being there at all though, IMO!

BillieEilish · 04/11/2019 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Frosters30 · 04/11/2019 18:38

YANBU - your Friend has obviously never been in the same situation. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving a baby of that age that is ebf with anybody else. I only hope that if the situation is reversed, she’ll remember how she made you feel and realised that she was in the wrong

NotACleverName · 04/11/2019 18:38

Some really don't understand discrimination at all.

Yes and judging by your posts, @Smotheroffive, you are one of the worst offenders on this thread for that.

JacksonPillock · 04/11/2019 18:41

A 6-week-old doesn't do anything besides sleep, feed and poo. Hardly gonna take over the whole party! People would forget she's there after about 10 minutes. Just don't get why anyone would care.

FontSnob · 04/11/2019 18:49

@BillieEilish it’s not the OP saying any of that! She’s been perfectly reasonable.

BillieEilish · 04/11/2019 18:51

In your opinion, let's hope this doesn't get in The Daily Mail as she will be friendless, rightly so.

Hey1256 · 04/11/2019 18:53

A 6-week-old doesn't do anything besides sleep, feed and poo. Hardly gonna take over the whole party! People would forget she's there after about 10 minutes. Just don't get why anyone would care.

Not the point. Shall I bring my 90 year old grandmother who doesn't speak she will just quietly sit in her wheelchair. As I care for her it would be terrible to leave her But she won't cause any problems or drama?

It would be fucking ridiculous if I did that wouldn't it?

FontSnob · 04/11/2019 18:53

Have you actually read her posts??

JacksonPillock · 04/11/2019 18:57

It would be fucking ridiculous if I did that wouldn't it?

Well I mean, it would be a bit weirder I guess, because people taking babies out is highly common whereas people taking 90-year-olds out isn't.

But if she doesn't speak and just sleeps then why would I care? Why would it be "fucking ridiculous"?

Fowles94 · 04/11/2019 19:02

She's not a friend then if she doesn't want her friends baby there. I'd tell her wear to stick politely.

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2019 19:06

She's not a friend then if she doesn't want her friends baby there.

Why? She’s friends with the friend, not the baby.

Hey1256 · 04/11/2019 19:10

I can't believe people think bringing babies to adult functions with your friends is ok.

Time and a place for babies - adult birthday party as well as lots of other places = no.

I have no idea why some people think they're so entitled after having babies

Breastfeeding, having children and Deciding not to leave them alone at six weeks are all choices. Non of those choices should impact on other adults throwing adult birthday parties. Geeez

Austriana · 04/11/2019 19:11

I am trying to work out what could be so offensive about a six week old baby...

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 04/11/2019 19:12

Goodness me. Can’t wait to hear what some of you will do when you find out you can’t take your baby into an 18-rated film, the Royal Opera House, work (every day), a mosh pit, a rollercoaster, an F1 race in 2012 back when it was noisy, etc. etc. etc. And just think, all of those things are actually services as well! Wonder how those terrible companies get away with such discrimination. Could it be because excluding newborns is actually totally fair enough in some cases? Absolutely not - it’s just silent oppression. To the barricades!

Swipe left for the next trending thread