To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

This thread has become hysterical and ridiculous! Not everything is an attack on breastfeeding mothers!

Discrimination 😂😂😂

No ts not a contradiction,the ops friend probably doesnt realise what a 6 week old baby is like.

It is a contradiction. I agree the friend probably doesn’t realise this, but it doesn’t stop it being a contradiction.

I'm new to this thread but she sounds like a shit friend. If someone is ebf a newborn then they come as a package with the mother.
No decent friend would want to exclude a friend because they had a newborn baby.
And those saying they wouldn't want the attention straying from them to the newborn... how old are they, 5?? Birthday gatherings are a chance for a catch up and chat with friends to celebrate an event or milestone not for 'attention'.
It's not like she's asking to take a disruptive toddler and it's only Sunday lunch!

So by your pp beans would you exclude your friend until her baby could be comfortably left at home and pretend like your friend had done something offensive?

You would not, if you hadn't had dc understand what her life is like, and how nb babies have to be with the dms in early weeks/months, and she wouldnt necessarily want ro be telling you about shitty nappies or all about her, but would you say you are intolerant of women with nb babies and exclude them deliberately?

Actually a lot of women without children do understand very well what it means to have a newborn - especially if, like me, they spend way too much time on here!

It still isn't wrong and certainly not discrimination for a host to choose who to invite to their event.

The friend invited OP, she declined. I doubt that the friend has even thought anything more about it. Why would she? As people are quick to point out on here it is an invitation, not a summons.

I too have noticed the contradiction between the fact that women who have just given birth are encouraged by some to spend weeks with "just their little family" following childbirth and nit entertain any guests (Or only want guests who are willing to act as a skivvy - fuck that btw) and the horror that these friends who have no interest in children haven't visited after 6 weeks. Maybe they work? Maybe they have hobbies? There are a million reasons why people don't always get to see friends regularly, even after they have had a baby. I certainly haven't seen people's babies for months before now - they didn't want visitors in the evenings and weekends, I was working all day. It happens.

It still isn't wrong and certainly not discrimination for a host to choose who to invite to their event.

Well it would be if you exclude them on the basis of them having a nb baby. That much is clear.

Whether they ebf or not doesn't need to be the issue here, but a very small baby being close to its dm, and exluding the dm because of it, is.

@Smotheroffive what utter bollocks. There is no rule to say that anyone is entitled to being their kids of any age to any event.

Some events are unsuitable for children
Some places are unsuitable for children (even those with a children's menu)
Some people don't want to be around children

You would hate me because I have no interest in hearing about, or the company of, babies that I make a point of not bothering to have any friends at that stage of life.

Well it would be if you exclude them on the basis of them having a nb baby. That much is clear.

@Coconutbug wasnt excluded though.She was asked,she declined.
Being excluded is not being asked at all

The Birthday woman doesnt want babies there.Thats her choice.Your wants dont override someone elses,just because you have a baby.

Your choice to have a baby,your choice to bf.You cant do all the same stuff as before when you have a ebf newborn.

And why should other people have to change their plans,their not the ones with kids.And i say that as someone who has bf.

You've misquoted me there Leigh. That wasnt what I said, which is out of order considering your tone towards me based on your misconception.

I wouldn't hate you at all. Thats super extreme thing to say.

I didnt say that either Pot. I said you would be...if you did. Its very different as I wasntt saying this happened to OP. You've said that, not mean

Referencing OPs post, many have interpreted it as she doesn't want your baby there, thats excluding, just the same as if you were being racially discriminated against.

As a mum you are still a real person, and I imagine it would be pretty hurtful to be excluded (by your friends, apparently) purely because you now have a new baby. Its horrible, you now have something that means they don't want to socialise with you!

I would go, but anyone with a nb baby cannot commit to giving deposits and absolute guarantees of attendance, these are also ways of excluding someone with a small baby.

@Smotheroffive - I would not expect a friend of mine with a new born to turn up at an adult event. So yes indirectly I would be excluding the baby.

By the way I do have children and still have to turn down events because of my kids re babysitting issues, adult only pubs etc. It is life.

Don't patronise me @Smotheroffive. You are talking bollocks. No,discrimination. Nothing to see here. Move on dear and stop the hysteria.

Dads wouldn’t even be having this conversation!!!

‘Referencing OPs post, many have interpreted it as she doesn't want your baby there, thats excluding, just the same as if you were being racially discriminated against.’

Seriously???!!!

‘I’m having a birthday meal, I’d like you to come but it might not be suitable for your baby’

is the same as

‘I’m having a birthday meal, you can’t come because you are not the same skin colour as me’

?????!!

I’m lost for words.

‘Referencing OPs post, many have interpreted it as she doesn't want your baby there, thats excluding, just the same as if you were being racially discriminated against.’

Yes thats exactly the same thing🤦‍♀️

Well i know i was.I was a clueless idiot[still am].I was an only and dint know many babies.So

I was the youngest of our extended family. I'd never held, or even met a baby until I held my own. The 24/7 demands came as something of a surprise. I didn't realise how much time they took up. Just as well really.

I have no interest in hearing about, or the company of, babies that I make a point of not bothering to have any friends at that stage of life.

Lol how is that not discrimination?

@PurpleDaisies you are right I don't know if they have fertility issues but I'm sure they don't know either as none of them are actively trying at present. 5 year plans and that.

No I wouldn't either beans but thats very different from excluding her based on her having a newborn.

The other comment I am just ignoring because it's just an abusive, and yes patronising, ironically, diatribe.

I wouldn't expect anyone to attend anything. Full stop. I would understand completely a new mum not being able to commit to arrangements by handing over cash advances etc., and would understand if they couldn't make it on the day.

Very different to expecting them to leave a newborn behind, which is exclusionary, because many women and babies won't manage this.

Well I said it before but I don't really feel the need to discuss shitty nappies etc with them
If they ask me questions I'll answer them but not in huge detail or length. I certainly have other things to talk about and gratefully so, would nice to have some other conversation that's not about baby! If anything id be avoided it 😂 c

Are some people REALLY trying to say that not wanting to have a baby at an adult event is the same as racism?

I'll let my black mother in law know that when she was spat on in the street, called all sorts of names, had to put up with her son being stopped and searched on the street for the colour of his skin, lost out of numerous jobs, scrubbed graffiti off her front door and got told that despite being in and contributing to this country for over 50 years she should fuck off to where she came from - that none of that was as discriminatory as an adult deciding that she didn't want a baby at her adult meal. Righto.

For those struggling with this, here is the government definition of discrimination:

It is against the law to discriminate against anyone because of:
age
gender reassignment
being married or in a civil partnership
being pregnant or on maternity leave
disability
race including colour, nationality, ethnic or national origin
religion or belief
sex
sexual orientation
These are called ‘protected characteristics’.

You’re protected from discrimination:
at work
in education
as a consumer
when using public services
when buying or renting property
as a member or guest of a private club or association

So a friend suggesting you don’t bring a baby to a social gathering that she organised on her own time does not fall under this definition. Now stop being ridiculous.

@Whoops75 travel time is about 30/40 minutes which includes parking and walking to venue. That's why it's not necessarily viable to go between feeds.

For others:
I have no issue leaving him inbetween feeds, the day after he was born I was doing the school run because I know I could get back quickly.

I think there is such a difference of opinion even if I agree with all sides of it which I do that I will get berated for it lol

@Smotheroffive I take it you mean me? Oh please carry on ignoring me.

Referencing OPs post, many have interpreted it as she doesn't want your baby there, thats excluding, just the same as if you were being racially discriminated against

This is one of the worst takes I have ever read.

smotheroffive it is not discrimination. The word discrimination has a meaning, a very serious meaning, and you are making light of it. I am a discrimination lawyer and your characterisation of this as “discrimination” is ridiculous at best and utterly offensive at worst.

Can't imagine anything duller than talking shitty nappies on a night out! Nice to get away from it.

I'd be hurt to find I was excluded by 'friends' because of babies age and age related needs.

Making it difficult for you to join something is also exclusionary, and discrimination against babies and dms.

It used to be that restaurants and various establishments were exclusionary. Thankfully were more enlightened, mostly!

So, let's say an adults only wedding, your bff just had a baby, you don't invite her because you don't want 'babies' at your wedding?

I would be very upset by that and feel excluded purely because I had a very young baby. To miss out of a bffs special day because I now have a baby is just horrible.

I see from here that some would actually do that, and go so far as denouncing a bff if they conceived!

Some bff