To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

No mother can or should express enough to go away on a European holiday when their baby is five-months - you wouldn’t have enough to feed them properly while you were doing so without topping up with formula. Stop lying

Wrong again. But I won't accuse you of lying.
I did ebf four of my five and exprssed enough milk on several occasions to cover a month.

Bluntness you just don’t get it do you? If a baby is exclusively breastfed you don’t leave them. It’s not about being consumed with babies or breastfeeding. It’s normal human life. We’ve just become very divorced from that in our culture.

I’ve stayed quiet on exclusive breastfeeding until now and never got involved in one of these threads but I am so very sick of ebf mothers being treated like this. There’s such ignorance.

A new mum has a baby attached to her. Shes being discriminated against for having a baby.

If it’s Marco Pierre White don’t bother it’s shit anyway.

I really wish people would be truthful with people they consider friends. Why is the first assumption that someone is going to be insulted if you just tell them you’d rather not have the baby as it’s a birthday celebration and you want to drink?!

It’s only for six months anyway. After that they can start to have solids. After a year, cow’s milk. It’s hardly being consumed. And yes, I agree with the poster who said ebf-mothers should be celebrated. Of course she was rounded on. I’m sick of staying silent - ebf is okay and babies deserve it.

Baby Liberation Front. Feed the babies. Free the mothers!

A new mum has a baby attached to her. Shes being discriminated against for having a baby.

Because the friend would rather have an adult lunch it’s discrimination? Really?

The op can celebrate her ebf with her husband, child or anyone who is interested. The birthday woman doesn't have to change her plans to celebrate it with her, that's just odd.

People can feed their babies any way they chose as long as it's right for mother and baby. I personally don't see it as a reason for celebration and certainly wouldn't change my birthday plans to celebrate someone else ebf ing their kid, but each to their own.

The op can organise her own celebration if she's that way inclined 🤣

I love the way posters keep having a go at OP for wanting to vent a little here, making out she's being so unreasonable, long after she's said she's already politely declined.

Because the friend would rather have an adult lunch it’s discrimination? Really?

Yes, really.

Wow this thread really had taken on life of its own!

My main point was if I feel comfortable and the resutrant has a children's menu surely kids/babies are welcome. I wouldn't dream of asking if my DD (3 Years) could come.
If she didn't want children there fair enough but I'd prefer her to just say! I didn't actually mention anything to her about them having a children's menu.

I too celebrate child free events and normally welcome them - but as baby is so little I don't feel like I can leave him just yet. For various reasons, if I could express and give him bottle I wouldn't be having this discussion. I guess I know the difference between what it's like having a child that you can have to occupy and interact with and think having a 'baby in arms' is different. Even before I had kids I would rather other friends bring their children esp if they are a baby (if they want) if it means they able to come. But I accept not everyone thinks that way and that's fine!

My friend got married a couple of months ago and it was childfree, I was grateful it was a childfree event. I normally enjoy child free things!! And once baby gets a bit older I will be back to not wanting to take him to things. So yes if it means I miss out for this temporary period, so be it. I don't expect my baby to be invited as an extension of me but Id rather ask if baby can come and be told no. Rather than assume he definitely can't and miss out when people wouldn't of actually minded him being there ya kno!? They are good enough friends that I feel like I can ask that...
I didn't get into a disagreement with my friend, it was her sending that message about the deposit, me saying I'd love to come but I'd need to bring baby and pram and her saying no! I said not too worry I will miss out on this occasion. Yes I'm still sad to be missing out (whether this is reasonable or not)
It is not a boozy lunch, it's literally just a roast dinner. And none of the friends are struggling with fertility issues or even thinking about having children just yet.

^^@MulticolourMophead

I love the way posters keep having a go at OP for wanting to vent a little here, making out she's being so unreasonable, long after she's said she's already politely declined.^^

I don't think people are reading the whole thread at this point! Yes some comments are a little more aggressive than I feel they need be, but that is the nature of a public forum I guess!

And none of the friends are struggling with fertility issues or even thinking about having children just yet.

You never know that for sure.

Because the friend would rather have an adult lunch it’s discrimination? Really?Yes, really.

Op, you need to get a good solicitor, apparently you're being discriminated against, 🤣

Based on your latest update, it's fine for you to want to go with your baby. It's fine for her to politely say no. In this instance it's not about you, or the venue, it's about her. And that's how it should be.

Yes she soft soaped you, rather than just say no, but I wouldn't take offence at that, she was likely just trying to be nice. I get you're disappointed, but you have made a choice that's right for you and your child, and that choice should only impact you, not others, unless they wish it to.

@purpledaisies

*And none of the friends are struggling with fertility issues or even thinking about having children just yet.

You never know that for sure*

And what???? Even if one of them is, do their feelings trump hers?

She says they are friends,not friends of friends or acquaintance - so I'm sure she would know more than we do or do you not know what is going on in your friends lives.

Yes, absolutely and its not a matter for you to be guffawing at Bluntness

Being excluded purely because you have a young baby IS discrimination.

Once baby is old enough to be left comfortably, thats different, and, as OP says, and I've said, its great to go out on adult only events and have a break from the continual demands of young babies and dc.

But to exclude someone, or try to force them to self-exclude, or force them to leave their baby at home, purely based on them having a young baby?!
Yes, thats discrimating against her because shes not long given birth.

You either like your friend enough or you don't. You don't exclude them based on their baby caring status alone. Thats not funny at all.

And what???? Even if one of them is, do their feelings trump hers?

Well it it’s the birthday girl, or someone very close to her who would be upset by the presence of a baby at that lunch, why wouldn’t their feeling be taken into account?

She says they are friends,not friends of friends or acquaintance - so I'm sure she would know more than we do or do you not know what is going on in your friends lives

None of my friends knew when I was suicidal due to infertility.

But there is a contradiction between ‘i want the OP there’ and ‘i want a baby free lunch’ if the OP is ebfing a bottle refuser.

No ts not a contradiction,the ops friend probably doesnt realise what a 6 week old baby is like.Because she hasnt got kids.Women who dont have kids dont realise this.i know i didnt.

Can’t believe this has turned into a breastfeeding thread! I doubt the OP’s friends decision is based on the fact she’s BF. She doesn’t want a baby at her birthday, her right and I wouldn’t either tbh.
But OP, I too would feel a bit upset at this, not because of the meal, but because nobody appears to have made any effort to come and see you and DS. True friends would have made an effort by now.

Also, I can’t stand this whole celebrate breastfeeding, is this not a contradiction of normalise breastfeeding? And before anyone starts, I breastfed and formula fed.

It would be the same as accepting that when on a night out you could be called home to poorly child and then being all shitty about that, instead of being concerned.

If you leave you dc behind attending a wedding or any event, dc have a habit of needing you back, sickness, accidents, not settling, whatever, it should absolutely be understood, the same as not separating a young baby and new mum.

There's too much pressure to do it all, and dms often suffer as a result.

If I had a birthday lunch with my friends I would want a 6 week old baby there. I want adult time without kids thank you.

Perfectly reasonable.

Got nothing to do with ready feeding or not.

I just don’t want kids there.

Wouldn’t want a baby there!!!

Bloody phone!!

No it is not a contradiction,the op’s friend probably’t realise what a 6 week old baby is like. Because she hasn’t got kids. Women who don’t have kids don’t realise this. I know I didn’t.

That’s right. Women without children are clueless idiots who have never met anyone with a small baby or paid attention when their friends and family had them.

That’s right. Women without children are clueless idiots who have never met anyone with a small baby or paid attention when their friends and family had them. hmm

Well i know i was.I was a clueless idiot[still am].I was an only and dint know many babies.So.

OP
What’s the travel time to the restaurant?

Wondering how long you would have to be away for.