To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

@Jenni The breastfeeding Mafia. Perfect description
Anyminute No, many people don’t like babies. They find them dull, even those of us who are parents and have had their own babies! My friendship group of women in their 40’s and 50’s ,- all parents of teens and 20 somethings are completely uninterested in babies and small children.
We go out once a month for lunch, and always to a nice place that’s not in the least bit child friendly

Surprised at these responses. People assuming this woman must just wish to be th centre of attention. And hurling abuse at her that she's a spoilt brat.

When no one knows if the woman is infertile, had a miscarriage, a termination, and can't be round babies. Or what her reason is.

And those saying a baby doesn't change the dynamic, I've never ever met a woman who introduces her baby to a friendship circle and expects no one to pay attention and doesn't want the baby cooed over.

And saying the baby will just sleep. What tosh. No one knows that either. Doesn't matter how the baby behaves normally, every single person with experience of infants knows it's unpredctable, taking a baby into a loud new atmosphere and yes they could kick off and continue to kick off and if she's breast feeding every twenty mins, as someone suggested, she's hardly going to be able to get through the meal without doing it, which is again a dynamic change at the lunch table when every one else is knocking back Prosecco and trying to celebrate.

Bottom line is is it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. The op has no right to expect to bring someone else to her friends event, be it her controlling husband, her elderly granny who she cares for, or her baby sitter less ten year old. The host is well within her rights to invite the op alone.

If she’s not had a baby herself she’s probably thinking that your baby might cry/cause a fuss and she probably doesn’t want that on her birthday. Maybe she just wants the attention on herself too and not you and your new baby?

Decline the offer and arrange another time OP unless you can express and go for a few hours?

Breastfeeding mothers should be celebrated, babies should be celebrated.

Just breastfeeding mothers? I did both.

So should I have been celebrated for my first not for my second. Damn wish I has have known.

Obviously I should have stayed in a cupboard the second time.

And if you haven’t ebf a baby yet, don’t bother commenting. Sorry.

OMG I didn't think people actually thought like this, but there it is!

I think it's strange that people want to take their babies to a birthday meal out in a posh restaurant.

It is bizarre that any adult has this need for attention and validation. Adults making a fuss of their own birthdays is ridiculous.

Fine, so you can politely decline all invites to celebratory get-togethers, and sit alone with your martyr's gruel in your house on your own birthday - good for you.

What does that have to do with OP and her friend, both of who think a birthday lunch is a nice thing to have?

My mum friends and I now have teenagers. When we go out for a lunch or evening meal we choose places that don’t allow children. Same as when my husband and I get a weekend away we choose an adult only hotel. I love my own children but don’t want to be around other people’s kids.

BuzzShitbagBobbly

keep yourselves private so you can bond. Reject all visitors for several weeks/months

That's exactly what I've been thinking for the latter part of this thread.
Someetimes very contradictory, the comments I read.

Ah Beans the absolute joy of adult only hotels.

I'm not sure it's about being the centre of attention

Plenty of people suggested earlier in the thread that’s exactly what it was

The level of distain aimed at a woman who wants and adult lunch for her birthday, is really quite odd

Not half as bad as the level of disdain towards a new mum and her 6 week old baby.

*It’s not upmarket. It has a children’s menu ffs.

Are you saying no upmarket places do kids menus?*

Most upmarket places I know of don’t do kids menus, or for that matter serve Sunday roasts.

Is it the Toby Carvery OP?

'And if you haven’t ebf a baby yet, don’t bother commenting. Sorry.'

*Second, I'd also assume she could feed the baby before leaving and husband could care/feed it if necessary while she was out. I'd have no idea she needed to have the baby on her hip 24/7, why should I?

Apparently that makes me a bitch?*

Not but it does make you a bit clueless/narrow minded

@ExecutiveFiat I was expecting much more blow back for that insult tbh 😂

"" Most of my friends like a few drinks on a birthday do in a nice restaurant. It sort of feels wrong to be getting merry on vino round a tiny baby.""

I'm of the same mindset.

Also a few of us were on the dating scene/OLD and would have, child inappropriate stories to tell. I'm not comfortable having certain conversations around children, even if they can't understand.

I did EBF. When my children were older i relished the opportunity to go out without them and would rather others didn't bring their children.

It's tough when your the only one with children in a friendship group. My DD is lucky that two of her friends occasionally want to see her children as well. But they still want to see my DD without her children, so they can have a nore adult type catch up.

She doesn't want a baby there. It does change the dynamic and I understand her reasons , but she doesn't want to exclude you either

Most upmarket places I know of don’t do kids menus, or for that matter serve Sunday roasts.

Lots of up market places do sunday lunches, including a roast.

Sunday roast, out doesnt mean a carvery. It's not that difficult.

She doesn't want a baby there. It does change the dynamic and I understand her reasons , but she doesn't want to exclude you either

But she can’t have it both ways if the baby is ebf.

If the place has a kids menu, it is welcoming of kids, regardless of how ‘upmarket’ it is. I can’t see why babies would be unwelcome in those circs.

@JenniR29. It’s so funny that a few on the thread are trying to make it about breastfeeding. I couldn’t give a fuck how the OP feeds her baby, and I suspect the birthday girl doesn’t either! What she wants is a baby free adult only fun lunch.

What she wants is a baby free adult only fun lunch.

That’s fine.

Point is she can’t have that AND have her friend attend, because her friend is ebfing.

It was unwise to say it was the restaurant’s policy without checking that would hold up to investigation.

It’s not wrong to want a child free lunch.

I think the op was supposed to take the hint purple. I think she knows very well that the baby wasn’t welcome , she just doesn’t accept it, because she thinks she’s special because she has a new baby!