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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you really that bothered about shared toilets?

491 replies

Beaverdam · 03/11/2019 16:08

We were discussing this in work the other day. I really dont care about sharing toilets with males but some of the other women are really annoyed about the idea.

Are you annoyed about this? If so, what isit that you dont like about it? Do you think that the men will perve?

OP posts:
Original poster
Beaverdam · 03/11/2019 16:09

I tried askinh what was it about the idea that they dont like but they couldnt give me a straight answer. They just said it was because 'dont like it'.

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 03/11/2019 16:11

I’m not bothered if they are looked after, but shared toilets I’ve used in the past have had wee on the seats and on the floor.

MadgeMidgerson · 03/11/2019 16:12

another thread about the infinitely negotiable boundaries of others- I don’t care, so why should you?

many women wave articulated why they don’t want mixed sex spaces.

There is a substantive and robust body of evidence regarding what men will do when they can get away with it

I think if you are suggesting such a massive change to the status quo the onus is on you to justify the change

Try to come up with something a bit more substantial than ‘it’s the nice thing to do’

NeedAnExpert · 03/11/2019 16:13

Why wouldn’t you be comfortable rinsing out a mooncup in front of your male colleagues?

FamilyOfAliens · 03/11/2019 16:14

OP, maybe have a read of threads on here about the issue, as well as some general background reading on why single sex spaces were set up in the first place.

Most women I’ve spoken to about this are happy for their single sex spaces to stay as they are - maybe it’s the people who want to abolish them who should be explaining their reasoning.

EdithWeston · 03/11/2019 16:14

No, I'm not bothered in the slightest, assuming the loos and urinals themselves are in cubicles.

BillywilliamV · 03/11/2019 16:14

Men piss on the floor..

Ronnie27 · 03/11/2019 16:14

I went into a bar last night with unisex toilets. Three cubicles, not floor to ceiling doors. Some drunk man was standing having a pee with the cubicle door open. I had to walk past him to get to another cubicle and change my tampon. It wasn’t the most comfortable experience I’ll be honest.

The friend I was with has recently had a baby and is getting over an op for a birth injury so is feeling a bit sensitive. When I got back and told her about the unisex toilet situation she didn’t feel comfortable going in there either.

hipslikecinderella · 03/11/2019 16:14

Mixed toilets where each cubicle has a basin and hand dryer etc seem fine by me.
But dont men quite like having urinals? Cant see how they fit in....

AliceAbsolum · 03/11/2019 16:15

I'm very uncomfortable with it. I'd like to be able to use the loo without threat of sexual violence. Call me crazy.

MissMarks · 03/11/2019 16:15

I wouldn’t want to share work loos with male colleagues particularly. Just don’t like it. Want to be able to change a tampon with out worrying about who is in the cubicle beside me and can hear me faffing about with the sanitary bin.

MarchingAnts · 03/11/2019 16:15

Ugh because DH says that men's toilets are pretty gross most of the time, they pee on seat, don't use the toilet brush if they poo all down back of toilet, you get the picture. I was shocked, but he's said most places he's worked are like this. I also just think it's weird, I like to have some privacy, like if I want to fix my makeup or whatever

Fishcakey · 03/11/2019 16:15

I'm totally uncomfortable with it. The only men I want in the vicinity of me when I am having a poo are DH and DS and there is a big locked door firmly between us.

waggydog21 · 03/11/2019 16:16

I wouldn’t care as long as they were completely private cubicles (with sinks inside) with open public access. I wouldn’t want to use a traditional toilet facility with an area that was for men and women that was hidden eg in a separate room with sinks outside the toilets.

My local pizza express has shared toilets that are basically just disabled toilets in a hallway. Fine. I wouldn’t want to be in a room going to the toilet with a man next door, especially if there were gaps above/below. I wouldn’t trust not to be filmed or looked at.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 03/11/2019 16:16

I’m not bothered at all.

emilybrontescorsett · 03/11/2019 16:16

I can't stand shared toilets and from my experience here's why:
They stink of piss.
There is often urine all over the toilet seat, the back of the toilet, on the floor.
Lots of men don't wash their hands.
I don't want to change sanitary protection with a man stood literally cms away.
I don't want to use the mirror with a man staring at me.
Decent Men get very embarrassed sharing facilities with females.
Obviously some men don't care but I don't value their opinion.

BarbedBloom · 03/11/2019 16:16

Doesn't bother me at all, have gone to clubs for years with unisex facilities. However, I can understand why it could make some women feel uncomfortable or vulnerable

smemorata · 03/11/2019 16:17

I hate sharing toilets with men. They are often dirty and they are always smelly. I also find it embarrassing at work that I have to share toilets with men and with my students. You might think I'm being petty but it just makes life a little less stressful when you don't have to share. I also had a uti recently which is partly caused from trying not to use our horrible loos until I really had to - yes, I know this is ridiculous but I have always hated public toilets and lots of girls and women feel the same way about them.

stucknoue · 03/11/2019 16:17

Doesn't bother me but most days there's only 3 or 4 of usGrin

MissMarks · 03/11/2019 16:17

And also- I don’t want to take my daughters into a loo with random men. Not because I think they are a risk but because I think they deserve some privacy when they have a wee.

BarbedBloom · 03/11/2019 16:17

I will say women can be just as bad as men for getting piss everywhere though. All over the toilet seat and floor.

Sexnotgender · 03/11/2019 16:17

The UN stated members should “spare no effort to bring equality, dignity and safety” to women and girls around the world.

“A staggering 1.25 billion women and girls would enjoy greater health and increased safety with improved sanitation. Evidence also shows safe and clean toilets encourage girls to stay in school,” the UN chief said.

news.un.org/en/story/2014/11/484042-ensuring-womens-access-safe-toilets-moral-imperative-says-ban-marking-world-day

Do you think it’s just uneducated brown folk that need safe access to toilets?

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 03/11/2019 16:17

They tried mixed toilets at DHs workplace. The main problem was that as there were no urinals the men were breaking the toilet seats by flicking them up and down with their feet as they felt it was unhygienic to touch them with their hands!

The main complaint from the women was the disgusting state the loos were getting into. DH agrees that the gents toilets are always really grim.

PositiveVibez · 03/11/2019 16:18

I recently went on a night out in a warehouse type space that had 1 set of toilets for both sexes.

It was horrible. There was piss everywhere. The men were not locking the doors.

I was on my period and had to remove and replace a tampon so then had to queue to wash my hands.

It was a fucking horrible experience. And I am aware that it's not a sharing the toilets in work scenario, but I did feel vulnerable with men in such close proximity whilst doing one of the most private things a woman can do.

hungryhippie · 03/11/2019 16:19

For many reasons:
Men wee EVERYWHERE
Hidden cameras
I have extremely heavy periods and need to wash blood off my hands
I've miscarried in a public toilet
I can't shut the door properly when my baby is in his pram
Men's wee stinks
I want privacy from the male gaze

And many, many other reasons

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