Men sat in women's changing rooms

[nycfrog]

AIBU to get annoyed with women who plop their (male) SOs on the stools/seating in changing rooms?

Yesterday I needed the store assistant to help me with the back of a dress - on the way out of the changing rooms I realised my bare back had basically been exposed to a random bloke sat at the entrance. I know the shop assistant probably could have been more discreet but aibu to think they could sit somewhere else?

I don’t mind the getting changed behind the curtain bit. It’s coming out to show your friend or fir aclook in the full length mirror with maybe the wrong underwear for the outfit or just be half undressed. I don’t want someone random bloke gawping.

I have good body confidence. Happily go toptopless or breast feed openly. I am not interested in being looked at whilst deciding if I look nice in something.or not. I felt uncomfortable.

Next time I see a man sat in the women’s bit I’m going to go out and make sure I try a load of bras on in front of the outdoor mirror. I maybe ask the assistant for help in just a thong ( this is not an attractive look on me) See how long before he twigs he shoukdn’t be there.

That particular aisle

I got all confused... then i thought maybe you meant the aisle

I was in asda happily browsing the medical aisle for ear drops and then I accidentally came across the ‘marital aids’ (as it used to be called) section...gave me quite the shock

Why do some posters bring lesbians into these discussions? It’s absolutely awful. Lesbians are women. They have every right to be in a space for women.

Men can't even walk past the entrance now?!

I'm pretty sure the PP meant men should not cross the threshold of the entrance into the women's changing rooms, not they shouldn't walk past it.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer

Maybe ask the poster who's got the problem with men being in the vicinity of women's products for clarification?

I'm pretty sure the PP meant men should not cross the threshold of the entrance into the women's changing rooms, not they shouldn't walk past it
Oh OK, that'd make more sense lol, seemed a bit harsh the way I read it

This is one of the reasons I hardly ever go to shops and mainly shop online . It's not that it's men it's that bring a friend / mum anyone and they plonk them in the changing room and show off their outfit like they are in some cat walk and the person has to say over and over oh yes it's lovely you look great and there's all this unnecessary twirling and well I'm not sure I may get it in blue . I'm like ffs hurry up I want the cubicle .

Maybe ask the poster who's got the problem with men being in the vicinity of women's products for clarification?

Im not that bothered...I dont need her point clarified further and i now understand what your point is

I fully agree changing rooms should be single sex - and whilst a random man seeing my back wouldn’t bother me that’s not the point - my boundaries are not universal and are not more important than someone else’s. The OP didn’t want to show her naked back and therefore it doesn’t matter who doesn’t mind the OP does and the man shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

My dh always looks like he would rather be somewhere else when i pootle into the lingerie department...quite often he bolts in the opposite direction

I took mine with me when I went for a bra fitting at Bravissimo. It was an unfamiliar town and peeing with rain so it was the lesser of two evils for him. In the event, did appreciate his input, although the man sitting next to him on the waiting area sofa didn't really know where to look.

Yanbu, op. When I was young, thin, toned and attractive it wouldn’t really have bothered me to be seen by random men in a state of undress. I would probably have thought ‘you’re not supposed to be in here’ though, and like a pp, I might have been tempted to pose in front of the communal mirror in a bra just to make that point.

Now I am old I do care. They shouldn’t be in there and shops should make sure it doesn’t happen.

I blame the big stores. We all know that its mostly women who shop but these stores simply refuse to have parking areas. They dont realise what benefits it would bring. Just have a seating area with some mags and maybe a coffee machine,,it could be near the changing rooms.. park your man or woman there,,shop at your leisure,pop out for a viewing or a "what do you think",,everyones happy but no,,you end up with men tagging along annoying their shopping woman and spoiling the experience. A lot of fitting rooms are now gender neutral..

@SmileEachDay

I obviously didn't make myself clear.

My DH never entered the changing room but would go to the front of the queue and hand the clothes the to sales assistance guarding the entrance and then quickly retreat to a distance. So no one else offended and as I was trying to say others seemed to want to enlist his help.

I wouldn't be bothered about some bloke seeing a brief flash from distance if he's sitting waiting for his wife/daughter/aged aunt - but that's me. I know that others are much more shy.

As for the Bitch I referred to - I was looking in the mirror turning to see how the dress looked and noticed people walking by looking somewhat shocked. I then realised this was due to the hem of the dress being in my knickers (how? no idea) and the assistant who was directly behind me and could see this had made no effort on my behalf. If I was in a shop and something like this I would go up to the individual and quietly mention it to save them embarrassment. Any civilised person would probably do the same.

This is getting ridiculous now. I go shopping usually with my DH. I don't like shopping with friends and like a second opinion. He likes a sit down while I am changing. We do the same the other way around if he is looking for clothes. If you have an issue with where the chairs are placed (eg they are looking into the changing room itself) speak to the shop but I have NEVER seen this is any changing room. They are always positioned just outside where they could be standing anyway.

I encountered this in Topshop when I took my 14 year old DD shopping. She's been diagnosed with low self esteem and social anxiety, it's the first and only time I've managed to get her out and trying on clotthes so I was really shocked to find some womans male partner sitting inside the female changing room. Unfortunately I also struggle with confidence and didn't have the courage to ask him to leave so just stood outside my daughters cubicle to ensure she felt ok. The problem with todays society is too many people only consider themselves, how they feel, how they're affected - the key here is to consider how other women/girls using the changing rooms might feel.

M&S have gone one better. Men are now welcome in the women's changing rooms, including lingerie, if that's where they feel "comfortable".

We all know that its mostly women who shop but these stores simply refuse to have parking areas

I agree, parking areas would help.

I know my DH hates loitering outside the women's changing rooms waiting for me, particularly if there is nowhere to sit down. Unless I specifically tell him to stay because I might come out, he will wander off somewhere.

Any changing rooms that allow men in I won’t use.

M&S have gone one better. Men are now welcome in the women's changing rooms, including lingerie, if that's where they feel "comfortable".
But the fact it might make women “uncomfortable” is obviously completely irrelevant. No doubt their profits will suffer.

Whilst I agree that there's more to worry about in women's changing rooms, it doesn't make this acceptable because it's not as bad.

Send an email complaining to the company. The more complaints they receive, the more likely they are to change.

No-one wants to ban men from shops ffs just for them to stop loitering and looking shifty in female centric spaces. Surely thats not too much to ask.

So only banning them from womenswear shops then? Like Hobbs and Phase Eight? I don't think those shops would let me walk outside wearing the dress I’m trying on for DH to give his opinion! My favourite (sadly no longer there) lingerie shop used to keep a card of what I had tried on and liked and DH would go in and be able to buy the right thing in the right size for me for Christmas... but he shouldn’t have allowed into a lingerie shop should he......

Send an email complaining to the company. The more complaints they receive, the more likely they are to change.

This. Or write a letter. Or ask to speak to the manager when you're there and see it happen.

As PPs have said, it's the shops fault more than anything. Couples are entitled to shop together and men are likely to sit and wait wherever the shop puts seats.

A friend of mine was getting changed in a changing room that opened directly into the store when she tripped with her legs half out of her trousers and fell backwards into the full gaze of the queue for the tills, which included a dad from her kids school. Now that's embarrassing.

I’ve just told my dh about this and he said, regardless of whether he’s allowed or not there’s no way he’d sit in a women’s changing room invading women’s space. I should imagine most wouldn’t.