Men sat in women's changing rooms

[nycfrog]

AIBU to get annoyed with women who plop their (male) SOs on the stools/seating in changing rooms?

Yesterday I needed the store assistant to help me with the back of a dress - on the way out of the changing rooms I realised my bare back had basically been exposed to a random bloke sat at the entrance. I know the shop assistant probably could have been more discreet but aibu to think they could sit somewhere else?

John Lewis last week - man sat inside changing room as girlfriend/wife went to try on clothes. The staff told him to leave, nicely.

My mum always dragged us all out shopping as kids with my dad. It was very boring. I hardly ever do the same now, even less as the kids are older. I go with friends instead, plus online shopping is great. Friends are far more helpful than my DH and we can try things together which is far more fun, even swapping items to try that we both like. It’s pretty funny seeing all the men sat on their phones bored out of their minds waiting on their partners/daughters/mums to finish shopping.

I should imagine most wouldn’t

I don't even see why that's relevant. If the shop puts chairs there:

a) pervy men will grab the opportunity to sit there
b) men who haven't really thought about the whole thing will sit there oblivious
c) some men will choose not to sit there because they're more aware of things

End result is the same. Tell the shop manager how uncomfortable it makes women and ask them to move the chairs. Much more likely to have an effect than complaining on mumsnet.

Ooh goody another thread discussing the erosion of our sex based rights. 😤

@MiniMum97
My local M&S has been refitted. There are 2 seats (at least) inside the changing rooms. There are also seats - long benches actually - inside new look.

From your diagram it’s clear the seats were inside the changing rooms and any person seated there would have full view of all the changing rooms. Totally inappropriate.

Shopping, bite to eat, couple of drinks, perhaps some site seeing

Yup, we do that. However, if I want to start trying on clothes my husband will take himself off to the nearest Maplins. I don't want to go there any more than he wants to hang around ladies changing rooms.

What grim lesbophobia upthread.

I've got major issues with other people demonstrating sexual interest in me. Of all sex&sexuality combos, lesbians are in my experience least likely to unwittingly set this off. Because they get female-variant behavioural conditioning; and they also get 'hide your sexuality from straight women particularly in these scenarios' conditioning.

Just because someone's attracted to women doesn't mean they're male-socialised, ffs.

Yup, we do that. However, if I want to start trying on clothes my husband will take himself off to the nearest Maplins. I don't want to go there any more than he wants to hang around ladies changing rooms

That's fine. And some couples DO like to help each other shop for clothes. Neither of those is any more right or wrong than the other!

I know maplins has closed down. But ykwim.

My worst memory in dressing rooms was the friend of a teen girl laughing at me as the rooms had curtains and the inevitable gap. Haven't stepped foot in a changing room since.

@Baguetteaboutit

Oh yeah, because there is an industrial sized problem with lesbians encroaching on women's boundaries and objectifying them for sport at every turn - right? Right? confused No, that's right, they fucking don't so play your bullshit game elsewhere.

YAWNNNNN there's always SOMEone who has to say this.

@nycfrog YANBU. It pisses me off too. Why the hell do women have their men waiting outside (or inside) changing rooms for them? Do they have to get hubbzy's 'approval?' COAB!

A pp said that men shouldn't be in fe.alecentric areas, loitering and looking shifty. Just wondering how far she wants that taken

Away from areas where women are getting undressed, I imagine.

@57Varieties

Why do some posters bring lesbians into these discussions? It’s absolutely awful. Lesbians are women. They have every right to be in a space for women.

Yeah this. It's such a ludicrous analogy. How many 'lesbians' harass, or sexually assault, or abuse women on a yearly basis??? Hmmmm???

A lot of room have curtain gaps. DH would be horrified if o told him to sit inside the room. If we do go shopping together and go to try things on then the other will stay outside the changing room. To the point who had a male put his head under the partition at a changing village I really hope you kicked him square in his creepy peeping face!

What shop was this please? I have never seen a changing room with seats pointed directly into the area, they are always outside the changing areas.

Well if it was my husband, he'd have to be there because he can't stand for long. Are you suggesting that I shouldn't try something on because I have my husband with me? I presume you wear a tee shirt and leggings at the beach or in the swimming pool?

I presume you wear a tee shirt and leggings at the beach or in the swimming pool?

I actually know women who do just that.

OP, YADNBU

Changing rooms are for single sex changing. If people want their other gender other half to comment on what they’re trying in then step outside and do a twirl.

I would expect shop staff to enforce boundaries and if they didn’t then I would ask them to. If that failed, it would be shop manager and/or head office.

There’s just no need to do it any other way.

Well if it was my husband, he'd have to be there because he can't stand for long. Are you suggesting that I shouldn't try something on because I have my husband with me? I presume you wear a tee shirt and leggings at the beach or in the swimming pool?

You could have made your point in a perfectly neutral way without the final sentence linking your/your husband’s particular needs to your unpleasant attack in the OP.

Away from areas where women are getting undressed, I imagine.

No it wasn't. It was referring to lingerie and make up departments but broadened out to include any female centric space within a shop.

At a beach you know it will be both sexes. Noone is expecting a man sat in the women's changing room. What kind of weirdo male would even want to be there? I would have to put a gun to DPs head to get him to set foot in a women's changing room! Not that we go shopping together. Why would we? I don't need his opinion on my clothes and he would rather stick pins in his eyes than be dragged round a women's clothes shop.

81Byerley he could wait outside? Unless you're physically disabled and he has to dress you, in which case you have a choice between not having no accessible facility yourself, or rendering the facility inaccessible to women whose issues are psychological rather than physical; I'll happily support you in your campaign for a separate, unisex, disabled-accessible third space.

@MeridianB Unpleasant attack????

What shops do actually have changing rooms for those with a disability?

Yes. Your husband’s needs followed by a nasty jibe ‘presuming’ the OP wears leggings and T-shirt at the beach.

You and your husband have specific needs. Why does that mean the OP’s needs are secondary?

81Byerley common sense would say explain about your husband's mobility problems and just ask a sales adviser if they could bring the chair out of the fitting room briefly whilst you try things on. Sadly common sense seems to be missing at times in today's society.

This is insane! Where do you suggest my husband goes while I try something on in a shop he has no interest in - to browse the women’s clothes?! Or should he leave the shop altogether Incase someone wants the shop assistant to do up their dress and he accidentally glances a bit of their back?! Sitting outside the changing rooms is totally acceptable and YABVU.