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Original poster

Child Maintenance: When does it stop

249 replies

1stTimeMama · 03/11/2019 11:39

Wasn't sure where to post this, so please redirct me if needs be.

We pay CMS for my husbands son. He turned 20 in October, but is doing a level 2 BTEC at college. The CMS gave us an end date of the 1st October, but his Mum has been in touch today chasing her payments, and has said we are to pay until 1st November 2020.

As far as the internet tells me today, payments cease when the 'child' turns 20, regardless of if they're in education, and when they are no longer eligible for child benefit, also 20.

Could anyone please confirm where we now stand with payments please? We will of course call CMS as soon as possible, but we'd like some kind of answer sooner.

OP posts:
Cuppachino · 03/11/2019 20:42

And his mum just sucks up the cost of housing, clothing, feeding, transporting him?

Well yes. If she's not going to encourage a 20 year old man to find a job then it's her choice to pay all his bills isn't it?

zsazsajuju · 03/11/2019 20:42

Actually if he is in full time education it is no longer paid via CMS but your dh son or his mother could apply to the court for maintenance and he is still obliged to pay it. He has not met the minimum legal requirement- he is obliged to support his children in full time education.

I genuinely cannot understand parents who object to supporting their children in education and that won’t even meet their basic legal obligations. Feel so sorry for the son. We really need some child maintenance laws that are fit for purpose to make sure awful individuals like your dh meet their obligations.

Dollymixture22 · 03/11/2019 20:42

Cuppa - I am not sure of the responses would have been different. Education is important and a lot of parents will house and feed their children beyond 18 if they are still studying.

In fact I have never met anyone if my lifetime who has been kicked out of the family home or been made to pay room and board while in full time education after 18.

Should the mum alone have to pay for this? Surley that dad should step up.

Unless there is more to this story and the son isn’t really putting any effort in and is just avoiding grown up life.

hopefulhalf · 03/11/2019 20:43

I was supported until early 20's. They can't claim JSA or housing benefit until then. I don't think it's unreasonable. It would be a condition of any divorce settlement.

zsazsajuju · 03/11/2019 20:45

And he’s not an adult. The idea that your stepson should leave uni and get a job because his father is too lazy and greedy to support his child is repellent.

Frankola · 03/11/2019 20:46

OP hasn't said a word about them not continuing to support her husbands son. She merely asked about CMS payments to his mother. And rightly so, these should be stopping.

I also agree with the importance of teaching a 20 year old the value of money and earning his own money. I had a weekend job at 16 and my parents didn't just dole me out money as they wanted me to understand the importance of earning my own financial independence.

I don't see a problem with ending CMS but helping the son out when need be directly

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 03/11/2019 20:47

Well yes. If she's not going to encourage a 20 year old man to find a job then it's her choice to pay all his bills isn't it?

We’ve no idea what she is encouraging. By encouraging do you mean cut him off like his father is doing? That sort of encouragement? Kick him out and see if he sinks or swims? A 20yo who for whatever reason hasn’t managed to progress beyond GCSEs?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/11/2019 20:49

@hopefulhalf That's not true at all, you can claim JSA at 18 and even younger depending on your circumstances.

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 03/11/2019 20:50

I don't see a problem with ending CMS but helping the son out when need be directly

For him to give the money to his mother to cover his living costs?

Dollymixture22 · 03/11/2019 20:55

Frankola, op said her husband thought the payment should have stopped years ago.

There doesn’t seem to be an emotional attachment here, perhaps the dad isn’t in his life.

catspyjamas123 · 03/11/2019 20:56

The law on students is not fit for purpose. If I was still married my ex would be contributing to household finances and that would help fund DS. Instead my ex took 55% of joint assets - including a fund saved to support DS at uni. I am now supporting my DS out of my earnings while his dad drinks the cash that should have supported his son. Apparently this is all “fair” in the English legal system! Ha!!

Cuppachino · 03/11/2019 20:57

We’ve no idea what she is encouraging. By encouraging do you mean cut him off like his father is doing?

Really? Is that what you think encouraging means? I'm not going to spell it out for you.

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 03/11/2019 20:57

@Frankola
OP hasn't said a word about them not continuing to support her husbands son. She merely asked about CMS payments to his mother.

OP said this

My husband thinks it should have stopped years ago. He's an adult, and should support himself as such.

So yes- they mean to stop any support for him altogether.

doublebarrellednurse · 03/11/2019 20:58

I mean if you want to be the kind of parents who only contribute cause they have to then it'll be pretty soon for you.

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 03/11/2019 20:58

Really? Is that what you think encouraging means? I'm not going to spell it out for you.

I think you should- otherwise I’ve no idea what you mean that you think the mother isn’t doing?

Pixxie7 · 03/11/2019 21:11

Unless stated otherwise via divorce settlement, it stops either when they have completed full time education or the age of 20.

carly2803 · 03/11/2019 21:23

personally it should be to 18, so the child goes either to university (therefore able to work/get loans ), or gets a full time job. either or.

your husband is correct.

i say that as a mother who does not expect maintance after 18 for my child!

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 03/11/2019 21:27

personally it should be to 18, so the child goes either to university (therefore able to work/get loans ), or gets a full time job. either or.

My son will be 18 a year and 2 months before he starts university and receives any loan funding. What should be do during that last year of school to feed, house, clothe and transport himself if his parents aren’t responsible for him?

Frankola · 03/11/2019 21:28

@IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory Following the CMS sysyem then yes. At 20 years old CMS payments should stop and there is no requirement to pay his mother for his living costs.

In this situation the son should get a part time job to help to pay his mother towards his living costs.

As per my post, I don't agree he should stop support altogether, but at 20 any payments should be going to him.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 03/11/2019 21:32

I agree payments should be going to him, but I also think that you don't suddenly reach a point where you no longer support your child.

My parents helped me get a job at 16. I stayed on to do A Levels, went to University and worked throughout. They also paid for pretty much everything til I left University because their attitude was that I was still their responsibility, and I think DH and I will take the same path with the DC.

TrainspottingWelsh · 03/11/2019 21:34

Since when did being a parent mean doing the minimum the law allows?

We've had full custody of dsd for years, she's currently at uni. Should we cut her off and rent out her room because she's 18 and the law says that we don't have to support her financially or home her, or continue to act like parents in anyway?

To even it up, as dd is dps dsd, we'll drop all parental duties to her except the minimum the law says we have to provide. 3yrs of baked beans and a roof over her head and we're done.

Silly us to think we should parent any differently when clearly dc are like council tax bills where you pay the required amount resentfully.

Lellikelly26 · 03/11/2019 21:58

My mum couldn’t afford to help me much when I was younger so if I wanted something I had to work. She did help when she could but tbh she doesn’t over do it.
I’m not sure where I stand as I think at some point children need to take responsibility but also need help? I don’t think anyone should be forced to support adult DC, and it does sound as though he’s messed about for years not doing anything useful.
I’ve mixed feelings OP but I can see why you are fed up as paying CM for a 20 year old seems too much. Helping them out personally is more appropriate

TSSDNCOP · 03/11/2019 22:01

Since when did being a parent mean doing the minimum the law allows

Absolutely this. It’s like there are people they say “happy 20th birthday” and at the same time cancel the cms standing order.

larrygrylls · 03/11/2019 22:05

OP,

He is an adult and, in my opinion, parental obligations should end at 18 (I know that legally it is more complex).

However decent parents will continue to support their children through uni. This should be direct to the (adult) child though who can then negotiate payments to whomever he is living with independently.

I think it is really important for young adults to realise that they are no longer children and have to take on some real adult responsibilities (such as negotiating finances) and not rely on Mummy talking to Daddy. Earning at least some money in their free time (which will vary depending on the course) is also a reasonable expectation.

I do wonder whether a 20 year old doing a few days a week in a very average qualification is there for the qualification or to continue to qualify for benefits; both sides can abuse the system.

Sotiredofthislife · 03/11/2019 22:22

I do wonder whether a 20 year old doing a few days a week in a very average qualification is there for the qualification or to continue to qualify for benefits

FFS. You’ve never made a mistake or changed your mind or found out that something you thought would be amazing is actually rather dull? Plenty of young people leave school at 16, decide on a way forward, pursue that for a year and then decide that actually, it’s not for them. They then restart on a different course the following year and thankfully, the system has a little slack in it that allows for that. Or they do 2 years and realise it’s not for them. Or work for a couple of years and decide to pursue something at college or 6th form. They’re still young, not in a position to work full time and most parents are happy for their young adult children to remain at home for as long as it takes to find their adult feet.