Told I look like a man wearing makeup

[Smellbellina]

To be fair I did ask and DD only answered honestly, which is better than the alternative. I scrubbed it off and put my hair up in a ponytail, bunged on jeans, jumper and boots and went to the theatre with them —wearing my dog walking coat to make a point— now I know it’s not DD’s fault and I have told her this but I feel so ashamed. I try to make an effort and I look stupid, I make no effort and I am ugly. I tried to get out of going tonight as I just don’t want to be seen in public. This isn’t actually an option though (work) and I don’t want DD to feel bad although I do think she could learn to be kinder. At the same time I never want to eat or be seen in public ever again!

I won’t go to any makeup counters or makeup artists as I can’t bear the embarrassment of us both seeing my face slowly merge into a man’s and politely trying not to mention it.

You're attributing thoughts to the makeup artists which I'm certain they don't have.

You probably don't suit lipstick. Most people don't. Not biggie, just use some tinted balm, or nothing at all.

Makeup gets into your wrinkles? Don't use foundation. Tinted moisturiser, or a BB cream, or nothing at all.

A bit of eyeliner that you can smudge (like a kohl pencil) works well for most people, I find. And you can apply it just to the upper lid if you want. Perhaps some mascara, and a neutral eyeshadow if you feel like it. I'm sure that you won't look like a man.

"You probably don't suit lipstick. Most people don't."

Sorry, that should be "Many people don't." (I don't).

If this is her ‘being honest’ at 11, expect her to have no friends when she gets older.

Smellbellina - my only experience with a girl at a makeup counter (in Boots) had me coming away looking like Aunt Sally out of Worzel Gummidge!! I went back to work and straight into the loos, where I scrubbed it all off.
She'd managed to get actual blobs of mascara on the end of my eyelashes even!!

I'm like you OP. I had my make up done at Charlotte tilbury and looked like a bloody drag queen but then my knowledgable friend said go to Bobby Brown, which I did, and the lady was amazing. Just made me into a better version of myself. Very subtle but just sort of ironing out the bad bits and subtly highlighting the good.

I think th op likely knows she doesn't "need" to wear make up. No one does and we all know this. However it sounds like she wanted to. That's fine too.

As said, I really don't believe make up can turn a feminine face into a masculine one, not unless the make up is the wrong colours and too heavy. Make up is supposed to enhance. Blur skin imperfections, make lashes longer, cheeks slightly flushed and healthy, eye bags gone, none of that should make a feminine woman look masculine.

However heavy make up in the wrong colours can give the drag queen appearance.

Somewhere like Bobbi brown is great for a more subtle look as a pp said, even if you then look for similar products from a cheaper range. And there is nothing wrong with "wanting" to wear a bit of make up and enhance what you've already got.

What you could do OP, if you had spare couple of hundred quid is go and get your colours done.
Wearing the right colour can do a lot to soften and flatter your face. I'm not sure what it costs now. I am guessing at the price - I had my colours done years ago. It really does help. But of course buying those special colours is tricky - they are hard to find.

What point were you trying to make by putting your dog walking coat on to go out in if you weren’t trying to punish her? I think 11 is not too old to be taught about being tactful, but I don’t understand why you reacted by making yourself look worse by going out in your scruffiest clothes.

That point aside, a lot of men manage to look pretty good and indeed feminine wearing make up, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to use it to improve your looks if you learn to apply it properly. (Make up lesson or YouTube tutorials. )

my knowledgable friend said go to Bobby Brown, which I did, and the lady was amazing. Just made me into a better version of myself. Very subtle but just sort of ironing out the bad bits and subtly highlighting the good.

There was a lady at Body Shop who did this for me - I looked lovely! But I don't shop there any more and anyway she left about 20 years ago

What point were you trying to make by putting your dog walking coat on to go out in if you weren’t trying to punish her?

I think OP just felt "What's the point? I look like shite whatever I do - it's not worth trying to dress myself up - people will just laugh at me - I might as well dress like crap because that's all I am."

(BTW - YOU ARE NOT CRAP, OP - I AM SURMISING THAT THIS IS HOW YOU FELT BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HURT)

It's not trying to punish anyone - it's more feeling worthless and giving up trying.

Kids are cruel OP - they don't mean to be but they say things that cut you to the quick because they just don't realise the power of their words.

I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you - it was probably her idea of a "joke".

What's the point? I look like shite whatever I do - it's not worth trying to dress myself up - people will just laugh at me - I might as well dress like crap because that's all I am.

Thank you @SchadenfiendeUnmortified
this was exactly how I felt, I wasn’t trying to punish DD I was just spent and had a no fucks left to give moment.

Op you have two problems here (and neither of them are looking like a man).

1. You need to tackle your self esteem issues. Everybody deserves to feel beautiful. Try buying a Louise Hay book and doing her exercises.

2. Your daughter needs to understand it's not ok to say things she knows are hurtful and unkind. I think your reaction was unhelpful, confusing and way ott. A simple "honey, that's mean. You have hurt my feelings" would have been more appropriate imo.

I had my eyebrows tinted recently, dd10 asked why did I get mans eyebrows??

A gentle word to her is enough, she is a child.

You’re reaction as an adult is less forgivable, you were projecting and that’s not ok.

Nothing wrong with dressing up and not wearing makeup, doesn’t need to be all or nothing.

I think the real issue here OP is your self esteem, and that needs work and will not improve unless you work on it, and that means giving yourself a break and breaking out of the feelings of hopelessness and that you 'look like a man'. It's very unlikely that you do, your DD at 11 is old enough to know not to say things like that and frankly, what on earth does an 11 year old know about makeup and looking good as an adult anyway- quite literally nothing, it isn't worth getting hung up on.

I would instead get some CBT or similar, it sounds like you are so down on yourself that it is unhealthy and impacting your happiness. Nothing you do to your appearance is going to fix the underlying issue and it seems like you are in such a hole with it that you would feel you looked awful whatever you did.