Told I look like a man wearing makeup

[Smellbellina]

To be fair I did ask and DD only answered honestly, which is better than the alternative. I scrubbed it off and put my hair up in a ponytail, bunged on jeans, jumper and boots and went to the theatre with them —wearing my dog walking coat to make a point— now I know it’s not DD’s fault and I have told her this but I feel so ashamed. I try to make an effort and I look stupid, I make no effort and I am ugly. I tried to get out of going tonight as I just don’t want to be seen in public. This isn’t actually an option though (work) and I don’t want DD to feel bad although I do think she could learn to be kinder. At the same time I never want to eat or be seen in public ever again!

She just isn't used to you with make up on!

I remember when I was about 10 or 11, I cried because my mum got a perm. Luckily she laughed and told everybody her new hair was so bad it made her family CRY.

Oh don't listen to an 11 year old. I have one of those...took him to his sister trick or treating on Thursday. They dressed up, I didn't. My ds told me I looked the most scary out of all of us

And his sister that should read

Strong eyes or lips not both 🙂 both together can look a bit much and overwhelming.

Your DD was very rude but you were childish and 'punished' her for rudeness by deliberately wearing the worst clothes you could find.
Why give a child that much responsibility over how you look? It's unfair she's damned if she tells you that you look good when you think you look bad and damned if she tells the truth because you throw a strop and make everything awkward.
My DD sometimes says 'Mum I don't like that dress' or similar and I say ' That's a shame but I do and it's my body so I'm wearing it'. I extend that same rules to her too. If I don't like her hair or her clothes tough luck they're not mine to comment on.

My DD told me I look like morticia this week ‘ you look like morticia everyday mum haha’, Maybe I do, black hair and red lips and nails. Kids can be thoughtless.
did you suggest the thing about looking like a man? Or has she been watching Ru Paul’s drag race? These things could have put the thought into her head.
Either way I think you need to explain it’s not kind and she needs to think about the effect Her words had on you.

Honestly speaking I do actually look very male and masculine with make up on, it’s really weird lol! I’ve learnt I can only wear minimal stuff as a base like concealer mixed with moisturiser then keep it too a natural pink for lips and cheeks, mascara and some eyebrow gel and that’s it. Anything else and I genuinely look like a drag queen 😂

There may have been underlying security issues here even if your dd did not realise it. Why is mum wearing make-up? Does she want other people to notice her? Is she moving away from me? I love my mum with her natural beautiful face and I don't want her moving away and being different. I don't like her with make-up. I don't think it suits her.

We were in WHSmiths one day, when my eldest was about 10, and she suddenly piped up "look mum it's you". It was an image of Dawn French on the cover of her Autobiography (I look nothing like Dawn French, at all).
Fast forward a few years and we're watching Harry Potter. My youngest daughter pipes up and tells me I look like Snape! (I look nothing like Snape at all). I just make a joke of it, and still occasionally wear a Snape t-shirt. To redress the balance, a friend's teenage daughter recently told me she had started watching Desperate Housewives and said "you're so like Teri Hatcher" (I'm nothing like Teri Hatcher). So don't take it to heart, it was just a silly comment and I'm sure you don't look like a man in make-up, although I'm also curious about how you apply your make-up as it could be you just need to tone it down a bit.

So you set up your daughter and when she answered the way you didn't want her to, you had a huff and dressed down to make your point - while also saying you didn't want her to feel bad. nice bit of passive-aggressive confusing nonsense there from you.

Don't take your self-esteem issues out on your kids.

Could it be how you put it on.I have a very attractive friend but when she goes out she looks like a drag artist .

Yes, children are not at all objective about how their parents look. They want them to look like 'Mum' and 'Dad' i.e. the comforting figures they've always known at home, for the rest of their lives and in every situation.

I remember choosing a very facially unflattering photo of my mum to share with a penfriend, when a few years older than your dd, because I liked the dress she was wearing and thought she looked very 'herself'. She was horrified because she looked quite cross in that picture, which I hadn't even noticed!

Children are basically selfish. They want their mum to look like 'Mum' in her most 'mum' clothes. It's comforting and aligns with their notion of ownership.

My 9 year old dd hates make up and has told me she doesn't like it when I wear it. She got very short thrift and now knows to not comment. Not sure she realised she was being rude but she does now!
Your dd needs to know not to say things like that. I bet you look lovely too, with and without it.

Sorry OP but you need to grow a thicker skin, you've still got the teenage years ahead. Next time try to just laugh/ignore. Kids come out with all sorts of crap. The key issue seems to be that you don't feel good about yourself this is what you need to work on. Be kind to yourself, get to where you're feeling good about yourself and never ask kids for an opinion on your looks.

Pinkypurple35

My DD told me I look like morticia this week ‘ you look like morticia everyday mum haha’,

I would take that as a compliment.

I would also take the mortician comment as a compliment. Watched Addams family this week with the DC and couldn't get over how stunning she was

Yikes - she sounds exceptionally rude.

I'm not sure what OP wants to hear.
Maybe she needs to do more hair removal? Maybe she needs a more padded bra?

I wouldn't care if a woman looked like a man.

She was rude. Unless you are actually a man. In which case she was honest.

Also, to anyone under about 22, everyone over 30 is ancient, so by definition, looks ancient. Anyone over 40 is living in an unimaginable twighlight of their years and has lost any relationship to the youthful concept of attractiveness.

OP I too have quite a masculine face. For this reason I avoid wearing eye make up or bright lipstick. I find using CC cream or a very light foundation, with minimal blusher sort of softens my features, but I don't look obviously made up.

Maybe a different hairstyle can help? I tend to keep mine shoulder length and wavy, again to try to soften my appearance.

We can't all look like supermodels, it's just the case of doing the very best you can with what you've got.

That said, I'm sure you don't look half as bad as she's made you feel. I think kids can be very insensitive at that age, my DS certainly was.

Check out Lisa Eldridge on YouTube as she does make up tutorials which make you look like you just look fresh, rather than made up.

@Smellbellina

You need to address your own issues here around your appearance. You reacted unusually IMO towards what your 11 year old DD said. Why does what an 11 year old says about your appearance make you feel so vulnerable? Why are you putting their opinion over your own? You then take it further saying you're ugly, don't want to eat or be seen in public again. This is extreme, and you need to see your GP to ask for help with your emotional reaction and self esteem issues.

I would never ask my teenage kids how I look, I wouldn't put them in that position. They do occasionally offer a compliment, then I know it's genuine. But also I like to think that I kind of know now how to make the best of myself. If I wasn't sure, I'd sort that out myself without asking a child to judge me on it. It's not OK to put that responsibility on them. If you need support in that way, ask a friend who can give tactful advice.

Like a pp, at 10 or 11 I cried when my Mum had a new haircut. I have a pic of her here with that haircut and she looks really pretty, but at the time I hated it. I hated the fact that she looked different I think, I found it unsettling. She’d had very long hair hair that she always wore pinned up as it was very fine, and she had it cut into a little bob, so it was very different.
My own dd is 12 and I think she would get upset if I changed my hair or looked very different, unless she had a lot of prior warning.
I think it is almost certainly just that OP.

It's your own fault. If you're so insecure in your appearance that you're relying on your eleven year old daughter to reassure you, you deserve a response like that. Eleven year olds are not there to prop up adults' fragile egos.

It was very mean of you to take off all your clothes and dress dowdily "to make a point'. You basically spoiled what should have been a nice positive evening. Your appearance is of no consequence, your behaviour and attitude matter a great deal however. You need to apologise to your daughter for having a tantrum and taking it out on her.

If you have a partner it's their job to compliment you, if you don't then you need to tell yourself you look great. Eleven year olds should be carefree not catering to their mother's neuroses about her appearance.

Also why did you mention eating in public? What's that about?