DH moved out today

[DHhasleft]

And DS2 is not coping. He is 10. Has completely shut down. At first he was on the sofa, refusing to come to bed, in the end I covered him with a blanket. He has since come upstairs into his room and been sobbing. I lay with him for a while, stroking his hair. When he had had enough I went back to bed. 10 minutes later he starts trying to kick his door in. Terrifying DS3. I managed to force my way in to his room and he hit and kicked me until pushing bast and running back downstairs. He's just screaming get away.

I don't know what to do, DS3 is in my bed and still awake wanting me to be with him. DS1 is in his room sobbing. I feel utterly helpless

Oh I’m so so sorry. I don’t have any useful tips at all I just wanted to send you a massive hug. This must be completely shit. Could you all sleep together or is DS2 not in a fit state?
A movie? Midnight picnic? Something to distract him while DS3 sleeps?

He is not in a fit state.

He's put a hole in the wall and is now hitting the sofa with a halloween decoration. I'm sat within earshot but out of harm's way

I am so sorry. Really not great. You don't say how old the others are... Is it worth pulling all 3 together in your bedroom, acknowledge today is a horrible day for each of them, asking what you can do to help ALL. And a plan for what going to do tomorrow

It's v hard if all very different ages and needs

I'm so sorry. I remember when my DM and DF split and the utter devastation I felt as a child (they split twice - first time I was 8). There really isn't much you can do but be there for them, I remember taking it out on my Mum because I was hurting even though I knew it wasn't her fault.

It will get easier for all of you.

I agree with PP pull them all in with you for the evening. O point trying to stick to a routine when it’s not a normal day.

They are 8, 10 and 13

OP-I am so sorry and sending virtual hugs. Is there another adult who could come and help? I hope that DS2 calms down soon. It sounds an incredibly stressful situation and I hope someone with more wisdom comes along soon.

Put the Tele on for background noise and distractions and move all 3 of you to sleep on the sofa if possible.
Good luck

DS2 will hurt the others if in together. I think DS3 has drifted off. DS13 is now watching TV. I've stuck a quiet film on the TV and the hitting has stopped. It is so late and he has a match in the morning, I'm worried about the lack of sleep

Will his dad answer if you call?

I assume he is NT?

It's an absolute shit situation but no excuse for such behaviour.

Does he usually behave in such an extreme manner?

NT?

No this isn't usual.

NT Neuro Typical .

Don’t worry about the match in the morning. If that’s a helpful thing to do in the morning, fine, if not it doesn’t matter.

Sounds like you are doing a fab job OP.

'Sounds like you are doing a fab job OP'

Thank you, it really doesn't feel like I am though I'm failing them all, there's one of me and three of them, I'm always going to be stretched.

I’m sorry OP. Not much help, but I don’t feel it sounds out of the ordinary. My son of a similar age is very gently, difficult to upset and doesn’t tantrum, but I can’t imagine how he’d behave if my DH left, I think he’d go berserk to be honest.

I remember as a child knocking for my close friend, obviously nobody text or anything in advance in those days, no mobiles. Her dad had just left and she was sobbing, I went in and comforted her, her older sibling was going absolutely crazy, screaming and smashing things. I’ve never seen them, before or since, be anything other than peaceful and lovely.

Your son is very young and probably just doesn’t have the communication skills to accurately describe his very mixed up feelings, and needs to get them out of his system. I think at this stage all you can do is be there for him and make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. How long has it been going on for?

Their father needs to be told to come over and deal with it, as he has caused the distress.

I think I'd call his Dad and ask him to speak to him. Or is there a grandparent or Aunt /Uncle who could call or who lives local and could come over for a chat to help diffuse ?

Sounds like you have things under control now. Well done

Calling DH not an option

Crunchymum - seriously - his world has just imploded, there is in my mind, no right or wrong way to react.

OP - you have done the right thing and let them all express themselves as they want to.

Big hugs - it gets better - hope you have a kingsize bed- mine slept me with for quite some time and even now when Dad does a dickhead thing still come for a cuddle.

Hold them tight, you will get through this one step and one breath at a time.

Has the H gone because he is abusive and it was necessary for the children's safety that he leave? I would recommend trying to get some professional help for the DC, at least some type of external support - do the schools have Place2Be or similar? Or is there a local drop-in centre?

I'm so sorry, OP. It sounds horrible.

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug op. You doing so well. Ds2 is hurting but lacks being able to talk about it due to his age etc. You so strong. It will get better in time x

Well done on calming him down

You are not failing them you are there for them

I think you sound bloody amazing.