Christmas Dinner issue...

[katycb]

So I'm hosting Xmas for us (family of 5 all kids under 7) and my parents/ in laws this year. I have invited my sister who is a strict vegan so was obviously going to make sure she had a decent vegan option. I understand that she doesn't like seeing meat as a centre piece so I offered to plate up separately so this wasn't an issue to which she said she would still feel uncomfortable, I then offered to cook a veggie meal to avoid this so she would have lots of choice and even if some stuff has dairy in it she shouldn't be distressed looking at it .. Apparently this isn't enough and she will only come if everything is Vegan... A part of me thinks that I want to compromise so that all my family can be there the other part thinks that I have already been really fair and there are 9 others to think about...she had then offered to come but not for the meal and I really don't know what to do. So aibu to just cook what we would normally have with a vegan option and plate up separately and say that's the compromise or should I cook a vegan meal for 10..

What the hell do she do when she goes out for a meal??? Only go to exclusively vegan restaurants,or does she arrive with an announcement that any orders made by tables around her be completely vegan too!!she is havin a laugh!!!

Final message from me on the subject (it's not the veganism itself that infuriates me, I have several long-term friends who are also long-term committed vegans or at least vegetarians). It's the fact it's suddenly become terribly trendy and woke or whatever the word is this week, as well as the constant attempts at proselytizing (great word - can you tell I lived in Northern Ireland for a wee bit?!) as well as the hypocrisy - pretending to save the planet by eating quinoa (and at the same time making it unaffordable, pretty much, for most of the poorer people living in those grain-rowing regions as it now all has to be exported so rich westerners can tell themselves they're doing the ethical thing....). I may need to take myself off for some chocolate to calm myself down (non-palm-oil containing, though that was not exactly easy to source! There's a perfect example - palm oil is vegan. Doesn't mean it's ethical or good for the planet. Or the poor bloomin' orangutans.)

@katycb
No screw that. She's BU, not you.
DH is vegan, we're not but don't eat a lot of meat.
Come Christmas he cooks and it's mainly vegan but we have a meat option as well - turkey, pigs in blankets etc.
That gets cooked separately and brought to the meal by the meat eater so he doesn't have to cook it, but still this way everyone eats what they like!
You can't just say no meat and everyone has to be vegan, not on.
There has to be some kind of compromise.
Nobody's forcing her to come.

I'm a vegan. I'm catering for Christmas this year and everything that I cook will be plant-based, but my mum will bring turkey and pigs in blankets. That's fine for me. Veganism is my choice. I don't expect other people to make the same choices.

Just seen this - that's like DH. Cooks everything plant based/vegan but if parents coming want turkey/pigs in blanket/meat gravy etc they bring it with them.

Remind her that you have stuck your neck out and she has declined your compromise (which in itself was extremely generous of you) but you have to consider everyone for Xmas Day lunch and it is not all about her. She either joins you all for a traditional Xmas Lunch (with her having her vegan one) or not at all.

Is she usually so self centred and selfish?

Op no way should you be blackmailed into cooking a whole vegan meal for everyone because of one person. I have been an vegetarian for over 20 years, my sister vegetarian for even longer and turned vegan 5 years ago. We were blown away that my MIL cooked an option for us last Christmas(I live on the other side the world and was home for the first time in 10 years and she invited my whole family so we didn’t have to split our day between families)

You sound lovely and what you have already offered is enough. Would be really interested to hear what she does when eating with family and friends? Are they only allowed vegan food around her? How does she cope when out in a restaurant with people near by eating meat etc.

Sounds like it’s more attention seeking than anything else.

Tell your parents that they've raised a very thoughtless ungrateful madam and ask them to take it up with her.
You focus on the guests that appreciate your hardwork.

I think one or two folk could calm down with the 'vegans are all twats' shit...

They aren't, any more than all women are bitches and all men arseholes and all kids brats...

That said, YANBU - I think its more than fair to offer to carve and plate away from the table, and to ensure there are vegan options.

I am not vegan, or even vegetarian, I cannot cope with the sight of carving meat off the bone at the table, it makes me gip (and no I am not a hypocrite I dont eat roast meat either. I eat sausages, you can carve as many of THOSE as you like in front of me, its bones I can't handle!), so I think that's a really generous offer tbh!

As far as 'would vegans cook meat'... I know some who would if you'd provided it, some who would let you cook meat in their kitchen and lots who wouldn't do either because the smell makes them heave or because they would have no idea how to cook it properly.

I spent several whole days on holiday with a vegan and mostly we ate vegan, but I ate meat in front of her and cooked it in the same kitchen as her.. and diary too.. and NOBODY DIED (well.. some pigs did).

She sounds really selfish. And who wants to eat vegan on Christmas day if you're non vegan

Either offer a vegan option or invite her after dinner. Nothing else you can do really. The other nine people arent going to want vegan food on christmas day!!!

How about she comes for pudding?

But the people saying the wouldn’t come for dinner if it was vegan are being completely ridiculous.

Really
Really?
So many vegan bashing threads at the mo
People like to make us out to be unreasonable, because they feel threatened,because deep down we all know it’s the only way to Save the planet
200/300 years form now the whole world will be vegan ,and pigs and cows you will visit in a zoo,no need for farmers to breed so many as none being eaten .
The future is vegan
Embrace it people.

But the people saying the wouldn’t come for dinner if it was vegan are being completely ridiculous.

Not being ridiculous at all Christmas is once a year and I want a traditional Christmas lunch on that day. I don't care if one of the guests is vegan, they don't have the right to dictate what all the other guests eat.

You wouldn't offer a vegan a turkey dinner so why would you offer meat eaters a vegan dinner? I think what you e offered is perfectly reasonable and she needs to meet you half way!
It's only right that you cater for her but she can't be so demanding.

This isn’t a vegan bashing thread though. Nowhere does it say anything negative about being a vegan or that the op wouldn’t accommodate this dietary choice.
It’s a thread bashing the OP’s sister who is being very unreasonable!

We are vegan and would never expect this. My in laws are kind enough to cook a vegan meal or vegan option, as is my mum, but if they weren’t I’d be happy to bring all of our own food. At larger dinner parties there tends to be a meat main, a vegan main, and salads/veg everyone can eat and I’ve never really though anything of it!

The issue isn’t your sister being vegan, it’s her being ridiculous. They’re lucky you’re hosting at all with 5 kids under 7!!

I think she should come round after the meal. Ideally, walking to you, in shoes made from sustainable fabrics, carrying a wicker basket of wooden presents wrapped in hessian.

I'd struggle with the vegan part @Whatagreytdoggo because I'd miss butter, honey, milk and eggs that will have been used. For most people cooking a vegetarian meal would be fairly easy, cooking a vegan meal is a whole different ball game.

Not read thread but as a vegan myself she is being ridiculous. Take her up on her offer of coming but not for the meal. I would actually tell her that you will be serving meat, you are happy to plate it up away from the table and provide her a vegan option but understand if she will not come for food.

I think you've been more than fair

Tell her she's welcome after the meal if she doesn't like the options

She sounds awful. Why invite her at all?

@pringlesfortea

Vegan bashing??
Really??
Really?

All I can see on this thread are plenty of vegans and vegetarians commenting on how selfish and ridiculous the OPs sister is being!

I know a lot of vegans and vegetarians and I have never come across anyone in real life who carries on like people claim in mumsnet threads...

Yep. That’s why it’s a vegan bashing thread. Post a story about an unreasonable vegan-and watch the carnivores froth.....

Why on earth should everyone else have to eat a vegan Christmas dinner because she is being selfish and wanting it all her own way? She can come after dinner (but by the sound of it may then complain about 'the stench of dead flesh') or not come at all.

For all those that ever pose the question 'why do people hate vegans so much?' This kind of behaviour (from a small minority) is a perfect example why!