Christmas Dinner issue...

[katycb]

So I'm hosting Xmas for us (family of 5 all kids under 7) and my parents/ in laws this year. I have invited my sister who is a strict vegan so was obviously going to make sure she had a decent vegan option. I understand that she doesn't like seeing meat as a centre piece so I offered to plate up separately so this wasn't an issue to which she said she would still feel uncomfortable, I then offered to cook a veggie meal to avoid this so she would have lots of choice and even if some stuff has dairy in it she shouldn't be distressed looking at it .. Apparently this isn't enough and she will only come if everything is Vegan... A part of me thinks that I want to compromise so that all my family can be there the other part thinks that I have already been really fair and there are 9 others to think about...she had then offered to come but not for the meal and I really don't know what to do. So aibu to just cook what we would normally have with a vegan option and plate up separately and say that's the compromise or should I cook a vegan meal for 10..

What a drama queen. I’d tell her not to come at all.

Another former vegan..
mostly raw vegan at that too so no “tofurkey”
And still low meat and dairy (making 3 dinners isn’t affordable nor practical neither was the amount of fruit I consumed)

You could’ve carved the turkey on my lap. I’m not eating it, I wasn’t the majority, I brought my own food unless we’d already sorted what I’d eat. If it’s a new thing I do suspect the lack of self trust or an elaborate show of “too holy for tho” rather than actually I just don’t want to eat meat. For me it was simply I don’t like meat much and I’m lactose intolerant.. I found this wonder lifestyle that claimed to fix other health problems.. it didn’t obviously.. And being mostly raw living alone I liked not cooking, the fruit n veg guy delivered weekly so even easier than shopping.

I think you've been very reasonable by offering to cook Vegetarian with plenty of vegan dishes. She is being unreasonable to not even accept that.

Could you just say that she can come after dinner if she likes OR you can cook veggie food with vegan options but that you'll need to know in good time because if she's not coming you'll have turkey?

she will only come if everything is Vegan

Tbh I'd be assuming with that response that she doens't actually want to come and is just trying (although failing) to be politer than saying "I don't want to come"

I am veggie (and try to be vegan but milk in my coffee and Brie are too good) and she needs to grow up and fuck off.

Enjoy your turkey in the middle of the table.

I have an issue with women taking their husband's surnames. I think it perpetuates inequality in our society and the history of this tradition harks back to when women were property. Do you think it's unreasonable of me to ask everyone to revert to their original surname if they want to spend Xmas day with me?

I think her offer to come after the meal is probably the best compromise. There needs to be some respect for other's values too.

Does she only go to vegan restaurants?

Does she go to dinner parties with her friends? Or are all her friends vegan?

How does she handle being around colleagues at work at lunch time?

She sounds precious and controlling

Hey sis,

Sorry you can't make it.

Have a lovely Christmas.

Tell her no problem and to enjoy Christmas at her house. You offered her great options and she is being this childish?

Honestly if it was me given how pathetic and stupid she is being, if she turned up that turkey would be smack bang in the middle of the table, regardless of her feelings. Be vegan all you want, don't expect the world to revolve around you.

She needs to visit post meal if she can't cope with meal time. How does she handle life if she sees work colleagues eating meat? Does she never go out!? She is bu

Agree with all PPs. Glad you are on the same page OP.

Does she not leave her house in case she sees a bus stop advert with chicken/cream/cheese/eggs on it?!

Tell her you are cooking meat and vegetables. If she wants you to cook a vegan main and ensure the extras are vegan friendly you will do that. If she isn’t happy with that wish the sanctimonious cow a merry Christmas and enjoy yourself without her there.

Seriously, she is allowed her priorities and ethics but they do not trump everyone else’s.

I would take up her suggestion of coming but not for the meal (perhaps arriving after dinner). Making a vegan meal for everyone might be great at another time, but it's not Christmas dinner, so those who can't eat Christmas dinner -whether through veganism. medical issues, religious restrictions, or they just don't like it - could reasonably expect to come and be included in the family get-together but not the meal. Especially someone who can't even stand seeing other people eat meat.

Your offers were very accommodating and yet she's still being demanding and attention seeking. I'd be saying sorry but you'll have to go somewhere else for dinner then.

We already do this. At Xmas we all eat vegetarian to accommodate one person. Nobody minds. When we go out with a vegan we all eat vegan. I guess we are not the kind of people who get too fussed.

“Ok see you after dinner then”

@katycb how did it go?

Wow, she is a very pushy person!

"...she had then offered to come but not for the meal and I really don't know what to do."

I say a resounding yes, come after food and stay as long as you like. Have some vegan nibbles and a proper vegan frozen meal in the freezer in case she changes her mind.

Am I right in saying there are 9 people, 5 of you plus two sets of parents, who are not vegan and one person who is?

Nine people should change to accommodate one?

No.

I would not be prepared to do any such thing. She can come after the meal, she can eat a different meal. She does not have the right to demand everyone else revolve around her. How childish.

Vegans. Don't you just love them. Like many people, we have drastically cut down on the amount of meat we eat, and we're lucky enough to be in the position that we can afford an occasional box of locally sourced, organic meat, fish and dairy produce. We know fine well that in the not-too-distant future meat will be only an occasional dietary choice, for many reasons. But do so many of them have to be so incredibly self-righteous all the time?

I got so infuriated with one a few weeks ago doing the whole virtue signalling thing that I left the conversation before I could point out to them one or two things about those fruit and veg they were happily munching - like, for example, the strawberries and tomatoes they were happily enjoying were almost certainly picked by Eastern Europeans in substandard accommodation having to get up and work all hours in all weathers; that almond milk they were pouring so self-righteously into their coffee was shipped here from thousands of miles away where coincidentally there have been massive fires this summer; and could they explain to me the real carbon footprint of that "vegetarian leather" coat they were wearing? (And while we were on the subject, what exactly was in that terribly pretentious sounding burger she was eating, because I didn't recognise a single ingredient, and I'm a reasonably good cook, veggie and animal protein based!) Not to mention those vitamin supplements they were quaffing - were they absolutely sure all of those tablets had been procured from sources that were ethically whiter-than-white?

I'll take them all a lot more seriously when they're the ones out in the fields or on their own allotment in all hours growing their own bloomin' produce!

I am vegetarian and would not dream of asking what your sister asked....make your normal meat meal and plate hers up without the meat...if she starts causing trouble ask her to shut up or leave

Warn her before the day so that she knows it's meat, and that you don't want any preaching from her

(I'm in my late 30's, been vegetarian since small child, and would never dream of expecting anybody to not eat meat...it's my choice to not eat meat, other people have their choice)

Don't bow to her demands, your meat eating guests will be looking forward to their traditional Christmas dinner ...

Postscript to the last message - I think you're being more than generous in your offer to cook her a vegan/vegetarian meal. I'd suggest the time-honoured tradition of playing a nice family game of Monopoly after the meal, but would the little counters have to be verified "vegan plastic" an' all?!

She’s nuts- and rude!
I would cook your roasties in oil and make sure there’s vegan gravy. Buy a vegan Christmas nut loaf thing. She’s then fully catered for.
If she’s such a snowflake that she can’t watch other people eating meat on Christmas Day, she’s better off spending the day alone.
You could say come after dinner, but what time do you eat? We eat Christmas dinner mid afternoon so a guest avoiding it would arrive at tea time.

She needs to meat you half way ha ha