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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas Dinner issue...

231 replies

katycb · 02/11/2019 21:21

So I'm hosting Xmas for us (family of 5 all kids under 7) and my parents/ in laws this year. I have invited my sister who is a strict vegan so was obviously going to make sure she had a decent vegan option. I understand that she doesn't like seeing meat as a centre piece so I offered to plate up separately so this wasn't an issue to which she said she would still feel uncomfortable, I then offered to cook a veggie meal to avoid this so she would have lots of choice and even if some stuff has dairy in it she shouldn't be distressed looking at it .. Apparently this isn't enough and she will only come if everything is Vegan... A part of me thinks that I want to compromise so that all my family can be there the other part thinks that I have already been really fair and there are 9 others to think about...she had then offered to come but not for the meal and I really don't know what to do. So aibu to just cook what we would normally have with a vegan option and plate up separately and say that's the compromise or should I cook a vegan meal for 10..

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/11/2019 21:31

I'd be disappointed too if my Christmas dinner was vegetarian or vegan. I eat plenty of both meals but if there's one day a year you want to be able to stuff your face with meat and dairy it's Christmas!

Your sister is being really unreasonable about this. Invite her for a (vegan) mince pie at another bit of the day.

Teachermaths · 02/11/2019 21:32

Sorry you are choosing not to join us Sister, hope you find somewhere vegan to eat.

bridgetreilly · 02/11/2019 21:36

I think you have offered some really good and fair compromises. Just cook the normal meal and she can come later. That's fine.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/11/2019 21:36

I could cope with a vegetarian Christmas dinner as there are lots of lovely veg to eat. Vegan, absolutely not.

The compromise is her coming later when it's all hidden in the fridge.

MsJaneAusten · 02/11/2019 21:37

I'm a vegan. I'm catering for Christmas this year and everything that I cook will be plant-based, but my mum will bring turkey and pigs in blankets. That's fine for me. Veganism is my choice. I don't expect other people to make the same choices.

Short answer: YANBU.

OrangeTwirl · 02/11/2019 21:39

she will only come if everything is Vegan

She is free to stay at home and cook her own dinner. Don't give this another thought OP. We all make our own choices

Justmuddlingalong · 02/11/2019 21:43

Oh well. That's a pity. Perhaps another time.

Drum2018 · 02/11/2019 21:44

You have been very generous with your options for her. She's been totally ungrateful and unreasonable and really doesn't deserve a place at your table now. Let her call over after dinner if she wishes. And I wouldn't be hiding food out of sight. She's a bloody drama queen.

MrsToothyBitch · 02/11/2019 21:45

Have her round for the meal. Plate hers up in the kitchen & make her eat in the loo. She's being massively unreasonable to dictate to such an extent. If she has so many issues with what she must've realised would likely be a meaty meal as no one else is veggie or vegan, she shouldn't have accepted the invite. You're effectively mass catering to feed one person if you do it her way. You're being put to more got her feeding her separately but at least it'll all be appreciated!

I think you've been very accommodating and occasionally people have to just accept they're in the minority and can't have their way. It's not like you haven't given her options.

bookwormsforever · 02/11/2019 21:45

Cheeky cow! Her choices do not trump everyone else’s.

Ask her to come round after lunch or ask her to bring her own food. She’s bonkers.

EmJay19 · 02/11/2019 21:46

She’s being unreasonable. I’m veggie and usually take or offer to take a premade nutroast to Sunday /Xmas dinners. No expectations but just a hope that host has cooked some potatoes not in animal fat. I’d tell her everyone else looking forward to traditional Xmas dinner and ask her to reconsider..

ForalltheSaints · 02/11/2019 21:47

Well at least you have one dilemma solved- what to buy her for Christmas, the new Morrissey album. He's the only person who I am aware who will insist everyone has a vegan meal if he is eating with them, and indeed at his gigs.

YANBU to refuse to bow to your sister's wish.

rookiemere · 02/11/2019 21:47

Got to think of your other guests. If all was on offer in Christmas Day was a vegan meal, I'd stay at home thanks. You've offered a number of compromises, she has refused them, I can't see what else you can do.

MrsEricBana · 02/11/2019 21:49

You have been more than accommodating and she is being ridiculous. Definitely say I'm afraid I can't do the whole meal vegan so please join us afterwards. We have family members who have extreme dietary requirements that change each visit too and we don't meet over meal times now.

MollyMorals · 02/11/2019 21:49

Nope. Have meat if you wish. You’ve offered a different dish and have catered for her. Out of curiosity are all her clothes and toiletries vegan? Is every part of her furniture and soft furnishings strictly vegan? If they aren’t then she’s an arse.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 02/11/2019 21:49

I'm vegan and think she's being unreasonable to even suggest everything be vegan, but reasonable to say that if not she'll just come later. So on the fence a bit really!

PumpkinPie2016 · 02/11/2019 21:51

YANBU - you have offered more than one reasonable compromise so that she can join the dinner and have her wishes respected. She is being majorly unreasonable to try to insist everything is vegan!

Even if she went to a restaurant, there would be meat/dairy around (unless, of course it was a vegan place!).

She has a choice whether or not to attend but she does not get to dictate everyone else's dinner.

morriseysquif · 02/11/2019 21:51

Give her a blindfold to put on during dinner, bloody self indulgent diva.

Pomegranateseeds · 02/11/2019 21:51

I’m surprised no-one else has said this...I don’t think she wants to come and is just using that as the reason.

PatchworkElmer · 02/11/2019 21:51

I’m a vegan- I wouldn’t expect this!! I would feel a bit 🤢 staring at a turkey carcass whilst eating, (but I’d cope)- however you’ve been very considerate and removed that issue.

Just have her round later.

Scarydinosaurs · 02/11/2019 21:52

I think she’s totally missed the point of Christmas: family.

Bettyrubblespumps · 02/11/2019 21:52

she will only come if everything is Vegan

Oh well, see you after lunch then sis Grin

Absolutely ridiculous - you've been more than accommodating. Does she only ever eat at vegan only restaurants? Doesn't she visit supermarkets as there are meat/diary products there?

There is no way I'd be pandering to this.

SunshineAngel · 02/11/2019 21:53

My god, the cheek of this.

It's really nice of you to offer her a vegan alternative. Other than that, do everything as you would. If she doesn't want to come, she doesn't have to. She can come after, when you've finished eating.

Walnutwhipster · 02/11/2019 21:54

Tell her to fuck off. If she wants to eat vegan and is offended by looking at not only meat but dairy products she needs to eat elsewhere. CF!!

cosytoaster · 02/11/2019 21:54

Another YANBU from a vegan!

You've been fair and she's being ridiculous.

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