Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up and disappointed by no proposal.

554 replies

PrettyTricky · 02/11/2019 09:28

This is quite lighthearted, but at the same time I feel quite miffed and a bit wtf?!

So, we've been together almost 6 years. We have been speaking about getting married and plan to next year though no date set. For months now my partner has been going on non stop about buying a ring, which apparently he now has in his possession- he keeps talking about it every day and saying how he can't wait to propose and that it will definitely be before Christmas. This has been going on since September now, and he mentions it all the time. All good. Was just waiting for the moment. Have kind of wished he would stop going on about it so much and just do it, but have tried to be patient.

We've had a lot going on the last while and made a big move to another part of the UK in summer which I have found particularly difficult. This week we went home for half term, and were child free as my dc was staying with family. I had been looking forward to this week SO much, and it's been fantastic. Weeks ago he made a big song and dance about booking a lovely restaurant while we were here which we went to last night, very romantic and one of my favourites. I had it in my head that this was definitely going to be the proposal, there could be no better time. He even hinted as much and I felt certain as it's the last time we will be child free before family visit at Christmas.

You know what's coming don't you? Well, I was all dressed up, all excited, thinking - this is IT. I swear every time he moved my stomach flipped over, starters came and went, main courses, dessert.....I even had a cup of tea to drag it out a bit in vain hope. Had a lovely time, but NOTHING. No proposal. No ring.

We go home tomorrow and are all booked up meeting friends and family today, so it won't be today. I've been quite irrationally miffed since we got back last night and I'm just thinking....would you just get the fuck on with it. He has the ring, I want to set a date and get planning, he had the perfect opportunity. What's the problem? We're in our forties, I'm over the faffing about, it's tiring, just ask already. It's not like he's gone off it, as this morning he's already been going on about how much he can't wait to marry me. It's all I could do not to shout "well bloody ask me, you twat".

I almost feel like he's spoiled it now, especially with the constant going on about it, it's just grating, and my enthusiastic 'oh I can't wait' responses are fast drying up and becoming 'just fucking do it would you, as I'm not getting any younger' (in my head clearly, I'm still trying to have good grace, but there's only so long I can keep it up).

Aibu to be disappointed and feel like it's just getting silly now?

OP posts:
Kittenbittenmitten · 02/11/2019 09:44

This is not light hearted. If it bothers you ask him or break up with him. He sounds annoying. You'll get your answer regarding how seriously he takes the relationship if you break up with him.

ChilledBee · 02/11/2019 09:44

For months now my partner has been going on non stop about buying a ring, which apparently he now has in his possession- he keeps talking about it every day and saying how he can't wait to propose and that it will definitely be before Christmas. This has been going on since September now, and he mentions it all the time. All good. Was just waiting for the moment. Have kind of wished he would stop going on about it so much and just do it, but have tried to be patient.

Kind of off topic but isnt it weird to plan a proposal like this? I know loads do but I don't think that is the idea. It is meant to be sort of a surprise, no? I mean of course you discuss views on marriage but planning when it will be just seems odd to me. Contrived.

Eventrider1 · 02/11/2019 09:45

I picked out my engagement ring and my now husband made me wait 2 years before he gave it to me! I knew he had it that whole time as he ordered it while we were in the shop 😂
However, he had his reasons for waiting. We weren't living together (I was still living at home with parents) and he wanted to wait until we had a house together but the sales kept falling through which dragged it out for the 2 years.
Eventually, a month after we finally moved into our first house, he chucked the box at me on Valentine's Day and day 'here you go'. So romantic! 😂😂

Singlenotsingle · 02/11/2019 09:46

So already this morning he's been going on about he can't wait to marry you? I think I would have said, "Well, just hand over this ring then, and we can start planning".

Tbh, my DS didn't actually propose until after the wedding had been booked, dress bought and catering arranged.

AngelsSins · 02/11/2019 09:46

Eugh, I could not be bothered with this. Frankly he sounds like he’s on a power trip and enjoying keeping you in this state. Just tell him to stop going on about it.

misspiggy19 · 02/11/2019 09:46

We have been speaking about getting married and plan to next year though no date set. For months now my partner has been going on non stop about buying a ring, which apparently he now has in his possession- he keeps talking about it every day and saying how he can't wait to propose and that it will definitely be before Christmas.

^What is the point of the proposal? You’ve already discussed it, know he has the ring and now waiting. Waiting for what exactly?

Eventrider1 · 02/11/2019 09:47

Posted before I had finished!
But yes, I would be annoyed in your position. Why make such a song and dance about going out for a meal if he had no intention of proposing. I would maybe mention it to him and say how you feel. Maybe he is not aware how frustrating it is.

Original poster
PrettyTricky · 02/11/2019 09:47

It is tiring. He's very romantic and it's clearly very important to him to propose and present me with this ring. I just don't know if he's waiting for some magical moment.

I don't want to spoil it, but I'm actually so over it now that when it happens I'll just feel relief that he won't have to go on about it anymore. I feel I may crack today and say how disappointed I am and that he can just stop going on about it. We are normally very good at communication, but this is getting farcical.

OP posts:
RedSheep73 · 02/11/2019 09:48

Yanu to be disappointed - but wtf is going on, though? if you have jointly made a decision to marry, you ARE engaged. Where does this proposal thing come in? why did you not go out and choose a ring together and start wearing it and planning your actual wedding?

Or am I just Mrs Unromantic? I'm pretty sure if I'd waited for a romantic proposal we'd never have got married at all!

Ravenrob · 02/11/2019 09:48

This would really annoy me. Just ask him when he plans to give you the ring. My partner and I recently picked out my engagement ring and I know he's giving it to me on my birthday. It doesn't need to be a big surprise.

priceofprogress · 02/11/2019 09:48

All this faffing around... we discussed marriage and a general timeline in mind, then both shut up about it, a year later when we roughly both had expected to get engaged, DH proposed. Still felt like a huge surprise as I didn’t know when or how he’d do it, but I couldn’t have been doing with it being brought up every five bloody minutes beforehand. What’s his expectation of how you’ll respond when he says these things? That you’ll just kinda go ‘yeah, sounds great’ while you both are fully aware he has all the power and control and you’re kinda passively waiting for him to bestow this ring upon you? How farcical. Does he expect you to get all excited and giddy about the idea of a proposal at some point that you know is coming? Without actually doing it? At your ages with kids!?

I think if he did it much more I’d be letting him know the more he banged on about it without actually proposing the less inclined i was becoming to accept. Being so wishy washy and manipulative and weird/almost childlike isn’t really an appealing quality in a husband.

Loopytiles · 02/11/2019 09:49

In what ways is he “very romantic”? The way he has treated you over this isn’t at all romantic!

MrsEricBana · 02/11/2019 09:49

I get it. I would hate that too. Next time he mentions it say "Look, you know I love you but please do not mention the ring/proposal again until you are doing it as you are upsetting me".

alittlequinnie · 02/11/2019 09:49

The trouble is your perfect moment might not be his perfect moment.

I was the same as you, imagined being all dolled up in some posh restaurant..

.. my now DH kept me dangling too - so that he could proper surprise me.

He certainly did - in the end he came into my office and proposed there! Was not expecting that!

He did a lot of ring talking and showing me rings and we even had photos of different rings on my finger! He also said he was "going" to propose a lot too.

I feel for you becasue I am really impatient but he might be donig exactly what my DH did and picking his own moment.

ChilledBee · 02/11/2019 09:50

Or hes doing this:

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/man-proposes-secret-engagement-month-edi-okoro-cally-read-a9090376.html

I'd check his phone.

Witchinaditch · 02/11/2019 09:51

If he wanted to propose he would.

Loopytiles · 02/11/2019 09:51

Also hate the idea that if a man behaves like this and the woman tells him how it’s made her feel, that she’s “spoiling it”.

Spoiling his inconsiderate behaviour and dangling a carrot!

Newbie1981 · 02/11/2019 09:52

It's weird that he keeps going on about it. He's maybe not sure about his ring choice so is hyping it up to convince himself!

Don't worry about the no baby free time because he's probably arrange sitters secretly so there is still hope!

Let us know when it's done

BrokenWing · 02/11/2019 09:52

You have had a mature grown up conversation and agreed to be married, the proposal/decision is already done. If waiting for him to do the theatrical nonsense of asking again and handing over the ring is causing you prolonged upset if doesn't matter if he's quite definite that he thinks the man should propose tell him this isn't working for you.

Whitleyboy · 02/11/2019 09:54

Blooming heck, I couldn't be doing with all that drama. If he's talking about it all the time and waiting to surprise you then how is that going to work?

Doesn't sound like romance to me. It makes me think of a drama llama and someone who wants to take control of everything. What an irrritating idiot!

Newbie1981 · 02/11/2019 09:54

When you say he's missed two perfect opportunities, that's not true. He has it planned so he isn't going to change it just because the beach walk etc was nice. That wasn't his plan!

64sNewName · 02/11/2019 09:54

He’s very romantic

Well, maybe he thinks he’s very romantic. But this behaviour really isn’t.

PonteLaCorona · 02/11/2019 09:55

You are being very very patient.

He's clearly excited but all this going on and no result would have spoiled my excitement by now.

In the greater scheme of things though, Christmas isn't that far away so perhaps you could look at some venues/caterers/florists while you wait, agree on a date etc (next year will be getting booked up now so there's an excuse). There is nothing stopping you planning, and this way he gets his moment too.

hammeringinmyhead · 02/11/2019 09:55

I think in his head he is going to be filled with lovely aren't-I-great feelings when he proposes and he's bringing it up all the time for a mini buzz.

GladAllOver · 02/11/2019 09:55

He's not romantic. He's a tease. And he's demonstrating his control over you.
Not a good start to a marriage.