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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many hours your DP spends playing videos games

470 replies

Cchick · 01/11/2019 19:21

Just what the title says really.

My partner spends maybe 15-20 hours a week on average (sometimes he can spend 12 full hours!) and I was wondering how many your partners spend. I mean he's playing the games with other people, so is this normal in other households too?

FYI, we don't have any children yet and we aren't married yet. I'm just very worried that if we do marry and have kids, the family would come second to gaming. Everyone says to look out for red flags and I'm wondering if this is one?

Long story short, how many hours do your partners spend gaming and has it reduced since marrying and having children?

TIA!

OP posts:
RoseToes · 01/11/2019 22:12

Probably about an hour

KindOranges · 01/11/2019 22:12

I’m always surprised gamers get any sex, far less that anyone wants to marry them.

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 01/11/2019 22:13

My DH used to play fifa for maybe 5 hrs a week before we had kids. None since. In fact, he sold his PlayStation when DD1 was a baby because he never used it anymore.

I actually know a couple who got divorced because he didn’t stop the hours and hours of gaming after they had a kid.

Miaowing · 01/11/2019 22:13

See this is odd.

My DH has never played a computer game in his life.

I spend probably 20-30 hours minimum whilst away in a hotel and commuting by train weekly - we’re taking RPG games which can consume you

And probably another few hours playing candy crush or similar

I don’t play if it affects my home life but if it doesn’t, meh, it’s between me and my PC

He will never understand what I mean when I say I’m playing a human fighter mage and about to take a dungeon!

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 01/11/2019 22:20

"I’m always surprised gamers get any sex, far less that anyone wants to marry them."

Shows what you know. I'm always amazed snidey cows can find anyone to marry them, but MN tells me differently.

gamerchick · 01/11/2019 22:21

I’m always surprised gamers get any sex, far less that anyone wants to marry them

It was a close call, but I think you win the internet tonight for the daftest comment. Bravo man Grin

SallyWD · 01/11/2019 22:21

Zero

Crede · 01/11/2019 22:22

It nurtures creativity and enhances imagination, learning, knowledge and vocabulary
Gaming can do that too. Depends on the games you choose. Some games let you be very creative, some are quite text heavy.

Original poster
Cchick · 01/11/2019 22:22

Well this thread has taken quite the turn...

Thank you to all who have stayed on topic - your answers and advice have been very helpful!

OP posts:
InsertFunnyUsername · 01/11/2019 22:23

DH doesn't game but he sky sports!

Like anything the activity wouldn't bother me, but how much it consumes their life would. Gamers get a bad rep because of how obsessed some people get with a game, But TV watchers can be just as bad. We could have set the place alight and my DF wouldn't have noticed if he was in front of the tv.

Croquembou · 01/11/2019 22:24

I do think all the snidey 'nones' on here might be reminded that using MN probably isn't going to win them a Nobel prize. People waste time in all manner of ways.

littlecabbage · 01/11/2019 22:28

None. I would not marry and have kids with someone who games like you describe.

Worlds0kayestmum · 01/11/2019 22:28

None for my current partner although he goes fishing a lot which is quite singular and time consuming.

My ex husband would game all day every day. He still does now and our DD says she rarely spends time with him when she's at his house which I find sad

HenSolo · 01/11/2019 22:32

Just popping in to say a quick get a life to the snidey rude people judging people who game. Everybody has a past time or hobby and just because it doesn’t match yours or you’ve never tried it doesn’t mean you need to be so awful about it.

For the record my partner has never gamed. I used to play for hours before kids, now I never do. I plan on gaming again when they are older and I have some spare time. If you’ve never tried it, try some RPGs. The greatest ones have stories to rival the best films and books. And I love films and books too. Yes you can do all three! Shock

Pinkbonbon · 01/11/2019 22:34

If you think gaming doesn't 'nurture creativity and enhance imagination' then I don't know what games you've been playing.

Look at the world of red dead redemption two for example - it's beautiful. You can be a cowboy on the open road, capturing gorgeous wild horses or just taking in a sunset. It's actually inspired me to write a short story set in those days.

Or games like Zelda where you have to complete mental challenges in order to proceed through the dungeon. You have a to use and develop your creative skills to figure out how to proceed.

Gaming isn't all shooting and football or candy crush, there's some much beauty, adventure and wonder to behold in it. And if you can't see that, i can only assume you haven't looked.

SunshineAngel · 01/11/2019 22:34

I can't say how many hours per week, as it does vary. He really, really enjoys gaming, and it's favourite way to unwind. He has a couple of friends who he plays the games with, so he doesn't usually game alone.

If he's off work, he will play during the day. I work from home, so that suits me tbh.

If he is in work, he likes to go on his computer in the evening, and he would happily play until the early hours of the morning. He comes down for dinner and will watch television or chat to me for a couple of hours. Then, he asks if I mind him going on the computer. A lot of time, I have things to watch on tele that he doesn't enjoy, I still have work to do, or I could do with going to see my mum/dad/grandparents for the evening. So, on those occasions, I say yeah no worries, go on the computer.

If ever I don't want him to, and I want to spend time with him - and I think this is crucial - he will stay downstairs with me without complaint. I don't think I could deal with someone who just gamed without any thought for their partner. At least my partner spends time with me and then asks if I mind. Usually I'm happy enough to have some me-time.

He plays two games mainly, one of which I play too (actually I play both, but the other I'm REALLY bad at so he won't squad with me ha ha) so sometimes I'll text him saying challenge me and we'll play against each other for a bit. It's quite fun!

And for those who said their partners don't game "because they're adults" that's bullshit. If you decide to stop having fun once you hit the age of 18, I pity you. Never stop doing what you enjoy because of your age, so long as it's not hurting anyone or breaking any laws.

twinkledag · 01/11/2019 22:35

Zero

iolaus · 01/11/2019 22:37

Depends sometimes more, sometimes barely any

He played some this morning with our 9 year old
I got home from work at 9.30pm he was playing some game - kids in bed. He's come off it and is watching TV with me (but I'm also on here)

I don't really see the difference between that and any other hobby

EstebanTheMagnificent · 01/11/2019 22:44

To answer OP’s question. if you’re concerned now then it is unlikely to get any better - and that would be true of gaming, cycling, running, model trains, etc.

As a broader point, it is absolutely hysterical to see that gamers are being labelled as juvenile manchildren by a group of adults who are spending their Friday night talking to strangers on the internet.

HoldMyLobster · 01/11/2019 22:44

Yeah mine does. Maybe an hour or two in the evenings. Often with our teens who live at home. And he plays games online with DD who's at college 1700 miles away. And my other two kids regularly play games online with their cousins who live 3000 miles away.

They're all so antisocial...

PixieDustt · 01/11/2019 22:50

1-2 hours a week if that!
Now we have DS it's 0! I also let my DN borrow his controller that I have forgotten to get back! Wink

HoldMyLobster · 01/11/2019 22:52

Just read through some more posts. By the time DH has spent a week at work being creative, managing a team of complex individuals, dealing with huge budgets, negotiating deals, working out how to develop and use complex systems, speaking various languages, traveling long distances, staying in hotels, working 14 hour days and generally earning his salary, he's ready to shoot some zombies when he gets home.

No, it's not nurturing or creative. I think that's OK.

gamerchick · 01/11/2019 22:54

No, it's not nurturing or creative

Not creative? You've never tried to kill a horde while trapped in a cave then? Grin

RhinoskinhaveI · 01/11/2019 22:55

It depends, how would he feel if you spent that much time on a hobby?

HoldMyLobster · 01/11/2019 22:56

Not creative? You've never tried to kill a horde while trapped in a cave then?

This is true Grin