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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many hours your DP spends playing videos games

470 replies

Cchick · 01/11/2019 19:21

Just what the title says really.

My partner spends maybe 15-20 hours a week on average (sometimes he can spend 12 full hours!) and I was wondering how many your partners spend. I mean he's playing the games with other people, so is this normal in other households too?

FYI, we don't have any children yet and we aren't married yet. I'm just very worried that if we do marry and have kids, the family would come second to gaming. Everyone says to look out for red flags and I'm wondering if this is one?

Long story short, how many hours do your partners spend gaming and has it reduced since marrying and having children?

TIA!

OP posts:
Angeldust747 · 01/11/2019 21:12

DH probably spends at least 20 hours gaming a week at home (he works as a games tester so the overall number is probably ridiculously high). He goes on his pc after we've had tea and watched some telly - I've always loved my sleep so go to bed early and also watch the things i like and he doesn't. He doesn't need anywhere near as much sleep as me so comes to bed a few hours after me. He will also go online at weekends if I have plans.
Family time definitely comes before gaming though, unless something in particular is happening like a new game or an event, but then he always lets me know in advance and we plan around it.
It boils down to whether or not you're happy with the arrangement - I wouldn't be happy eating alone for instance. You need to set the ground rules now you're living together and come to a compromise where you're both happy x

stucknoue · 01/11/2019 21:13

Way too many but he's now stbexh

PapayaCoconut · 01/11/2019 21:14

1 hour a week. He only does it when the children and I are in bed.

JacquesHammer · 01/11/2019 21:15

My ex and my closest friend both work in the games industry and play a fair amount by extension.

I can absolutely guarantee the enormous salaries they earn wouldn’t seem so “childish” Wink

DrPimplePopper · 01/11/2019 21:15

He might do a few hours per night, I'm not sure. It doesn't bother me as we have our own rooms due to his snoring. He works at least a 10 hour day mon-fri, then does the kids bedtime with me, then after we chat or watch something together I go off to read or watch Netflix and he'll play a bit. Rarely does it during the day at weekends as we our so busy. It's the only thing he does for himself so not an issue. He can get obsessive with games and in the past pre-kids he could lose days to gaming if we didn't have a specific plan. If it started to take over our family time now I would just discuss it with him, but the balance is working for us currently.

LoonyLunaLoo · 01/11/2019 21:19

Maybe a couple of hours every few months. He might have the odd race against DS (10) who also isn’t a gamer. How is gaming a hobby though? It’s like saying Mumsnetting is my hobby 🤨 or watching TV is a hobby.

Thesearmsofmine · 01/11/2019 21:19

2-4 hours a week, usually when the dc are in bed and I’m having a soak in the bath or sometimes he’ll do it for a bit when he comes home from a night shift(when everyone else is asleep) to wind down before bed.

harrypotterfan1604 · 01/11/2019 21:19

My DP is a gamer. We’ve been together 11 years now, since he was 21. When we first met he gamed so much that I used to get into our bed at his mums house with the light on and him and his friend sat on the bottom on the bed gaming and I’d go to sleep (friend had no boundaries I had to teach him boundaries as he relationship progressed) the olde the got the less he gamed I think because I wouldn’t let him stay up all night.
He’s 32 now, we have a dd and he barely games at all. Occasionally he’ll spend an hour or so on his PlayStation but most the time he’s busy with dd or doing household chores so he doesn’t have time

FrankenCat · 01/11/2019 21:21

None. We are late 30s though and he's a grown up.

gamerchick · 01/11/2019 21:22

True, but so rarely happens these days. However my son is in bed, partner due back in 2 hours, time to get off here and shoot someone in the face :D

That's the spirit. Grin

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 01/11/2019 21:25

Imagine somewhere in an alternate universe, some man has posted a topic on an equivalent message board asking "How many hours does your wife spend glued to her laptop/tablet/phone making arsey comments on internet message boards"... how many incredibly witty replies about their maturity would there be I wonder?

Sleepinglemon · 01/11/2019 21:25

A few hours a week. He's generally up for an hour longer than me each evening and games, reads or watches TV.

BossAssBitch · 01/11/2019 21:25

None. I wouldn’t marry a gamer. My DH was into gaming in his 20s when he was single but he wouldn’t dream of gaming now he’s married, he’d rather talk to me or be outside walking the dogs or mountain biking together. We are child free by the way.

What’s the point of being in a relationship with someone who would rather immerse themselves in a fantasy world for hours than spend their free time with you.

MrsApplepants · 01/11/2019 21:29

Zero. I don’t find an interest in gaming to be an attractive attribute in a man in any case so wouldn’t be married to a gamer.

Poltergeister · 01/11/2019 21:30

Maybe an hour a day? Possibly more on a day off or if I'm out on an evening or busy.
He also spends time out the house for hobbies but so do I.
We don't have kids yet but I'm sure none of this would come at the expense of time with them

Croquembou · 01/11/2019 21:30

About an hour spread across the weekend. He'll play in tiny little blocks when I'm, for example, getting my face on and he's ready. Or if I cook, he'll have a couple of quick games. If it's when I'm not doing anything else, he'll always ask if it's ok first and specify how long he'll be ('do you mind if I have two goes and then we'll put a film on?'). If I say I do mind (because the banging is annoying), he accepts it with good grace.

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 01/11/2019 21:33

"What’s the point of being in a relationship with someone who would rather immerse themselves in a fantasy world for hours than spend their free time with you."

I take it you never read then?

Unihorn · 01/11/2019 21:34

None of the people making snooty comments seem to be returning to explain what makes gaming so inferior to watching films or reading?

Leaannb · 01/11/2019 21:36

I play about 12 to 15 hours a week and still work and actively parent. I drop off the kids,he picks up and I game. I cook and he paints figurines, he washes up and I game. There can be a happy medium

Sotiredbutcannotsleep · 01/11/2019 21:36

I know someone whose excessive gaming has caused problems in their marriage. I think there's gaming and there's addictive gaming.

Vulpine · 01/11/2019 21:40

So an 'enormous salary' makes it somehow more palatable?!

JacquesHammer · 01/11/2019 21:43

So an 'enormous salary' makes it somehow more palatable?!

It makes it less childish. Did I somehow stutter and not actually put that in my post....?

JacquesHammer · 01/11/2019 21:44

None of the people making snooty comments seem to be returning to explain what makes gaming so inferior to watching films or reading?

Of course not. Hard to do so when so fucking idiotic.

Scottishgirl85 · 01/11/2019 21:45

...

midnightmisssuki · 01/11/2019 21:46

None. He’s an adult - we have two children. He has a hobby he does once a week, 2 hours.