To ask how many hours your DP spends playing videos games

[Cchick]

Just what the title says really.

My partner spends maybe 15-20 hours a week on average (sometimes he can spend 12 full hours!) and I was wondering how many your partners spend. I mean he's playing the games with other people, so is this normal in other households too?

FYI, we don't have any children yet and we aren't married yet. I'm just very worried that if we do marry and have kids, the family would come second to gaming. Everyone says to look out for red flags and I'm wondering if this is one?

Long story short, how many hours do your partners spend gaming and has it reduced since marrying and having children?

TIA!

...

I used to have a boyfriend, in my teens, who had to HAD TO be home for the soaps. No matter what our plans were, we had to be home before corrie and eastenders. This was before internet/catchup/etc so it had to be on time. It truly pissed me off we could never plan a day out or anything without considering getting home in time to sit and gawp at some fictional lives. It didn't last long! But I guess I should have kept the relationship, as it wasn't as 'childish' as gaming!

I always have to laugh at people who just blankly say 'I don't like gaming' or gaming is childish or not creative. It's like saying 'I hate reading, there is always a crime which is eventually solved by a grizzled detective and their new optimistic, perky assistant'. Oh no wait that's literally one small part of a much larger genre of books, within an unending amount of books out there. Open ended building games such as minecraft, beautiful story-lead games like Red Dead 2 and The Last of Us, strategy games, sim games, sports games, fighting, RPG, exploration, MMORPG, so many damn types and and ways to play it'd take days to list yet all chucked under this umbrella of 'gaming'. Hur dur, gaming bad, only kids game. Such a childish declaration.

Zero.

I wouldn’t want a relationship with a so called ‘gamer’. Red flag for me.

I see the generic carbon copy anti gamer mumsnetters continue to make fools of themselves. Every thread about gaming ends up the same. Must be a sad existence to have never truly experienced they joy, sorrow and tension a good game can bring.

Right, during the week he gets in from work and cooks the dinner. We eat and our 3yo goes to bed at 7pm. Then it's chill time.

Monday is gym day so he's out. Wednesday and Friday are spent with me watching films or TV together (we just finished Living with Yourself tonight). Weekends are a free-for-all.
On a Tuesday and Thursday this means he gets to play online with his friends from around 7pm until bedtime at 11pm. Friends he doesn't often get to see because they have kids and no money to go out on the town, so they sit and have fun online, chatting and playing games. I quite enjoy a good game myself, though I don't have the energy to physically play at the moment and I'm usually cluster feeding the baby in the evenings, so I sit next to him and watch his games and browse MN and FB and watch shitty TV on my phone. If something good is happening in the game he will tell me and periodically I'll tell him about some shitposting online, or show him a funny.
If ever I don't want him to play, he won't. If the toddler or the baby is sick or kicking off, he will turn off the game to help.

We are a team and that doesn't mean spending 100% of our free time doing the same thing, it's about respecting each other's interests and feelings and trying to achieve a balance that works for both of you.

Oh dear. DH is working on his Fantasy Football team now. There is no going back is there? He's going to have to go.

None. We both can’t stand gaming. Such a waste of time.

I do chuckle at the "None, he's not a child" posts. I find watching Love Island and all manner of boring, mind numbing reality shows, a waste, but you like what you like.

I love gaming, I also write fanfiction around games I've played.

There's nothing like coming home after a shit day at work, turning on Red Dead Redemption 2 and shooting some fucker who is trying to rob me.

Oh and depending on the game you play, it's pretty much just a film/TV series that you can control the ending, just by the choices you make.

OP my DH is a gamer. Our marriage has barely survived. I’m not a gamer and as I’ve got older find myself feeling incredibly lonely in our marriage. We have very few photos together doing interesting things and he spends the entire winter indoors gaming. He can’t balance it. It takes over. He spent years with his back to me playing an online game and getting frustrated if I interrupted to talk to him. It’s ruined my self esteem and self confidence. I wish I’d left when I was young and able to build up another life. It’s too late for me but not for you. Do yourself a favour and find a man you are compatible with

None.

He worked as a games developer in the early 2000’s and all of the play testing he had to do as he worked his way up well and truly got it out of his system.

I think it’s a bit rude to say things like “none he’s an adult”

Gaming like any hobby is used as escapism, if your down about work or life a little it gets you out your head, as would a good book.
My partners not a big drinker so he’s never out but he plays games usually every night.

This doesn’t stop him spending time with me and our DD.

Around 3 hours a night, but he usually comes to bed with me with DD at 8, once she’s out we watch a film or a show we like and then he ups and goes to play games till 1ish, he’s always up bright eyed and bushy tailed so it doesn’t interfere with his work nor his home life.

Zero. He has never even owned a laptop. I am so grateful for this having grown up with a brother addicted to the Xbox.
If you can have a console at home, it comes out occasionally and the gamer can cope with simultaneously playing their game and interacting nicely with people around them, meeting their responsibilities etc then I wouldn’t have a problem with it.
In my experience, it usually becomes a compulsion, the gamer is rude and nasty if ‘interrupted’ and is not fulfilling their obligations to their family or actively participating in their relationship.

None - he is an adult.

If you can have a console at home, it comes out occasionally and the gamer can cope with simultaneously playing their game and interacting nicely with people around them...
Or, shock-fucking-horror, you could find a game you like playing together.

None he is adult

I’m loving the “ZeRo He’S aN aDuLt” type responses from PPs who think gaming is unacceptable but, apparently, sitting bitching on MN about how others spend their time is.

Anyone who types this response from now on owes me a fiver because it’s less than two weeks ‘til the new Pokémon games are released 😉

@Cchick it strikes me as very sad that you eat alone and go to bed alone, because your partner is so obsessed with gaming he prioritises that over his relationship and quality time with you. It's an addiction.

Promise yourself you won't move in until he sorts himself out. It won't get any better if you have DC, you'll be back on here stressed out that he hasn't changed.

Do yourself a favour OP. Move on. Start dating again and find somebody more engaged in life who won’t make you feel like crap

Zero
Why are people bothering to respond if their partners don't game at all the question surely wasn't aimed at you?

None. He’s an adult.
Adults game too, many games are not meant for children at all.

My ExP and I used to game for hours and hours pre-DC. It was a hobby we did together. Not every day but if we did have a session it could easily last 12 hours. We would, on rare occasions, treat ourselves to a whole weekend of gaming together. Sometimes one of us would be playing a game and the other would do their own thing and just follow the game storyline, other times we would play the same game.

It reduced naturally when DC came along, for both of us. These days he doesn't game much at all (according to the kids) and I sometimes manage an hour in the evening once everyone is in bed as it helps me de-stress (I imagine this is the real case with ExP too). If your partner has anything about him, he will prioritise family over gaming. As with other hobbies, I've heard of people who don't though, so have a hard think about what your own partners priorities are now before committing to having children with him. If he games relentlessly and doesn't give a shit what you're doing then chances are that will continue after DC come along. Some people can't regulate their hobbies and they let them take over their lives.

I always have to laugh at people who just blankly say 'I don't like gaming' or gaming is childish or not creative. It's like saying 'I hate reading, there is always a crime which is eventually solved by a grizzled detective and their new optimistic, perky assistant'. Oh no wait that's literally one small part of a much larger genre of books, within an unending amount of books out there. Open ended building games such as minecraft, beautiful story-lead games like Red Dead 2 and The Last of Us, strategy games, sim games, sports games, fighting, RPG, exploration, MMORPG, so many damn types and and ways to play it'd take days to list yet all chucked under this umbrella of 'gaming'. Hur dur, gaming bad, only kids game. Such a childish declaration.
I have nothing to add about this comment, just think it bears repeating. In bold.

Why are people bothering to respond if their partners don't game at all hmm the question surely wasn't aimed at you?

Huh?

If somebody asked you how much money you had and you had none, would you just ignore them?

@NotACleverName really looking forward to pokemon too. Just wish they would at least release more info on the starter evolutions 😒.

DEP used to play a football game on an actual computer. Shittest game iv ever known to man it's just clicking buttons (football manager)
He used to play it for hours on end- eating breakfast. Just throughout the day. Tea times an then till fine 10 at night (computer was on my kitchen counter-breakfast bar)
Didn't change when we had kids.
My dad is the same. We've all grown up but he spends from waking up till going to bed on the PS4 unless him and my mum are going out. He is disabled so he's found this is how he passes time best but it's annoying an even when we go around. He will sit with us for abit then go back into the "man cave"

Don't see why men have an obsession with gaming ? But I suppose we're the same online shopping at times lol x

None! I was with a gamer before, never ever again!

The issue clearly is that if one partner spends a lot of time on their hobby, whether it is gaming, mumsnetting, cycling, volunteering, DIY or whatever and they clearly prefer their hobby to being with their partner, then it can have an adverse effect on the relationship.

Particularly in the early days surely you want to spend time together? Equally it is important to have interests and hobbies but I think it would be hard to be with someone if you didn’t at least understand their hobby?

I don’t really understand gaming, never played a video game in my life and neither has DH (as far as I know), so it’s something completely alien to our lifestyle but my DH plays golf, goes to the gym, watches sport on tv, some people find that alien but I understand it IYSWIM. I do a lot of volunteering that takes me out of the house but my DH ‘gets’ that (it’s how we met ). Problems will arise when one of you is so involved in your hobby that it alienates you from your DP, staying in a separate room and not sharing meals sounds as though he is not that committed to the relationship.