What do I do about MIL this Xmas after last year's drama??

[Itsme93]

Hey all,
I've currently got the boyf of 2 years asking me what I'm going to get his parents for Xmas.
I wouldn't usually mind as I love Xmas & buying presents however last year I had a few problems....

1. I bought his parents a fancy coffee machine as they love coffee but strangely enough they never bought themselves one so I thought, great gift. A few days after Xmas, the boyf said his mother was not happy because I 'showed her up'. I asked him how? Apparently my present was too grand as she had only bought me a size 8 crop top (which I think was a recycled present as its definitely not my style and I'm a size 12 - before anyone jumps on this about accidental wrong sizing, his mum is fully aware I'm not a size 8 nor would I ever wear a crop top!) I said it was fab etc thanks so much on the day though.
2. instead of buying his sister, I bought gifts for her little girl instead. Apparently MIL was not impressed by that and that I should have got his sister something.
3. one of the gifts I got his neice was a rocking horse which the little girl loved and Xmas day wouldn't get off it. MIL was not happy that my gift overshadowed hers and said 'I wish this gift had been from me'.
4. last Xmas I bought boyf an updated ipad as his had broken, within 6 weeks he gave it to his sister because the mother said the neice would like it to play games on. I wasn't impressed and said I'd rather have it back. Boyf still gave it to the niece

I rarely see any of his family, find them quite socially inept however I am happy to get them something. I told boyf for him to sort it out this year but he wants to do it seperately and with already asking me what I'm getting them all, he's obviously got expectations which has actually p*ssed me right off.

Do I finish with him lol I really feel like he's part of the problem and I'm fed up of these expectations of me having to impress his family like I'm not good enough, as that's how I feel.... Or do I act like nothing and just do vouchers?

You seem to be getting it from all sides OP. You're too nice for your own good! You meant well, and it's a shame your gifts didn't suit. I'd sit your bf down and explain how your gift to him was brought for him. It was a real crappy thing for him to give it away ( his sister probably collared that from his niece) his family put very little thought into your gifts. I'd not bother again. Or if you feel you must get his mum and dad coffee pods. His sister a dove set from Superdrug or Savers and the niece a colouring/craft set.

How old are you op?

Easiest thing, as others have suggested, is for BF to buy his family's presents and put your name on the tag, and for you to buy your family's presents and put his name on the tag. Make sure his family know in advance that you will not be buying separate presents, and that you don't expect to receive anything.
If I'm honest, BF doesn't sound like a keeper.

Tell him he can buy for his own family! You can give a fiver towards each gift if you're feeling generous and it can be off both of you, that's what couples do! No way would I expect a gift from my child's partner, or give a separate one as a gf (I didn't)
Please put your foot down.

@redspider1 25, why?

3x£5 love to shop vouchers (one for the boyf, one each for his mum, dad and sister) and a nice big colouring and craft set with LOTS of glitter for the niece. Job done!

It really doesn't matter how old the OP is....?

There are plenty of women old enough to know better, who also put up with this utter shit.

It just sounds very immature and that would help explain the juvenile behaviour to me. It is relevant.

Is he 25 too? Sounds like teenage stuff.

Btw, your presents last year were fine, now you’ve explained them a bit more. Dump your bf, it’s not worth the hassle long term.

When you get a cheap deal, the recipient doesn’t usually know, so they think you’ve spent lots. Hence, feeling embarrassed.

It seems I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't... On here and in life

"I told boyf for him to sort it out this year but he wants to do it seperately and with already asking me what I'm getting them all, he's obviously got expectations which has actually p*ssed me right off."
They all sound like grabby fuckers to me.

"I just asked what he's getting her, he said he doesnt know yet. I said what about doing joint cos if I do get her something it'll be a set from super drug as I'm not goin mad after last year, his response was 'not that celebrity sh*t?'"
And your boyfriend is a grabby snobby fucker.

Seriously? I couldn't be with someone I couldn't respect, and he definitely sounds like someone I couldn't respect. I'd be binning him now and making Other Plans for Christmas.

You seem like a caring and generous lady. The MIL thing is always an issue. The mothers will sometime feel they are losing their boys and that their time is passing. It is very painful and you will go through it one day. Secondly most men will let you down which is something you will also learn but not for many decades. I am a mother of sons I am now 62. and have been married twice and engaged 4 times. It has been a tough lesson to learn. You are great. Always try to be yourself and fingers crossed good things will work themselves out.xx

I'd buy them toiletries Boots are apparently going to have the 3 for 2 later on. I wouldn't stress about what to buy them you put a lot of thought into it last year and they didn't. I don't understand why it has to be separate presents though, is he going to buy your family? If so I'd ask how much he was spending on them, if not don't buy his family. I know that's tit for tat but in this situation definately warranted. I do think his sister got a gift of an iPad last year though.

Forgive me if I've missed this, but what did his sister get you? Also, is his mum hosting you for Christmas?
You have described him his a boyfriend, so I'm assuming not live-in partner, in which case it wouldn't be appropriate for you both to do a joint present to his family. You don't know them well or see them often, and his mum has also said that essentially, she was embarrassed by how much you apparently spent on her.
Therefore the presents should really be token presents this year, I'd say £10 or under. And don't get the niece a big present that competes with presents from her family, a craft kit or book is just fine.

I'd just say cards only this year.
Its for your boyfriend to buy for his family not you.

Joint presents! 100%

I'm quite confident boyfriend is using you for your money as to me it seems pretty obvious you're well off. Probably waiting for you to buy him the next iPad. I'd ditch him.

Oh and if you won't do the sensible thing and end it. Definitely just cards, maybe a tin of biscuits (up to £5) per family/ couple.

Just pointing out that making people feel embarrassed by giving seemingly expensive gifts is actually bad manners. It’s not appropriate. That’s why I asked your age as young people might not realise it. However it sounds as though you have good intentions and your DP is not a keeper from what you’ve said. You’ll have a lifetime of family interference with him and he won’t stand by you.

I think his family sound horrible. I would literally get a bog standard box of chocolates for everyone, selection box for the niece if you’re going to see them, otherwise, nothing. I find it weird that you’re expected to get his family presents. Surely that’s his job? Equally, I’d expect a Boots 3 for 2 gift set type present from them. Your boyfriend has a massive cheek asking what you’re getting them, unless his mum has asked so she can match value this year or something?

@MorrisZapp
"Nobody in the world buys separate gifts for in laws. That's just... weird."

They aren't inlaws, they are her boyfriend's family, who are hosting and buying for her.

@Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe, primark pjs was and last well.

Op set a spending anount, as suggested and ask your BF for advice on what to get.

What you got last year was perfectly fine.

I've never not asked my DH or later Partner what they wanted. Surprises can just equal wasted money and resentment.

You should have got the Sister a token gift, though.

How about some wrinkle cream for MIL, bath salts and talc or regift the crop top to SIL and something that the sisters daughter can make a lot of noise or mess with.