To not know what to say/do?

[MoonlightDancer]

Been round to a friends for a quick catch up and a cuppa, she has a 4 year old and a newish newborn. Her DH is on nights tonight but otherwise is usually around playing with the 4yo.

I was holding the newborn (she asked me to) whilst she was in the kitchen making tea, they have a small extension just off the living room which is used as a play area and the kitchen leads on to it. My friend can see her daughter from the kitchen and I could see her from the living room.

She walked off to get some toys and came back and then went back for a few mins to get more toys. I stood up to rock the baby and took my eye off my friends other child for a few seconds. Then she came back and sat playing in front of us on the floor.

My friend came through with the cups of tea and her daughter was playing and drawing/colouring whilst we chatted. I've just come back and received a text saying why did I let her 4 year old draw on the brand new painted walls in the play area?

I didn't see her daughter do that and I obviously would have told her to stop and tell her Mum.

My friend has asked me to stump up for the tin of paint it's Farrow and Ball which I have no problem doing as I feel awful but DH has said no chance.

She's stressed out enough but I feel a little bit annoyed now...I did offer to make the teas but she said no she wanted to do it. She's said I can transfer the money or just give her the cash on Sun...we're all meant to be meeting for Sunday Brunch with another friends family but DH has said she's being a CF and all children write/draw on walls so why on earth would you get F&B paint in a kids playroom? I haven't replied yet as otherwise she is a lovely friend and DH gets on really well with her DH so don't want to rock the boat.
Am AIBU or is she?

I don't think you were too soft. A lot of people wouldn't have wanted to call her out of this kind of thing and you sent a message that was both assertive and kind. I think you've handled it perfectly OP!

Bananas, the lot of it. Designer paint in playroom? Madness. Asking friend to pay for re-decorating after own child's misbehaviour? Madness. Child is an extension of the parent. If my child drew on her wall, I'd pay for paint. If her child draws on her wall, regardless of who's looking after her it's her that takes the hit.

Any update OP?

I just googled Farrow and Ball. For that price does it come with a little chap in overalls and a paintbrush who puts it on the walls for you?

Firstly, your DH is mistaken. All kids do not draw on walls. None of my three ever did. They damned well knew better than that. And if they had? It DEFINITELY wouldn't be at age 4 when they're old enough to know better. 2 years? Maybe. 4? No.
Secondly, as others have said, HER kid, HER wall, HER house and SHE was there. So HER responsibility.

My dd drew on stuff a lot. I remember one day finding a tiny sink drawn on the sink, a tiny toilet drawn on the toilet and a tiny bath drawn on the bath. It all came off thankfully. She drew on walls and cupboard doors. She did it absentmindedly and without malice and though we reprimanded her sternly, she would still do it. She’s a really good girl not prone to defiance so I guess she was just compelled. She still draws all the time but on paper and canvas and other appropriate surfaces. Her art is very good.

The two boys didn’t do this but neither of them are artistic or compelled that way.

Think it’s pretty common isn’t it? I know I did it too.

'I remember one day finding a tiny sink drawn on the sink, a tiny toilet drawn on the toilet and a tiny bath drawn on the bath.'

That's oddly adorable!

Her little depictions were very sweet and accurate...it was hard to be mad at her.

Is this a reverse?? It’s outrageous!

Good answers OP. Fwiw, you’re not being remotely unreasonable. No chance would I be paying up!

I think you've been quite jovial about it OP. I feel more pissed off than you seem to be

I'd be telling her to stuff the brunch on Sunday. She sounds like an absolute idiot.

I bet she's going to tell your mutual friends that you stood by and watched her dd write on the wall.

I think the writing's on the wall for this friendship

@Mayborn do you know what a reverse is?!

dc in house under 5 =washable paint or extra paint or keep pens etc out of reach (daft bat not you op)

Her child, her problem. She should not be assuming you, or any other visitor, will be acting as unpaid child career for her. She’s gave the child access to the crayon. No way would I be paying

No I wouldn't. She's being a cheeky bitch.

That is a ridiculous request of say no and then accept the friendship is over

Wonder who left drawing materials around for kids to pick up and who didn’t teach their kid not to draw on walls?

My two have never drawn on the walls and at 4 they should know better!

Absolute cf! And having a newborn is no excuse...I had 2 under 2 and was never so rude!

What a cheap friend. If this had happened to me and I found the friend watching my Lo draw on the walls and not doing anything about it, I'd have expressed my annoyance at their attitude and told them but I'd never even think of making them pay for paint!. That's just horrible. I think you needs lessons in assertiveness OP.

This may be way off the mark but what's her DH like? Could she be getting blamed by him and passing tI on? Could she have other problems? It's exceedingly odd behaviour and no you shouldn't pay!

OP didn’t watch the little one draw on the walls. She was in another room and hadn’t been asked to supervise the wee girl. One would naturally assume that the mother was content for her daughter to be left where she was, while she got on with a task elsewhere in the house, seeing as she was under her mother’s supervision.

Once my DM was looking after the kids because DH was seriously ill in hospital and she " let" DS climb on the toilet water tank which fell off the wall. I didn't dream of charging her though!

@nakedscientistOfThigh her DH is lovely chilled out family guy...my DH and her DH have gone to play badminton whilst her Sister is visiting...DH has text and said her DH has not mentioned it and is being normal.

at the toilet...

Friend has not text since but we don't see/text each other on a daily basis. Will see how tomorrow goes as we're all meant to be going for brunch with a few other mutual friends.

@titnomatani I didn't see her child draw on the wall if I had I would have definitely said something! I think my friend is just going through abit of a rough time adjusting and taken it out on me. Hopefully tomorrow it will be all good and just laugh and if not then

Hope all goes well tomorrow OP, you sound like a lovely and understanding friemd!