To not know what to say/do?

[MoonlightDancer]

Been round to a friends for a quick catch up and a cuppa, she has a 4 year old and a newish newborn. Her DH is on nights tonight but otherwise is usually around playing with the 4yo.

I was holding the newborn (she asked me to) whilst she was in the kitchen making tea, they have a small extension just off the living room which is used as a play area and the kitchen leads on to it. My friend can see her daughter from the kitchen and I could see her from the living room.

She walked off to get some toys and came back and then went back for a few mins to get more toys. I stood up to rock the baby and took my eye off my friends other child for a few seconds. Then she came back and sat playing in front of us on the floor.

My friend came through with the cups of tea and her daughter was playing and drawing/colouring whilst we chatted. I've just come back and received a text saying why did I let her 4 year old draw on the brand new painted walls in the play area?

I didn't see her daughter do that and I obviously would have told her to stop and tell her Mum.

My friend has asked me to stump up for the tin of paint it's Farrow and Ball which I have no problem doing as I feel awful but DH has said no chance.

She's stressed out enough but I feel a little bit annoyed now...I did offer to make the teas but she said no she wanted to do it. She's said I can transfer the money or just give her the cash on Sun...we're all meant to be meeting for Sunday Brunch with another friends family but DH has said she's being a CF and all children write/draw on walls so why on earth would you get F&B paint in a kids playroom? I haven't replied yet as otherwise she is a lovely friend and DH gets on really well with her DH so don't want to rock the boat.
Am AIBU or is she?

I wouldn't engage any further with this. I may be wrong but I'm getting the impression she's used to you being a bit of a door mat. Don't do it! I'm angry for you! That CF is NOT your friend.you sound lovely please don't be a doormat.

Well I wouldn’t be paying for something her child did. However, I would take issue with your DH saying that all children draw on walls. They certainly do not.

. If she texts back again, and it seems she will then just shut her down

"Look I was trying to laugh this off but honestly you are crazy if you think I am paying to have your room painted because your child coloured on your walls. I wasn't babysitting and even if I was I wouldn't pay. You are being really cheeky, I'll forget you asked for the sake of no awkwardness, don't embarrass yourself by asking further"

Cheeky cow

That is crazy. Even if I had a friend round and asked her to watch my children while I left the room, there is no way in hell I would blame my friend for any damage my DD did, let alone expect her to pay for it. I would probably treat it like a joke, “right, like I’m going to pay for damage YOUR DD did to your house! Good one, CF!”

Be more assertive and explicit. You haven’t done anything wron so don’t be coy.

“Sorry for any misunderstanding. I’m not short this month.
It’s not my fault she drew on the wall. I wasn’t in the playroom, I had no idea there were pens in there and you hadn’t asked me to supervise her. I’m confused as to why you are asking me to pay for paint?”

Unless you handed the kid an open Sharpie, it’s nothing to do with you.

Makes me wonder though, if I’d have got this cray-cray if I’d had a second kid and been chasing a newborn and a toddler around. I’m sure I’d have texted some deluded stuff at some point, at the frayed end of my rope.

Is there any chance, do you think, that you’ll both look back on this and laugh together some day? That she’ll thank you for not taking her seriously and/or cutting off contact?

So let me get this straight HER DC DREW ON HER WALLS IN HER HOME and she wants YOU to foot the bill to have the walls repainted!!! 😮😮 She's a cheeky fucker and clearly batshit crazy OP I wouldn't pay her a penny and I would be pointing out to her that SHE should be watching over her child you're not a babysitter and you didn't see the dc drawing on walls. I agree with your DH (He's clearly got a spine and your back a rarity for MN!) no chance and I would let him have words with her DH judging by her persistance she won't let this go so let her own DH deal with her batshit crazy logic I bet he'd be really embarassed at his wife's behaviour 🙄 where do these cheeky fuckers get their batshit crazy ideas from

I'd be careful trying not to rock the boat. You know now that she's not quite the person you thought. Just be wary I'd say.

Fucking madness.

'Hi friend, are you ok? Why do you think I should pay for this paint?'

Pictish’s suggestion is perfect

Ok I've wrote this...lovely not sure how this has come about I know things are abit stressful at the mo...I honestly didn't see 'child's name' draw on the wall...you know I would have said something. I don't want us to fall out but I'm not paying for paint as it has nothing to do with me I'm sure you can understand...it's a shame it's not 1st April this would have been a good one 😁...see you all on sun looking forward to it x

I'm happy with what I've wrote as I'm sure you can tell not a big fan of confrontation. I have no intention of getting rid of friend we'll look back and laugh on this I really do think she's just stressed out with everything that's going on ie toddler and newborn.

I think this is just about one of the cheekiest things I’ve read on here!!!! Her daughter, her pens, her wall!!

Do not give this batshit woman a single fucking cent!!!!

She's either winding you up or this isn't true surely??

@Saddler not a wind up and is true.

Didn't want to ask friends as don't want it to turn into Chinese whispers...just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable in not wanting to pay for paint for someone's feature wall.

I knew deep down but then had a little doubt thinking I should have been keeping an eye on her too anyway I know for definite now I am not paying any money to her and just putting it in my remember when you were pregnant/newborn days madness when we get together in a few years time I have another friend I am storing these moments up with

I've read all your posts now and you've handled it well. Surely she'll get the message now

I’m glad your DH has got his head screwed on - sounds like you would have paid up straightaway if it wasn’t for him! Your responses have been good though, trying to keep things light-hearted. Hopefully she’ll soon seen that she’s acted like a bit of a twerp! Agree with the pp though, this could have happened at anytime since the walls were painted on Monday.

Who's to say that her daughter drew on the wall while the mother was making tea? She could have done it at another time.

This ^^

OP, you said you heard the daughter rummaging through the toys, if you could hear her rummaging, she wasn't drawing on the walls.

@CalmdownJanet perfect response! I'm saving this for future use.

You send good texts OP

Excellent response @MoonlightDancer. Hopefully she'll sleep on it and realise how ridiculous she's being. Having a newborn does not lend itself to rationality!

Good text OP. I'm glad you've seen sense. I honestly think I would have deleted my MN account if you'd paid her a single penny.

A dab of washing up liquid on some kitchen roll & it's sorted. Her having crayons & pens in easy access is her problem not yours. Common sense to keep them out of reach when not in use!

Thanks all...my DH wanted me to be a little more direct (he's always saying I'm too soft) but I'm wary of sending texts/emails as you never quite know how it comes across. Don't want to make a scene as there's no need to I think he's annoyed as I've doubted myself.

Like I say I'm storing these moments for when I get pregnant She hasn't responded so I'm hoping she's seen sense now.

If she comes back to me will update you all but hopefully peace has been restored as it nears the end of Halloween!

Gosh how cheeky is she? Hope your text to her brings her to her senses.